Home Love & Relationship 6 Signs Your Husband Hates You and What Should You Do

6 Signs Your Husband Hates You and What Should You Do

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When you get married, your goal is to be together forever. There is probably (or, at least, hopefully) no one who got married with the goal of getting divorced later on. Unfortunately, life happens. Financial problems and cheating are a leading cause for divorce, but a number of other things can end up hurting the quality of your relationship.

If you have been married for a while, you know what your husband normally acts like. You know when he is telling the truth and when something seems wrong. While you might misunderstand his behavior sometimes, you are generally good about understanding what is going on within his mind. Right now, it seems like something is off. You don’t want to admit it, but you think that you see signs your husband hates you. Since you are afraid of what his answer will be, you do not want to ask him about his feelings. If you want to learn the signs your husband hates you and what you should do about it, keep reading.  

While some signs your husband hates you are fairly obvious, other signs are less conspicuous. Whatever the case, we have compiled some of the more obvious signs. Check them out to see if your husband hates you. If you think that he does, the next section will cover what you can do about it.

1. He Forgets Major Dates

There is a caveat to this sign. If this is the only sign that he does, ignore it. Many, many men and women forget important dates. For many people, a birthday or anniversary just doesn’t seem that important. What you need to look for is sudden changes. If your husband always remembers your birthday and suddenly forgets every important date, it might be time to get worried.

Look for changes in your behavior. Is he suddenly late to dates and important events with you? Does he forget about your birthday? When you point it out, does he seem not to care? If he is no longer invested in the relationship, he will stop paying as much attention to these little things. If he never worried about dates, then this is not a sign of anything. If he used to care and there is no reason for forgetting (like stress at work), then you should be worried.

2. He Stops Showing Affection

Another common sign that your husband hates you or no longer feels the same way is if he stops showing affection. While some guys are not extremely affectionate, you know what to expect from your husband already. If he suddenly avoids physical contact or stops kissing you good night, then there might be a problem. Intimacy and physical contact are very important for building a relationship. Body language experts can even see when couples are headed for divorce because they stop sitting close to each other or subtly touching each other when they are nearby.

3. He Is Critical of You

As a rule, spouses should always support each other. They might not always agree, but they work together to solve problems. If your husband criticizes everything you do, then something is not right in the relationship. Perhaps he critiques your hair or says that you washed dishes the wrong way. When you make a romantic dinner, he criticizes the dishes you made or ignores the gesture entirely.

When someone criticizes you, it is often a sign that they do not care as much about you. If they did, they would try not to hurt you. While it is possible that he does not realize how hurtful he is being, it is also possible that he no longer wants to be in the relationship and is tracking all of the things he hates. At the very least, you should talk to your husband about the way he is acting with you.



4. He Stops Spending Time With You

For a relationship to grow, you need to be around each other and do things together. Many women assume that their husband is having an affair if he is at work for long hours or is always at a friend’s house. While this is a possibility, it is also possible that he is just trying to avoid. It is also entirely possible that he just has to work longer hours or his friend needed extra help.

You need to start by looking at the context. If there are clear, understandable reasons why he is gone, then it might not be anything to worry about. If he never has a good excuse and it seems like he is deliberately avoiding you, then there might be a problem. This is especially true if the only time he spends around you is with activities where he does not have to interact with you a lot. For example, a party with friends or a movie date. If he avoids interactions in the few moments you get together, then he might be trying to avoid you. He might not hate you quite yet, but something in the relationship is starting to change.

5. He Is Violent

If he is violent with you, leave now. Even if he stops being violent in the future, this is a sign of what he is capable of and shows that you should go away. Emotional and physical abuse are very clear problems that need to be addressed. Abusive behavior is dangerous and will rarely change for the better. If you see this sign, you need to leave and find a safe place to live.

6. He Is Emotionally Abusive

Emotionally abusive could be actually calling you names, but it could also be more subtle. He might make sly comments that put you down or damage your ego. Either he lacks confidence, or he wants to hurt your confidence so that you feel like he is the best you can do. Whatever the reason, emotionally abusive behavior is not okay. Leaving now is the best option because this is an unhealthy situation. You can go to marital counseling once you leave, but you need to be safe right away.

What to Do If Your Husband Hates You

Even if you have been together for decades, the relationship can still change. People grow and their personalities gradually change over time. Even if your husband does hate you, it might not be because of anything that you or he did wrong. You might have just changed as people, and you are less compatible now.



