Home Love & Relationship What Does It Mean When a Girl Says She Needs Space?

What Does It Mean When a Girl Says She Needs Space?

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While some guys seem to think that needing “space” means that your girlfriend wants to break up, it is not always the case. Sometimes, a girl says that she needs space when she wants to end things and does not want to hurt your feelings. Rather than be honest, she disappears in a nebulous cloud of phrases like “take a break” or “I need space.”

At the same time, there are many cases where your girlfriend genuinely needs space. If your relationship advanced pretty quickly, she may just need a bit of time to process everything and figure out what she wants. If your girlfriend says that she needs space, what she means can vary depending on her, the situation and your relationship.

What Does It Mean When a Girl Says She Needs Space?

When you hear that your girlfriend wants space, you may wonder if she is having an affair or wants to break up. Relax. While needing space is probably not a positive sign, it is not something you should panic about. Your biggest takeaway may be that you should spend more time working on your relationship and spending time with her. Of course, don’t do either of these things yet. If she says she wants space, stay away.

The first thing that you should do if your girlfriend wants space is to listen to her. She says she wants space, so take what she says at face value and give her the space that she needs. Most likely, she was being honest and needs some time and space. Don’t call her. Don’t text her. Don’t bother her. Leave her alone until she reaches out to you again.

Some guys are worried that asking for space is just a way to manipulate them or for the girl to find out if her boyfriend cares enough to fight. Don’t worry about these things. You respect her, so you accept what she says and trust her to be honest. If she is being manipulative or playing games, then she isn’t worth your time anyway. Besides, if what you guys have is real love and worth keeping, she will take the space she needs and then come back.

You Both Need to Grow as People

In many relationships, partners fall too fast and suddenly seem attached at the hip. Having a close relationship is great, but you are still an individual person with unique desires, needs and goals in life. You both need to have time to pursue your dreams, grow as people and have fun. Sometimes, a girlfriend will ask for space because she feels crushed or suffocated by the relationship. It can feel like the relationship is the only thing that matters in life, and she can start to feel frustrated. She has goals and dreams; while she loves being with you, she may just need space to make sure that she can pursue some of her own hobbies and passions. There has to be a balance between your lives, work, school, friends and your relationship. If the balance is off, your girlfriend may find herself needing space to focus on her own life.

What Should You Do Now?

1. Listen to What She Says

Your first step is to listen to what she says. Pay attention to everything that she says because she is trying to relay something important. At the moment, it’s all about her. Don’t take things too personally and do not read too much into anything. Just listen to her and avoid getting defensive.

2. Ask for Clarification

If you searched for this article because you didn’t understand what “space” means, then you probably need to get some clarification. Talk to your girlfriend carefully and openly. You need to find out what she means by “space.” Does she just want time to read a book, start a hobby or take a bubble bath alone? Or does she want to take a break for three weeks and see what happens? You should certainly ask her if this means that she wants to break up. As nerve wracking as it is to ask her this, it is far better than finding out three weeks later when she disappears that she wanted to end things.

If you live together, you need to talk to her about your living situation. Obviously, you both need a place to stay. Does she want you to stop texting, calling or talking to her? Is she willing to to stay somewhere else if she wants to switch up the living arrangements? During this time, what does she expect from you and how will she act? If this is a temporary break and not just “space”, you need to be clear about what you guys can and cannot do with other partners. Many, many guys (and girls) get into trouble because they slept with someone on a break and their partner got upset. You should both clarify this topic together to prevent a future argument—but make sure to emphasize that your goal is not to sleep with someone else, or she may think that you wanted this opportunity.

 

3. Respect Her Wishes

Your next step is to respect what she wants. If she says not to text at all, don’t text her. If you try to reach out to her too much right now, text her constantly or call her all the time, it will end up making you seem clingy or needy. If she already needed space, this type of behavior would only drive her away from you. Don’t “accidentally” run into her at the store or happen to drive by her home. Give her the space she needs for the time that she needs. In the meantime, don’t spend too much time on social media because it will only make it harder for you to avoid messaging her. Hang out with your friends, stay busy and respect her wishes.

