Many of us have been in a relationship, however, are you that one person that seems to always be in a relationship? If you’re not sure, take a moment to think about your dating life. Have you ever had a couple months of being completely solo without seeing anyone? If not, well, I hate to break it to you, you may actually be a serial monogamist. Is that necessarily a bad thing? No, however, you may be more scared to be alone than you thought.
If you’re still not sure what a serial monogamist is, let’s talk about it in a little more detail. Essentially, a serial monogamist is a person who is exclusive with one person – which isn’t a bad thing, you should know. However, this person usually continues to be in serious relationships one after the other without having an actual break in between.
Is this a bad thing? Again, you’re not committing a crime. It shows that you’re able to be committed to someone you like, however, because you rush into a relationship right after the last one ended, you don’t take the time to heal, which means your relationships usually end. This doesn’t have anything to do with gender or age but rather the fear and insecurity of being alone. So, if you’re looking for an actual relationship that isn’t based on you being scared of loneliness, maybe it’s time to change your ways. First, though, you need to know if you really are a serial monogamist.
If you’re still not sure or simply in denial that you’re a serial monogamist, then why not take a look at the signs.
You get into relationships easily
You don’t need to do much work in order to get into a serious relationship. It’s actually really easy for you to be exclusive with someone. Too easy. Are you getting where I’m going with this? You just slide into a relationship like it’s a kiddie slide at a water park. What happened to develop feelings for someone and really getting to know them. What happens, is that instead of taking the time to actually see who this person is and whether you see yourself with them, you jump right into it. They’re your boyfriend or girlfriend after the first date – you just seal the deal. But do you really know who this person is? Do you know their flaws? How do they like their coffee in the morning? If you don’t know who they are, how can you be in love with them?
You’ve never been single
Or rarely been single. The point is, none of your friends remember the moment when you weren’t dating someone. They only ever remember you in a relationship whether it was a good or bad one. This is all fear based. You’re scared of being alone. Don’t you think we’re all scared of not finding love and being alone? But is jumping into a relationship that you’re unsure of a better idea than taking some time to figure out what type of partner you’d like? Being alone is frightening, however, being with someone you don’t truly love is even more frightening.
When you’re a serial monogamist, the only time you feel complete is when you’re in a loving relationship. But that doesn’t mean you actually love the person you’re with. Filling the hole inside of you with someone else doesn’t actually fill the hole. All you’re doing is throwing a rug on top of the hole in hopes of covering it up. Who cares if you’re single for a couple months or a couple years, you need the time to be on your own to find someone you truly like.
You can’t stand dating
Okay, I mean, who really likes dating? They can be fun but small talk can become yawn-worthy. But, for you the idea of having to date makes you sweat anxiously. You think people who constantly go on dates have some problem. But really, you’re the one with the problem. Think about it. People are going on dates to try to find someone who they feel is worthy of their love, but you’re just giving it away like candy! Sure, dating can get exhausting and borderline mind numbing after a while, but so is sitting beside someone you don’t really love.
You don’t take breaks in between relationships
Breaks? What are those? Exactly. For you, once one relationship ends, you’re onto the next. This isn’t right. This isn’t helping you at all, in fact, this is simply damaging you. You need the time in between relationships to reflect on your emotions and what went on in the relationship. How can you be a better person for your next partner if you’re not taking time for yourself to see what went wrong and what you need to do to be a better person? For serial monogamists, they’re already looking for someone else when they feel that their current relationship is fizzling out. It’s like watching a monkey swing from one vine to the other, they don’t let go of the vine unless they have one up ahead that they can grab.
You’re committed…to a point
You’re a committed partner in any relationship. You don’t cheat on your partner, you’re there for them, however, when it comes to making the next move, like moving into together or getting engaged – you pull out. You seem to never be ready for the next move. Maybe you feel your independence slipping away or that you feel trapped, but what’s really happening is that you’re in fear of intimacy, true intimacy. Just because you’re not cheating your partner, doesn’t mean you’re emotionally intimate with them. So, when it comes to the next step, you break up with them or tell them you’re not ready – which you’ll never be ready.
Your relationships are more physical
Of course, you’re emotional with your partner to a certain extent – but that’s my point. You’re emotional with them only to a point. In reality, your relationship is more physical if anything. Have you really had those late night conversation about love, life, and death? Or are you busy humping each other? Not saying the latter is bad, but there’s more to a relationship than just making out and having sex. At the end of the day, can you have a conversation with your partner that isn’t about your day at work or what’s on tv?
You’re a hopeless romantic
At the end of it all, you believe that there is one true love out there for you and you want to grow old with them. This is truly beautiful. But, you don’t see that with your current partner or really any of the people you’ve been in relationships with. This could be a reason as to why you’re a serial monogamist. You’re constantly looking for that one person and every time you meet someone that you have chemistry with, you think they’re the one. Of course, as you know, you find out that they’re not the one for you and you start the vicious cycle all over again. You’re going to find that person for you, however, jumping from one person to another isn’t going to help you find the one.
Your life revolves around your relationship
You don’t really do things on your own or for yourself. You find yourself planning your life around the relationship you’re in and this happens with every relationship you’re in. Is planning your future with your partner a bad thing? No. However, for you, it seems to be the only thing that you do. Putting yourself into a relationship can be a good thing, however, you also need to keep your individuality at the same time. Remember, balance is essential if you want a healthy relationship.
Now that you know the signs of a serial monogamist, what do you think? Are you one? If so, don’t worry, it’s not the end of the world, but if you really want to find a partner, then you’re going to have to address this. Focus on yourself and try to cope with the idea of being alone. Sure, it may be months or even a year of being alone but at the end, you’ll learn so much more about yourself and find someone that really appreciates you and vice versa.