The biggest problem is deciding what to do. If your husband does not hate you, but is no longer invested in the relationship, you have to start by addressing the problem. Spending more time together, learning how to argue constructively and talking can help improve your relationship. There are also many marriage counselors who can help you sort through any potential problems in your relationship.

If you are certain that he hates you, it might be time to talk to him about separating. At the very least, you need to bring up the topic of counseling. If his opinion is because of stress or a misconception, a calm, honest talk might clear up the underling problems. If his hatred is because he wants to get out of the relationship and is afraid to make the leap, you might have to talk about a separation. After being together for a long time, many people are afraid of taking the next step. If you cannot be together, then you have to take steps now to end the marriage. The situation will only get worse if it festers, so find a solution now.

Again, if your husband is emotionally or physically abusive, you need to leave. Too many people think that their partner will change or the abuse will just stop. You deserve to leave and have a safe, happy life. Even if he has legitimate issues that cause his behavior (like poor role models growing up or an abusive childhood), it is his responsibility to work on those problems. You do not have to, and should not have to, hang around in an unsafe environment while he learns to change. He can work on his problems alone and with counseling. In the meanwhile, you need to get out, find a safe place to live and rebuild your life.

The Bottom Line

If you are certain your husband hates you, you have two options: work things out or leave. The right option depends on your exact situation. If the changed feelings are because of a misunderstanding or a lack of time together, you might want to wait a few months, work on the relationship and see if things eventually work out.

If you are convinced your husband hates you and it is impossible for his feelings to change, there is no point in staying in the relationship. The hardest part is leaving. It seems terrifying or intimidating to start your life again, but you would have to do this sooner or later anyway. If you accept the loss now, you have a better chance of moving on and getting to a better place in your life.

32 COMMENTS

  1. Me and my husband been together since 2002 and we separated for 8 months ago and been back together for over a year now .Things been worse then ever and am trying but its seems diffrent he doesnt call me on his lunches or texts and hides his phone also never want to share the expenses.Also i put him on child support when we went o. Our break and since then .He only pays the cable bill and thats 133.00 and 80.00 phone bill.When i pay 825.00 in rent he said the child support is his part of the rent .Also out all the years he never put his hands on me till one day i went through his phone and i did pull a knife out on him but i wasnt going do nothing but to scared him and he hit me in the faces out of 15 years not once has he hit me .I dont no if i should make it work anymore he puts a locks on his phone doesnt hig me kiss me or tell me he loves me.i have cancer and my treatment made me lose my teeth and he once told me lool at yourself he would want to kiss you like thats should i make my marriage work we have two kids and he rise my first born now she is 21 .and my son is 13 and my daughther is 8 what i should do walk away or make it work.my family pass away in the last 3 year my mom dad and sister and he doesnt even hold me when am crying

    • It is clear that his actions are not respectful. His feelings for you may have changed. He may be confused or uncertain about his feelings. Take this time to determine what you want for our future. Think about the impact of how an abusive relationship may influence your children. Take this time to strengthen your relationships with your friends and family. Speak directly and honestly with your husband about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Star!

    • Oh sweetie, I’m sorry to hear this. My heart breaks for you. I want you to know something very important. You are deeply loved by our creator. He adores you and thinks you are so precious and beautiful just the way you are. True beauty comes from within the heart. God promises to never leave you nor forsake you. He will fight all your battles. All you have to do is believe Jesus is who He says he is. I pray that he makes a way for you that you can find your purpose here on earth, with peace and love and joy again with an unending hope for your future. I pray for your complete healing in your soul and full restoration in your relationship. God bless you love.

      • Thank you for sharing your positive and supportive comment. Please feel free to share more of your thoughts and feelings in the future. Have a great day, Amber!

    • Maybe if you didn’t pull a knife out on him he wouldn’t have felt in fear of his life and he wouldn’t have hit you. He probably was trying to hit the knife away. You’re both at fault for that.

      • Thank you for sharing your insights. Please continue to support our community with your positive thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Jenni!

    • Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. Please feel free to share more of your insights and experiences in the future. Have a great day, L!

    • Determine what actions are appropriate. Strengthen your relationships with your friends and family. Ensure that your actions are positive. You will want to end this relationship as soon as possible if your partner is abusing and neglecting you. You may want to save some money at this time. Best of luck, L!

