Being in love and also in a relationship can be overwhelming. At one end, you want to spend all your time with this person, yet at the other end, you know you also need to keep your independence. It’s a challenge to balance this, yet it’s not impossible. You may think that space is a bad thing, however, having your own space while you’re with someone is a necessity. So, don’t think of it as you two drifting a part, it’s actually very healthy for a relationship. Now, if your relationship hasn’t been doing so well and then your partner is asking for space, I would be more concerned. However, in any other case, this is just to create balance in your relationship. So, if you feel that your partner or yourself may need some space, you can do this is in a way that won’t have them doubting the relationship. Let’s get you learning how to give space in your relationship.
Don’t think of this as a bad thing
Because it’s not. If you approach this with a negative mindset, your partner will feel it. Instead, think of this as a healthy part of your relationship. You and your partner both need separate interests and time for yourself. This is normal, then you’ll have something to share with your partner at the end of the day. If you’re partner approached you with this, don’t be offended, they’re only asking you for some time to do things they would like to do. They’re not telling you they want to breakup.
Do something that makes you happy
The most important part of your own identity is doing something that fulfills you. Of course, your relationship makes you happy but you also want to do things provide your with joy. These things may not be the same things that your partner likes to do, but that’s okay. Whether it’s writing, swimming, dancing – you need to do what makes you feel good as a person.
Communicate what you need
If you need two hours a day to be alone, tell your partner this. You need to tell them what you need because if you don’t, they’ll assume that this space is because of them. If you want to go rowing every Saturday afternoon, tell them this. That way, they’ll also be able to find activities that they want to do in that time-frame.
Not too pleased with having space?
I get it, this can create anxiety in us when we have to give our partner space. But, you have to know that these emotions you’re feeling are completely normal. In fact, you should embrace them. Write them down, talk to your partner – you need to figure out why you’re feeling like this and what to do to overcome these emotions.
Respect their wishes
If they came to you asking for some space, you have to respect it. Sure, you may not like it, you don’t have to like it, but you do have to respect it. Overtime, you’ll get used to it and start to develop your own routine when they’re not there. It’s normal to be hesitant in the beginning, but regardless of how you’re feeling, allow them space they asked for.
Have fun when you’re back together
If your partner goes hiking every Sunday when they come back from their trip go out for dinner and talk about how the hiking trip went. You can use the time to talk about what you both did and enjoy bonding over it. Perhaps your partner wants to check out the painting class you’re doing or will join you next time for a bike ride. You don’t have to keep your time to yourself a secret – show them photos, talk about what you did – share them the experience so that they understand why you love doing what you do.
Don’t make drastic space
If you want space, communicate this to your partner. But, make sure you’re not shocking them with the amount of space you want. You’ll want to ease them into this. So, if you’re ideally looking for two days on your own, perhaps start with an afternoon or one full day. See how they react to this. They may need some time in order to come to terms with this, so, if you ease into it, it’ll be easier for them.
Be patient with your partner
They love you, so, naturally, they don’t want to spend a minute away from you. I don’t know your partner, for some, it may be easy but for others, they may have separation anxiety. Though I know you want your space, you need to be patient with them and understand their emotions and where they’re coming from. Not everyone will grasp this concept as quickly as you do.
Use this time to connect with friends
When we’re in a relationship we tend to throw our friendships to the side and focus solely on our partner. Now, it’s not a bad thing, however, you don’t want to forget your friends. I’ve had many friends who stop talking to me when they’re in a relationship and when the relationship doesn’t work out, they call me again. I understand why they do this, but this doesn’t create a bond between us, instead, I feel used. So, during the time off from your partner, use it to keep in touch with your friends.
Don’t give too much space though
There’s a fine line between giving someone space and then completely distancing yourself from them. If you notice that you’re enjoying more time away from them than with them, perhaps you need to look closer at that. Once you two have established how much time you’ll have a part, stick to that. Your partner wants to know that even though they have time to themselves, they’re still with you.
Always check in with them
Yes, you have your own space, but you should still be giving your partner some attention. When you’re not giving your partner attention, this is when they’ll feel that this space between you two is widening. You don’t want that to occur. You don’t need to phone them every two minutes, but you can send them a photo of what you’re doing or tell them something funny that happened. You know, make them feel that they are still a part of your life even though they’re not there with you.
Don’t force them to answer you
If you’re wondering why your partner needs space, you can ask, of course. However, you need to know that maybe they’re not looking for physical space but rather emotional space. This doesn’t mean they don’t want to be with you, this could simply mean they want time on they’re own to breathe and think. If they choose to share this personal information with you, then that’s great. However, not everyone wants to talk about this and to be honest, they don’t have to tell you. So, if they choose not to, don’t try to weasel this information out of them.
This is about keeping your individuality
If your partner asks for space, you’re most likely going to think it’s because of you. Don’t. It’s not because of you. You need to understand that the space between you two is what gives you both your individuality. Though of course, you’re a couple, you are also your own person. When you are your own person you are able to contribute much more to your relationship and give it the balance it needs. So, the next time you’re freaking out about having some space between you and your partner, ask yourself this question, “Is my relationship balanced?”
Now that you know how to give space in your relationship, I highly recommend you give it a try. Sure, it won’t be easy, but you have to understand that this is only to benefit your relationship, not destroy it. As long as you two are communicative and express your emotions, this can work out perfectly. Plus, you’ll have some time to do things you really want to do, like go shopping, bike ride, read your comic books or have a nap. That doesn’t sound bad to me at all, you’re having a mini vacation and time for yourself. Enjoy this moment because you’ll become a better person out of it.