4. Keep Grounded

As we mentioned before, sometimes partners just need space to remember who they are, what they want and find themselves. During this time, focus on yourself. Remember who you are, take time to do some soul searching and reconnect with the activities that you love the most. This could be an opportunity for you to grow as a person. If she comes back to you, you will be even better than before. And if this turns out to be the end of your relationship, you will be better prepared to move on, find someone new and enjoy life again.

What If She Has Left You for Good?

Unfortunately, this is still an option. Breaking up with someone completely is a big step to take, and some people are just not confident enough to do it in one fell swoop. While your girlfriend may just want some extra space, it could also be a preparatory time as she gets ready to end things for good. If this is the case, giving her space won’t hurt anything. In the best case scenario, she will rethink a break up after seeing how maturely you respected her wishes and gave her space. In the worst case scenario, she leaves anyway. Whatever the case, your best bet is still to just listen to what she says and hope that it all works out for the best.

110 COMMENTS

  1. She wants her space without calls or texts. She hasn’t given me a time frame. She says she needs ti find herself and so do I. We have been together 7 years what should I do ? I love and miss her terribly. It’s been a week since we have communicated.
    Help.

    • Continue to respect her time frame. Take this time to determine what your want for the future of this relationship. Also, take this time to look inward and determine what changes you could make that you believe may help to nourish your relationship. Reach out to her in three days. Share your thoughts and feelings with her. Give her an opportunity to share herself with you as well. Have a great day, Donald!

      • Comment:hi I’ve been in a relationship with my partner close to a year and in the year I had abused her both physically and sometimes verbally it happend often so lately we had a fight where by we argued and I swore at her for a few weeks every argument would result in her saying I’m tired I need space so recently we argued and she said she can’t do this anymore I left the house went back to my place where she told me she needs space but wants to be in a relationship my partner feels I won’t change my behaviour even though I started sessions with the psycologist she says she isn’t seeing change .
        during this space time her and I have spoken she’s even been to my house but she still admit space is good .
        during space I’ve asked to see her but she agrees on her terms I feel like she wants me to live on her terms.
        and she’s been super angry lately she wants space but cut communication and only recent we started talking but still it’s dragging on what can I do for her to move away from the space factor

        • This relationship has ended. Your abusive actions were unacceptable to your partner. Continue to speak with a mental health professional. Physical and emotional abuse are not acceptable. Allow her actions to influence you in a positive direction. Treat everyone in your life with kindness and compassion. Have a great day, Deco!

      • Ok here’s my dilemma. So I’ve been seeing this girl for close to two months. We hit it off right away. We’re constabtky laughing and always giddy about each other. Towards the beginning of our relationship I went to see her at her work, where this guy who hangs out there everyday and wants her as well. Great night turned into him talking shit to her behind my back about me. She was discouraged after all the stuff he had said that wasn’t true. Everything was fine after that until 3 weeks or so later when I go see her again. He’s up there but decides to sit right next to me at the bar. Drink after drink turns into ten. She gets off work and this guy starts calling me by a different name, seeming as if she was talking to another guy behind my back. I react loses off and weirded out and she thinks I’m in the wrong and should have just blew it off. Am I in the wrong? Now she hasn’t talked to me much after and told me to give her space. I’m confused and help?

        • She has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. You will find benefit in giving her an opportunity to determine her thoughts. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with her about your thoughts and feelings. Give her an opportunity to share herself with you as well. Have a great day, Zattack!