    • Determine what actions are appropriate. Strengthen your relationships with your friends and family. Ensure that your actions are positive. You will want to end this relationship as soon as possible if your partner is abusing and neglecting you. You may want to save some money at this time. Best of luck, L!

      • They are right.. listen we have but only one life…. you need to respect yourself n your kids will too. Being at the mercy of his affection or ignorance is the worst way to live your life and set example for the kids.. save your money, get therapy and start doing something you love..i wish you all the best.. Gods grace b with you.

        • Thank you for sharing your positive and supporting comment. You are right, it is always best to act in a positive manner. Please feel free to share more of your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Meg!

  2. Ive been married to my husband for 10 years.He never told me he loves me. We never kiss or keep body contact. We dont talk to each other. He is working in another country and he comes home after two months and stay for three weeks.We only talk about the basic but we spend most of the time him in the bedroom watching soccer, me in the sitting room watching soapies until 10pm. I work and i drive to and from work everyday.i suggested we divorce he refused. I have everything any woman may need but no love. What worries me is that I dont care about him too currently. I dont miss him when he is not home. What must i do? Im a professional person he criticizes everything i do. He do nothing when he is at home. He prefers to sleep whole day eat sleep again. I chose to keep quiet bcs everytime I try to talk to him we end up fighting.

    • It is possible that his feelings for you have faded. He may feel tired. He may have something else on his mind. His life away from you may be influences his actions at home. Determine what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. If you no longer feel appreciated and loved, then you may want to end this relationship. Strengthen your relationships with your family and friends. Have a great day, Mirriam!

  3. I have been married for 14 years now we have two beautiful kids we do have ups and downs however since my last child which is 5 years now we have not been on the same bed. The kids sleep with me in our room and my husband sleep in the kids room by himself. Whenever I am in the mood to make love I will go over to that room when we finish I will return with the kids. I am 38 years and he is 41 years old.He don’t hug or kisses me anymore except when we making out which is whenever we both in good moods and not mad at each other he hardly speak when we do speak we fight,he he don’t buy gift or make me feel special on occasions like anniversary birthdays valentine or mother’s day he claimed he don’t have money .We both work and he give me all his money since we have lots of bills to pay I will manage the money . I feel as if I am not loved by him anymore we don’t sex for weeks he don’t want it.He don’t spend time with me and the kids mostly on the internet or phone he hardly fix anything that broke in the house .i am tired of been treated like a maid or a nobody. I cook clean and do all chores except laundry which he does . I am independent professional young lady I love my husband but the spark is not there I talk to him many times of this behavior because I am a woman with needs. Some persons would have ended this relationship long or cheated but I held on because I am not that type of girl I never cheat or feel the need to but just need love which I am not getting from my husband he love to play dominoes and if he could spend most weekend with friends and that game he will . I really need your advise.he never hit me but he is showing signs that he will now do it if I disrespect him.he not trying to mend any of his bad ways like improving on showing me love and affection .

    • The two of you have not shared a bed for years and the two of you are infrequently intimate. It is possible that another influence is causing him to behave in this manner. If he has threatened you with physical violence, then you need to escape this relationship with your children. Strengthen your relationship with your family and friends and seek support. Best of luck, Roshell!

    • Sugar, you need to put AND keep those kids in their beds so your husband can take his rightful place in yours. By kicking him out of his own bed not only have you denied him your presence and physical touch at night but you basically told him he’s not that important and gave his ‘power’ to your children (it’s even worse if they’re boys). I know you pride yourself on being an independent woman, as well you should, but it seems like you may accidentally be telling your husband you don’t need him and only care about fullfilling your own physical needs and pitting him against the kids by making them the enemy. Men have fragile egos, he wants to spend time away from home because probably in his eyes he feels less like a man when he’s there now because of the circumstance. Try taking a step back from being supermom, we’ve all been there, and give a little control and respect back to your husband because if he feels like a man, he’ll act like one. Learn to like dominoes, get a sitter and play with him, or you can bet soon some other woman will have no problem getting your man to play with her and then you really will be an independent woman. Good luck, men are so frigging sensitive. Love, J

      • Thank you for sharing your experiences and insights. There is always benefit in sharing your kindness and compassion with the people who are in your life. However, if you are concerned for your safety, always ensure that you care for yourself and your children. Have a great day, Jfb!

