Home Love & Relationship What Do You Do When a Girl Doesn’t Know What She Wants?

What Do You Do When a Girl Doesn’t Know What She Wants?


A few decades ago, there was actually an entire film titled What Women Want. Comic strips regularly joke about women never knowing what they want. In reality, most women have a fairly clear idea about what they want out of life and what they want out of their partner. They just do not always come out and say it. They may be afraid of your reaction, or they thought that you already knew. If you are already dating someone and don’t know what she wants, then just ask her. If she actually tells you that she does not know what she wants, then you have a different problem. 

If you are out on a date with someone or chatting online and she says that she doesn’t know what she wants, then you have an entirely different problem. Most likely, this came up when you were asking what she wanted out of the date. Is she interested in a relationship? Does she just want a casual fling? All she told you is that she doesn’t know what she wants, so now you are left with the difficult task of figuring out what she actually expects from you.

1. It Doesn’t Feel Right

Sometimes, you know immediately that someone is not the right partner for you. You can’t say why exactly, but your gut is telling you that it is just not right. She might say that she doesn’t know what she wants because she feels like you are not the right person for her. You might be having an amazing time together, but something is making her hesitate.

2. She Doesn’t Want You

Telling someone that you are not interested is difficult. Even if you do it tactfully, they can respond with anger or vitriol. She is especially likely to be wary if she has tried to turn someone down honestly in the past and they reacted badly. She may be afraid to just tell you that she is not interested because she thinks that you will get angry. Don’t take this as a sign that something is wrong with you. She might be looking for a fellow mountain climber or someone who wants a family. For whatever reason, she does not think that you will end up being her soulmate. The good news? If this is the reason why she says that she doesn’t know what she wants, she is probably not going to return your calls and you will figure it out fairly quickly.

3. She Is Not Emotionally Available

Unfortunately, a number of people start dating again before they are really ready for it. They think that they are over their last break up, but then realize right away that they are not actually over it. Once they start to realize this, they say that they don’t know what they want. She is just not emotionally available for any type of serious commitment at this point. You could still date her casually and hope that she is ready in a while, but don’t push for a serious relationship right away.

4. She Doesn’t Want to Hurt You

If she cares for you or thinks well of you, the last thing that she wants to do is hurt you. Telling you that she doesn’t know what she wants may be her way of gently breaking up with you. Unfortunately, this is extremely confusing for you. It might have hurt, but it would have been clearer if she just said that you were not the one for her.

5. She Genuinely Does Not Know What She Wants

Some people seem to be born knowing exactly what they want. From the time they start school, they know that they want to go to law school, start a family at 30 and live in a gigantic house. Other people are less certain. They move through life like a drop of water in the river. They go wherever life takes them and only change things if it is a problem. It is entirely possible that your date just has no clue what she actually wants from a relationship. It isn’t you or the relationship. She just doesn’t know if she wants a commitment. Give her space. If she decides what she wants later on, she will let you know.

6. She Feels Pressured

Other people like to gradually drift into a relationship. They don’t want to instantly have the “girlfriend” label when they start dating because they are not sure if that is the direction that they want. She may feel like she is being pressured to commit, but she really just wants to take things slowly. If this is the case, slow things down and give her time. When she is sure about what she wants from the relationship, she will be ready to commit.


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