The divorce rate goes up each and every year. Some of us sit here and wonder, ‘Why?’
We may think that there is no certain answer that helps us identify what actually kills an important relationship, such as a marriage, but that is simply not true. There are a lot of different things that bring a marriage to a close. These things are easily avoidable and even fixable. So what are some of the ways that men, and sometimes even women, tend to destroy their marriage? Read below to find out 18 of the most relevant ways a marriage comes to an end.
Not Being Reliable
Marriage is supposed to be a sacred bond and definitely is not to be taken lightly. That’s why it’s important to remember that you are in it for the long haul. Sometimes, somewhere along the way, you might forget that. That is truly when things tend to go downhill in relationships. When you stop being reliable and available to your partner when they need you, things will start falling apart. Your spouse will expect you to be there for them when they need you. Reliability is a key factor in a healthy relationship and it’s important to be a reliable partner.
Not Enough Intimacy
Another extremely important factor when it comes to any relationship, but especially marriage, is having the right amount of intimacy. It’s totally understandable that over time, intimacy falters a little bit. That’s what happens when life overwhelms you. You might notice that having kids or pursuing a career/education might put a damper on things getting heated up in the bedroom. However, there is much more to intimacy than just getting it on. We know that sex is extremely important in a relationship, but there are other types of physical intimacy to be aware of too. Those often get forgotten. It’s important to remember to do the little gestures. Hand holding, small kisses, caressing… Those are all crucial to making your partner feel intimately connected to you. Not supplying this connection will lead a marriage inevitably to destruction. So even if you can’t have sex as much as you want to or as you have in the past, remember to keep up the little intimate gestures to make up for it!
Not Connecting On An Emotional Level
And just as it is extremely vital to keep yourselves connected physically, it’s equally, if not more important to remain connected emotionally. Without emotional intimacy, a marriage will definitely not last very long. Connecting on a deeper level is what makes the two of you right for each other. Without that, you won’t have much of a foundation to base your marriage on any longer. Closing yourself off emotionally to your partner will leave them with the feeling that they need something more. When that happens, your partner might start searching for someone out there that they do share the desired emotional bond with.
Neglecting Your Partner’s Needs
Every human being has specific needs when it comes to being in a romantic relationship with someone else. Your partner may start to lose interest in the marriage entirely if they feel like you can’t meet their specific needs any longer. And, if that happens, they might give up caring for your needs as well. This is a recipe for disaster and destruction when it comes to your marriage altogether. You partner may need you to be there for them and when you aren’t, you are hurting their self esteem as well as putting the emotional spark out between you. The reason your partner married you is because they trusted you to be their for them in any situation. Not doing that leads to a failing marriage.
Forgetting To Appreciate Your Partner
One of the biggest marriage killers (or relationship killer in general) is forgetting to appreciate your partner for who they are and what they do for you! Surely we can all agree that not feeling appreciated is one of the worst feelings in the entire world, right? That’s why it’s crucial to ensure that your partner feels appreciated at all times. Thank them for the things that they do for you, especially when they go out of their way to do them, just because they know it makes you happy. Remind them on a daily basis how important and detrimental they are to your life. It’s best to do this every single day! Of course it can be hard to do this when you have your own things going on in your life, but not recognizing or appreciating your partner will make you out to be selfish. This ultimately leads to destruction of a bond that was once so amazing between you.
Trying To Force Your Partner To Change
Another destroyer of all relationships? Unrealistic expectations. It’s understandable if you need your partner to change certain habits, like smoking or a gambling addiction, but expecting them to change their entirely personality at the drop of the hat is ridiculous. You married your partner for who they are and that includes all of their flaws. Although it’s okay to ask them to work on certain things that are ruining your bond, it’s not okay to ask them to change entirely simply because you suddenly dislike one of their traits. Holding your partner up to unrealistic expectations might only lead them to resent you in the end, or come after you to try and change, too. This starts a sort of war between you. It’s never a good idea.
Playing On Your Partner’s Insecurity
One of the worst things you can do in a marriage is take your partner’s insecurities and use them against them. This is a terrible tactic and another way to build up resentment between you. Not only that, but you risk ruining your partner’s confidence in the process. This is not something that will help keep you two together. In reality it will push the two of you apart each and every time that you do it. They will start to feel like they are not worthy for you and this will ultimately end things in the long run. Whether now or later, it’s a great way to kill the romance.