  4. Been married to my husband for 1 year now I try to talk to him and all he does is yell at me. I address to him that I can not get near him or want any short of attention from him because all he does is push me away. And I have to wait until he wants me I don’t bother him nothing I wait until he wants me or gets near me. He calls me names I don’t disrespect him or call him names at all. I pay all the rent he only pays the cell phone and internet bill. I don’t ask him for money nothing he keeps his money away from me and our of our joint account I want to cry but why should I he lies and hide things I told him we needed to separate he got all mad and started yelling at me and says all I am doing is running away.

    • He is being extremely unfair to you. Some of the things that he is doing sound like the start of an abusive relationship. Separating or getting a divorce is certainly an option if this behavior continues–you don’t deserve to be called names, used for money or screamed at all the time. If you (and, more importantly, him) want the relationship to work, you may need to find a marriage counselor, a pastor or someone you trust to give you marriage counseling. The way he behaves is not acceptable, and it may take a third party to listen and help him change. Good luck, Marisa Alicia Mendoza!

  5. My husband abandoned me for 3 and half years,he left us,me and the children in an expired rent,when the landlord spoke to him on phone about the rent,he said he has no business with me or the kids. Their age was 1 and 3,now they are 4plus and 6.the landlord lockup the house, we slept outside,I suffered with my children, cause I lived different city from my family. before I got some money and moved out. now he is asking for the custody of the children.

    • His behaviors are unacceptable and likely will prevent him from legally obtaining custody of your children. You are not in a city where your family is, so for the sake of your children, you should move them to be with your family. Spend additional time with your family and friends. Ensure that they are willing to support you during the custody hearings. You will want cause him to pay child support at this time. Best of luck, Linda!

  6. Hello i have been married for 10 Years now and for the pass 3 years my marriage has made a huge turn my husband constantly accuses me of cheating , because i went on facebook, but i have been faithful my whole marriage . now he has become violent both physical and verbal i feel like a prisoner , he treats me soooo bad, i tell him i have never been unfaithful but doesnt believe me i cant stand it nomore . sense i have been with him i havent worked so i dont have income or a place to go any advice?

    • He has verbally and physically abused you. You need to end this relationship as soon as you are able to do so. Speak with the police. It is possible that his actions will become more aggressive and violent. Strengthen your relationships with your friends and family. His accusations and behaviors are signs that he may have been unfaithful to you. Best of luck, Anon!

  7. Hello please I need your advice. I got pregnant after my NySC. My family suggested that we should do Introduction which we did and I am the one who is responsible for paying for cloth we put on. And they ask him when is the wedding he said next year but during the pregnancy he made me to see hell. And after I delivered two weeks after he beats me up. He always told his mum everything he told his mum that I cannot do anything. I buy almost everything for the child. The worst thing he did now is that he walked to my sister and told her that am the one who requested from him that I want to get pregnant please what should I do?

    • Your partner has abused you. You need to end this relationship immediately. Speak with the authorities about his actions. Strengthen your relationships with your family and friends at this time. Speak with your sister about your thoughts and feelings. She may be able to support you at this time. He may be attempting to cause you to separate from your family in an attempt to control you. You need to get support at this time. Best of luck, Damilola!

  8. This one is long winded, but also long overdue.

    I have been married to my husband for 20 years and when it’s good it’s really good, but when it’s bad it’s evil. We have 4 children, one that is ours and three that he raised as his own.

    My husband is not patient, has anger issues, is a hypocrite, has the mentality of “do as I say not as I do” and always turns every problem around on me. He loves to yell over me when we are in a disagreement, we hardly see eye to eye when it comes to our employees and our kids, he is controlling and manipulative.

    He has taken over my business and changed everthing to the point that we are now financially struggling, Whereas for 6 years straight we weren’t, this business is our primary source of income now that I brought him home to be apart of the business (after all he hated his prior job). He makes me feel like my ideas are ridiculous and constantly 2nd guesses me in front of our employees and our children that are now adults.

    He has called me a fucking bitch in front of my mom 3 years ago which was so embarrassing and I swear my girls find abusive boyfriends based on the role model that I call their dad/my husband. He drives like a maniac when he is angry. There is no reasoning or communicating with him without going to war. He burries his head 6ft deep to avoid conflicts with anyone else.

    He has also gone off on me in front of my other family members, besides my mom.

    About three months ago he told me he hated me, can’t stand being around me, I make him miserable. He puts himself first and disregards my wants, needs, and wishes.

