Water is everywhere, and it is the one thing that we need for life on this planet. Whether you have a job working with water or just like water puns, these puns and water jokes are perfect for you. You can use some of the puns to make your own creative jokes or just use the water puns as they are written.
1. H20 is water, but what is H204? It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
2. A man goes to the doctor because he is sick, and the doctor gives him 20 pills that he has to drink with a glass of water each. The man says, “Oh, boy! What do I have, doc?” The doctor says, “You’re just dehydrated.” This is a funny joke that is longer than most of the jokes on this list.
3. Everyone was worried when Lassie started barking about Timmy falling in a hole of water, but they knew she meant well. This is a fairly obvious pun about water.
4. What did one ocean say to another? Nothing, it just waved.
5. How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl? If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
6. Why did the furry, white bear dissolve in water? It was a polar bear.
7. What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean? Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
8. Where do bacteria go to solve a fight? The settling chamber.
9. Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground? Well, well, well.
10. Twenty people are underneath an umbrella. How many of those people get wet? None. No one said it was raining.
11. There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water. Number one. And number two.
12. What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water? A one molar solution.
13. What do you call water that is good for you? Well water.
14. What did the fish say when it ran into the wall? Dam.
15. Why couldn’t the girl fish in the creek? It was way too crawdad.
16. What did the beaver say after she slipped in water? Dam it.
17. Why couldn’t the fish watch YouTube? He couldn’t stream the video.
18. Why does the river have problems remembering things? Because she is becoming sea nile.
19. Why are oceans so meticulous? They like to be pacific.
20. What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle? Water you doing today?
21. What type of car does a seahorse drive? A Fjord Bronco, of course!
22. Why did the ocean break up with the pond? She thought he was too shallow.
23. What did the bottled water tell the spy? The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
24. Why does water never laugh at jokes? It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
25. How do you make holy water? Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
26. Here’s to the moment when you pay big bucks for Evian water and realize it spells Naive backwards. This isn’t a water pun really, but it is an interesting observation.
27. When does it start to rain money? When there is change in the weather.
28. A blond was driving down the road when she noticed another blonde rowing a boat in the middle of a field. The blonde pulled the car over and said, “What do you think you are doing? You’re giving us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I’d get out and kick your butt!” Clever, very clever.
29. If Smart water were actually smart, then why did it get bottled? Excellent question.
30. The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside. You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
31. RIP to Boiled Water. You will be sorely mist.
32. What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella? Fo’ Drizzle.
33. What happens before it starts raining candy? It sprinkles!
34. Where do lightning bolts like to go for dates? Cloud 9.
35. How do lightening bolts flirt together? They electrocute each other.
36. Why is sex similar to a thunderstorm? You can never know how many inches you will get or how long it will last.
37. What did the hail storm tell the roof? You better hang onto your shingles because this won’t be ordinary sprinkles.
38. What goes up when rain starts to come down? Umbrellas.
39. What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese? Fowl weather.
40. What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation? Hail, of course!
41. How is a horse different from the weather? One rains down and the other is reined up.
42. Where do meteorologists like to drink after work? The closest ISOBAR.
43. How do you know Monday is coming? Because it’s MonSoon.
44. How does Santa deliver gifts during a thunderstorm? He flies his body with a bunch of rain-deer.
45. What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once? England.
46. A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation to the new swimming pool. I gave him a cup of water. This was probably not the type of donation he was looking for.
47. What is a king’s favorite type of precipitation? Reign!
48. What do you call a wet teddy bear? A drizzly bear.
49. What is worse than when it is raining buckets? Hailing taxis.
50. What did one raindrop tell the other raindrop? Two’s a company, but three’s a crowd.
51. How can you wrap up a cloud? In a rainbow.
52. What is the weather report in Mexico? Chili today, but hot tamale.
53. Why was the man using ketchup during the rain? Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
54. Are bees able to fly in a rainstorm? Not without their yellow jackets, they can’t.
55. What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle? The weekend.
56. What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation? A rain of terror.
57. What does it mean to have daylight saving time in Seattle? You get an extra hour of rain.
58. What falls all the time, but never gets hurt? Rain.
59. My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore. I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
60. How do thunderstorms like to invest their money? They use liquid assets and frozen assets.
61. Nine out of 10 doctors recommend that children drink water rather than soda. The last doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
62. Why was the blonde standing outside the store in the thunderstorm? She wanted to cash her rain check.
63. Why do sharks only swim in salt water? Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
64. How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date? He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
65. Why did the beaver climb the tower? He wanted to save a dam-sel in distress.
66. What can you do if you are the ocean? Watever you want.
67. Why was the sea so upset? She was feeling a little beachy today.
68. Why does the river never get lost? She always finds the right pathwave.
69. Why did the ocean leave the party early? She was getting really tide.
70. Why do poets always write about the sea? They just can’t fathom her depths.
71. Why is the ocean always on time? She likes to stay current.
72. Why did the Indian Ocean have to go to the doctor? She kept having sea-zures.
73. Why is a river an amazing roommate? He just likes to go with the flow.
74. How are a lake and a Buddhist monk alike? They both like to pond-er the meaning of life.
75. Why don’t you see an ocean in school? They just can’t wade through all that homework.
76. Why did the lake date the river? He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
77. Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby? It was a buoy!
78. What happened when the tide went out? The ocean disa-peir-ed.
79. What did the ocean say to the corny water pun? You’ve got to be squidding me.
80. Why should you never judge an ocean by its color? Ap-peir-ances can be deceiving.
81. Why do fish live in schools? Because they are very intellectshoal.
82. Why is the Navy on the ocean? For seacurity.
83. Why couldn’t the fish ask the ocean out on a date? He was too bassful.
84. Why do whales travel long distances? They migrate sea-sonally.
85. What did the dolphin say after breaking a vase? I didn’t do it on porpoise!
86. What did the orca say to his guest? Whale-come home, my friend!
87. Why did the fish invest in the stock market? He thought it was an excellent oppor-tuna-ity.
88. What do you call animal rights activists who focus on sea animals? A whale-fare activist.
89. What did the shrimp say after its friend died? It’s a real krill or be krilled world out there.
90. What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby? Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
91. Did you hear what happened after the oil tanker leaked? They say salmon will pay for it.
92. What television game show does water like to watch? The Ice Is Right.
93. Why did the glass of water turn into a cloud? She had really great self-esteam.
94. Where do water droplets go to settle arguments? The Supreme Quart.
95. Why can’t lakes move? They are really loch-ed in.