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5 Effective Ways to Deal with a Guy Who Flakes Out on You


You’ve finally set the date, and you’re ready to go. But the minute you get out of the car to walk to the restaurant, you get a text. It’s him. He’s telling you 15 minutes before your date that he can’t make it. Frustrating as it may be, try to hold off on exploding into rage. Instead, take the following steps:

“Oh no, that’s too bad!” Give him the benefit of the doubt. Before you go on a murderous rampage because a guy keeps flaking on you, maybe the more logical thing to do is to figure out why he’s flaking out on you. There is a slight chance that he’s doing this not because he wants to, but because he has more important things to do. And keep in mind that if you’re just in the early dating phase, you simply can’t expect to be his number one priority.

Good reasons for him flaking out on you would include sudden rush tasks from his demanding job, a family member that he needs to care for, or a genuine emergency like a broken down car, losing his wallet, or (knock on wood) getting his house suddenly burnt down. So before you give him the boot, try to give him the benefit of the doubt at least once.

“It’s okay.” Play it cool the first time. Like we mentioned above, going on a roaring rampage isn’t good for you (or your frown lines). The better option would be to play it cool and let him know that you’d like to catch him at another time. However, make sure that you’re not the one to set the date and time for you next encounter. Instead, ask him when he’s available so that you can be at least partially sure he’d be free on that date. However, if he gives vague wishy-washy answers, then maybe he’s just not that into you.

“I understand.” Make him regret not spending time on you. Want to ensure that he’s going to show up on your next date? Make him feel like he’s missing out by flaking on you. Don’t send him random photos of you having fun without him because, out of context, that’s just really weird. Instead, send him a message saying that you understand how busy he is and that you might also be busy in the coming days, and yet you hope he has a great day.

What this does is paint you as a saint for understanding why he flaked out on you, but it also shows how you acknowledge how busy he is. On top of that, it shows him that you might not be available in the coming days, which is why he should hurry up and set a date with you if he wants to see you. Think of it as an ultimatum wrapped in kindness.

“…” Don’t be too nice. In the message above, you may have made it clear that you’re an understanding person. But by no means does that mean you’re letting him step all over you. Instead, once you’ve had the talk about maybe rescheduling or acknowledging how busy both of you are, try to be less available. The silent treatment may or may not work in your favor, however.

What you can do is to not respond to him for maybe two days. This will show him that you’re not always going to be available for him, and that flaking out is just another way you won’t get to see each other. If he insists or promises to make it up to you, this can be his way of proving that he truly is interested in dating you. In this case, give him a chance.

On the other hand, if you ghost him for a couple of days and he seems to be taking it well, consider it a sign that he’s not all that interested in being with you. The logical thing to do in this case is to just drop him like a hot potato.

“Adios!” Can’t stand how this guy is always so flaky when you’ve been nothing but kind and understanding to him? The best thing to do might be to give him a taste of his own medicine by ignoring him altogether until he gets his act together. If he practically begs you to give him another chance, that choice is entirely up to you. If you get nothing from him, then give him nothing in return.

On the other hand, if you hate all things about flakiness and would prefer to give things a definitive end, send him a civil text that sends a clear message. Here’s one way to put it, “I don’t think things are working out between us. It was nice talking to you these past few days, but I think we’re better off with other people. See you around.” If this doesn’t work at all, then call it quits and forget the guy.

Flaky guys do nothing but get your hopes up for nothing. So why not just cut him out and keep your options open for a guy who will follow through?