When you get married, your goal is to be together forever. There is probably (or, at least, hopefully) no one who got married with the goal of getting divorced later on. Unfortunately, life happens. Financial problems and cheating are a leading cause for divorce, but a number of other things can end up hurting the quality of your relationship.
If you have been married for a while, you know what your husband normally acts like. You know when he is telling the truth and when something seems wrong. While you might misunderstand his behavior sometimes, you are generally good about understanding what is going on within his mind. Right now, it seems like something is off. You don’t want to admit it, but you think that you see signs your husband hates you. Since you are afraid of what his answer will be, you do not want to ask him about his feelings. If you want to learn the signs your husband hates you and what you should do about it, keep reading.
While some signs your husband hates you are fairly obvious, other signs are less conspicuous. Whatever the case, we have compiled some of the more obvious signs. Check them out to see if your husband hates you. If you think that he does, the next section will cover what you can do about it.
1. He Forgets Major Dates
There is a caveat to this sign. If this is the only sign that he does, ignore it. Many, many men and women forget important dates. For many people, a birthday or anniversary just doesn’t seem that important. What you need to look for is sudden changes. If your husband always remembers your birthday and suddenly forgets every important date, it might be time to get worried.
Look for changes in your behavior. Is he suddenly late to dates and important events with you? Does he forget about your birthday? When you point it out, does he seem not to care? If he is no longer invested in the relationship, he will stop paying as much attention to these little things. If he never worried about dates, then this is not a sign of anything. If he used to care and there is no reason for forgetting (like stress at work), then you should be worried.
2. He Stops Showing Affection
Another common sign that your husband hates you or no longer feels the same way is if he stops showing affection. While some guys are not extremely affectionate, you know what to expect from your husband already. If he suddenly avoids physical contact or stops kissing you good night, then there might be a problem. Intimacy and physical contact are very important for building a relationship. Body language experts can even see when couples are headed for divorce because they stop sitting close to each other or subtly touching each other when they are nearby.
3. He Is Critical of You
As a rule, spouses should always support each other. They might not always agree, but they work together to solve problems. If your husband criticizes everything you do, then something is not right in the relationship. Perhaps he critiques your hair or says that you washed dishes the wrong way. When you make a romantic dinner, he criticizes the dishes you made or ignores the gesture entirely.
When someone criticizes you, it is often a sign that they do not care as much about you. If they did, they would try not to hurt you. While it is possible that he does not realize how hurtful he is being, it is also possible that he no longer wants to be in the relationship and is tracking all of the things he hates. At the very least, you should talk to your husband about the way he is acting with you.
4. He Stops Spending Time With You
For a relationship to grow, you need to be around each other and do things together. Many women assume that their husband is having an affair if he is at work for long hours or is always at a friend’s house. While this is a possibility, it is also possible that he is just trying to avoid. It is also entirely possible that he just has to work longer hours or his friend needed extra help.
You need to start by looking at the context. If there are clear, understandable reasons why he is gone, then it might not be anything to worry about. If he never has a good excuse and it seems like he is deliberately avoiding you, then there might be a problem. This is especially true if the only time he spends around you is with activities where he does not have to interact with you a lot. For example, a party with friends or a movie date. If he avoids interactions in the few moments you get together, then he might be trying to avoid you. He might not hate you quite yet, but something in the relationship is starting to change.
5. He Is Violent
If he is violent with you, leave now. Even if he stops being violent in the future, this is a sign of what he is capable of and shows that you should go away. Emotional and physical abuse are very clear problems that need to be addressed. Abusive behavior is dangerous and will rarely change for the better. If you see this sign, you need to leave and find a safe place to live.
6. He Is Emotionally Abusive
Emotionally abusive could be actually calling you names, but it could also be more subtle. He might make sly comments that put you down or damage your ego. Either he lacks confidence, or he wants to hurt your confidence so that you feel like he is the best you can do. Whatever the reason, emotionally abusive behavior is not okay. Leaving now is the best option because this is an unhealthy situation. You can go to marital counseling once you leave, but you need to be safe right away.
What to Do If Your Husband Hates You
Even if you have been together for decades, the relationship can still change. People grow and their personalities gradually change over time. Even if your husband does hate you, it might not be because of anything that you or he did wrong. You might have just changed as people, and you are less compatible now.
The biggest problem is deciding what to do. If your husband does not hate you, but is no longer invested in the relationship, you have to start by addressing the problem. Spending more time together, learning how to argue constructively and talking can help improve your relationship. There are also many marriage counselors who can help you sort through any potential problems in your relationship.
If you are certain that he hates you, it might be time to talk to him about separating. At the very least, you need to bring up the topic of counseling. If his opinion is because of stress or a misconception, a calm, honest talk might clear up the underling problems. If his hatred is because he wants to get out of the relationship and is afraid to make the leap, you might have to talk about a separation. After being together for a long time, many people are afraid of taking the next step. If you cannot be together, then you have to take steps now to end the marriage. The situation will only get worse if it festers, so find a solution now.
Again, if your husband is emotionally or physically abusive, you need to leave. Too many people think that their partner will change or the abuse will just stop. You deserve to leave and have a safe, happy life. Even if he has legitimate issues that cause his behavior (like poor role models growing up or an abusive childhood), it is his responsibility to work on those problems. You do not have to, and should not have to, hang around in an unsafe environment while he learns to change. He can work on his problems alone and with counseling. In the meanwhile, you need to get out, find a safe place to live and rebuild your life.
The Bottom Line
If you are certain your husband hates you, you have two options: work things out or leave. The right option depends on your exact situation. If the changed feelings are because of a misunderstanding or a lack of time together, you might want to wait a few months, work on the relationship and see if things eventually work out.
If you are convinced your husband hates you and it is impossible for his feelings to change, there is no point in staying in the relationship. The hardest part is leaving. It seems terrifying or intimidating to start your life again, but you would have to do this sooner or later anyway. If you accept the loss now, you have a better chance of moving on and getting to a better place in your life.