    I honestly can’t stand his siblings, They are worse than him. My husband comes from a very abused childhood, physically tormented by his older brother and molested by his other siblings (he’s the baby of 7). His parents have no idea, it was a hush hush no tattling lifestyle, hell! I didn’t even know up until about 3 years ago, mind you, I’ve been married to him for 20 years!! What else is he keeping from me?

    His parent’s blame me when things go sour, for example my husband started a wood working business 8 years ago and we lost everything including our home due to poor employee decisions made by my husband. I’m guilty by supporting his dream and marketing his business better than I should have.

    Fast forward into the business I created that got us out of the hole my husband put us in and gave us a better life than before. His parents find ways to put me down with the business while they build their son up. Saying things like “thank god for Steve and his capabilities”. We live 5 mins away from his parents and upto 4 hours from his farthest sibling. GOD HELP ME! I am thousands of miles away from my side of the family (mom, brother, cousins, aunts, and uncles). I moved close to his family because I thought it was important to him, worst mistake of my life.

    99% of our fights are based on our children, our employees, and my husband not being tighter with our business finances. Otherwise, we do really well. However, not well enough to continue to allow my husband to talk down to me, turn everthing around on me, tell me he can’t stand me, that he hates me, his self centeredness, not be compassionate, mentally punish me if he doesn’t get his way, and tell me he wish I would leave and never come back since it would finally be peaceful.

    We just got back from a vacation which was nice and short lived. However, on our return red eye flight he fell asleep leaving me to battle my anxiety and panic attacks due to flying and he loved keeping the shade up to and from as if I really wanted to look outside while we were thousands of miles up in the air, but he wanted to look outside and could care less how I was feeling.

    He expects me to baby him, but the hell with me when I need it in return.

    When we got back after sleeping until 5 pm, I asked if we could watch a movie that night and we made a date, but at the last minute he wanted to drink and I didn’t want us to since we have been parting in Las Vegas for a week straight. He snuck away to drink, blew me off and I expressed my frustration since it was already midnight and since I did, he had the audacity to say “Well you just lost your movie” like I’m some 5 year old.

    I left for a couple hours because I was ticked and upon my return he was sound asleep without a care in the world. He did not even check on me, I have a hard time driving at night and he knows that. He’s been a dick since we got back and treats me like I’m a nuisance that he wishes would just disappear.

    I’m no saint, but I support him, praise him, and try to work on us. I would never ever say that I hated him or wish he would just disappear.

    I’m ready to leave him and everything else behind me and start fresh 20 years later. I need to feel wanted and loved, but I don’t want to leave my kids or grandkids since they need me. Besides, how does someone start all over again after 20 years of becoming as one with someone? I have a place to go, but I need more than that.

    Lost and confused in Minnesota.

    • You are aware that your partner is controlling and manipulative. He has proven to you and your family that he is verbally abusive. He has begun neglecting you and has told you that he is not interested in maintaining a relationship with you. You do not deserve this abuse. Determine what you want for your future. It is important that you protect your children from abuse as well. Strengthen your relationships with your friends and family. Have a great day, Diane!

  9. Hi I have been married to my husband for almost 4 years and have been with him for almost 6 years. It has been rough but lately, the most days or majority of those days i am with him and the kids when i’m not working 16 hours or going to school so i am exhausted but he is always criticizing me when i dont cook. Mind you i cook on my days off but there are some days where im completley mentally exhausted. Also recently, he thinks i have a thing for my coworker which i dont. He asks me about how my day is at work but my partner is always him and i work long hours with him. My husband gets jealous and mocks me and has even called me all names in the book. Also its not like me to bring a girl friend over to our home to hang out but i felt like it was much needed…he blew up on my friend and on me saying why i was spending time with her when i should be spending time with him, then puts me on blast on fb in front of thousands of friends that i should pack my stuff and leave if im going to be disrespectful to him. I deleted it. I tried to talk about him about this behavior the next day And he called me a whore to my face, i reacted by slapping him in the face (which i know i shouldnt have) but in turn he pulled my hair so hard and choked me out. I cried for dear life begging him to let me go. I’m so confused and hurt! I left the house saying my last words and he told me to pack my clothes also, he doesnt check up on me and that is very like him.
    Im so scared to move on and i hate the fact im going through this, i still love him but i feel stupid for doing so

    • He has abused you and neglected you. He has thoughts that you are cheating on him, which may be signs of his thoughts and influences. He has choked you, so you need to immediately end this relationship. Strengthen your relationships with you family and friends. You may want to speak with the police about his actions. Determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Lucy!

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