Pressuring Your Partner
Putting pressure on your partner is a great way to stress them out. Pressuring them to do things that they don’t want to or take risks they are unsure of can lead them to feel uncertain about their relationship with you. It’s best to let them decide to do things at their own pace to avoid creating a negative atmosphere between the both of you.
Not Taking Accountability And Placing Blame
Destroying a marriage is never as easy as it is when you are constantly playing the blame game with your partner. Not taking responsibility in your relationship and consistently placing blame on your partner is another amazing way to make them feel terrible about themselves and lower their confidence. Although you may feel that you are right in a situation, or all situations, that simply cannot be true. Sometimes we may think that we are right, but we are blinded by stubbornness. Even if you are right, it’s important to be wary of how you portray that to your partner. Placing blame on them and gloating about it are only going to lead to more resentment and end the romance that was once there.
Try to take a step back and evaluate each situation with an open mind before placing blame. And when you do place blame, be kind about it and speak calmly to your partner.
Financially Burdening Them
An important thing to build a healthy relationship is sharing financial responsibility. Leaving your partner to care for all of the finances alone can put a heavy weight on your relationship and drag it down. It’s important to share responsibility when it comes to a lot of things in a marriage, but especially when it comes to fiscal endeavors. Leaving your partner drowning in your debt or not helping them out when they need it can make them feel like they are putting too much responsibility into the marriage on their own. This makes them want to consider being by themselves, because they feel like they are doing it all alone already.
Using Criticism To Communicate
Nothing screams ‘our marriage is in trouble!’ more than constant criticism. Criticizing everything that your partner does as a way to get a message across is a prominent form of ruining your marriage.
Lacking Communication In General
Communication is essential to maintaining a healthy marriage and making it work. Lack of communication is one of the number one marriage killers there are out there. Without proper communicating, your marriage will definitely fail. It’s important to voice your thoughts to your partner and it’s equally important to listen to their thoughts, too. Laying out your feelings, opinions and thoughts on the table is extremely important to keep both of you happy.
No healthy relationship consists of constant ultimatums. Ultimatums are a childish way to get what you want from someone. These tend to wear people down and make them feel as if what they want isn’t important. It also makes it seem like they are disposable to you. Compromise is such a vital part to keeping both you and your partner content. Without it, nothing will get accomplished and ultimatums start to have the upper hand. You may think ultimatums are a good way to finding a solution, but they most certainly are not. And it’s just another thing to add to the list of things that build resentment in your relationship.
Forgetting To Do The Small Things
We discussed the importance of appreciating your partner, but there is more to appreciating them than to just verbally remind them. They say actions speak louder than words and they are absolutely right in saying so! Forgetting to do the small things like bringing home a surprise every now and then or making them a nice meal once in awhile can put a damper on your relationship. That’s not saying that you need to cater to your partner, but showing them that sometimes you can do a good job at making them feel special is crucial! It’s also a good idea to make sure you take your partner out on dates. Even if you have been together for a long period of time! Dates and nights alone, especially when you have kids, are one of the most efficient ways to keep the spark between you lit at all times.
Not Helping Out When You’re Needed
Speaking of having kids… When you start a family and have careers, you can get lost on what you should be doing for your part of the responsibility. You might think that it’s your partner’s job to keep up with all of that stuff. Like cooking, cleaning or caring for the kids. It’s not. It’s the life that you both built together, so you should both assume equal responsibility in caring for it all. Not doing so may lead your partner to become frustrated with you. This is often a way that marriages get destroyed.
Ditching Active Listening Skills
One thing that makes for a good partner is the fact that they are always there to listen to you. When you stop listening to your partner is when things really start falling apart. It’s important to be there to listen to your partner or to be their shoulder to cry on. Without those things, you become an inadequate partner to them.
Penting Up Resentment
Doing some of the things we mentioned above will definitely make your partner harbor some resentment towards you. If that happens, there’s a good chance it will lead to a big blow out in the end. Letting that happen is a sure way to end things between you once and for all. How do you stop that from happening? Finding a solution to each of the problems before creating a new one. It’s really as easy as that.
Having An Affair
Having an affair, even just an emotional one, is one of the number one things that ends marriages. By doing this, you lose your partner’s trust and make things much harder from here on out. That is if they don’t decide to end the marriage when they first find out or hear about it