  2. I have a now ex girlfriend/ kids mother, we’ve been together for a on and off 6yrs and have 2 kids together. It was some things I disliked about her that made her a selfish person in my eyes. Some things that I wanted her to change as far as helping out with the bills a little and well just basically I was looking for more of a partner, lover and friend in her and everytime I bring it up, I sound like a broken record to her. But I was just basically trying to state my issues with her because I loved her and not really seeing her as a partner was kinda holding me back when it came to giving the relationship my all because I couldn’t really see myself with someone who wasn’t really trying to be my partner. Well long story short instead of trying to help me resolve my issues she took it as i didn’t want to be with her and she left, got her own place now and says we need to go our separate ways for right now and come to find out she’s talking to another guy ..all tho she’s being more responsible now and this is what I wanted from her the whole time, shes doing it without me..she says she needs a brake from me but still shows signs of something being there with us..I told her the whole time we were arguing when we were together was simply me stating why we aren’t working out at that time, she felt like I didn’t want to be with her but I was just simply trying make her understand that I needed her to be a more responsible person/parent she never understood it and now she says she needs space but talks to someone else. What should I do? I could really use some help because I really do love her..

    • It sounds as though you have rational and acceptable desires for your relationship. It is possible that he is not ready to give you want you need of her. Take this time to determine what you want for your relationship and for your children. Speak directly and honestly with her about your thoughts and feelings. Give her an opportunity to share herself with you as well. Have a great day, Ronald!

  3. So my girl friend and I talked about moving out here to Ohio to gather with her mom and brother . Conversation got serious we both agreed that we could do it so I asked her mom and she agreed I could come and stay with them . But now I’m being told I have to basically leave because she needs her space . Before this they tell me my attitude has changed since we got here which is true because since we have been here she has basically shut down towards me . It always seems like she doesn’t want to be around me never wants to talk never wants to go anywhere with just me and her . And she tells me I need to change my attitude but my attitude is caused by her neglect towards me . She says she is unhappy and uncomfortable.. she said she has given me time to change and I still haven’t change can’t happen for me if she doesn’t change .. how can you ask for space and say I need to find some where to go when I only know you and we just got here not too long ago I’m currently sleeping in another room to hope that eases the situation I have no where to go help plz

    • It sounds as though your relationship has ended. She has chosen to not treat you with respect. Continue to treat her with kindness and compassion. Attempt to reach out to your friends and family. See if there is anyone in your life who would be able to take you in. During that time, you can speak directly and honestly with her about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Jay!

  4. So long story short my finance wants space from me .. we moved out of state with her mom and they are the only people I have out here . She told me she is uncomfortable and unhappy mainly because my attitude change which is true because she completely shut herself of from me I can’t Ben talk to her about anything she pays me no attention at all and she says she has asked me to change but I haven’t how can I change if your not changing because its the way you treat me she makes me feel worthless and all and nun of this was happening before we moved . So you wants some I have no where to go so I’m in another room sleeping and everything but she really wants me out she doesn’t wear her ring or anything.. we have talked in front of her mom I have to admit if we would have had this conversation as soon as we got here things would have still been okay even mom says she uncomfortable because when she comes home there tension in the house you can cut it with a knife and she doesn’t want to put up with it . We all talk and mom says y’all need to figure out what y’all gonna do I say well since we had this conversation then everything is understandable and she says she stays in her decision .. I just feel like she is being very selfish right now I have no place to go help me understand

    • It sounds as though your relationship has ended. She has chosen to not treat you with respect. Continue to treat her with kindness and compassion. Attempt to reach out to your friends and family. See if there is anyone in your life who would be able to take you in. During that time, you can speak directly and honestly with her about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Jay!

  5. Hello I have a friend we been talking for 11 months everything was OK until I let my feelings get the best of me broke her table and she found out I had a house key but I gave it back to her and also I repair her for breaking her table and did other things as well….I was getting ignored for a week and a half straight I sent a text she replied your not giving me space so I didnt text back then few hrs later she asked what did I want to talk about I called we talked for 2hrs on the phone I told her I would change and we can set some rules with us dating but she’s in denial that I won’t Chang…She texted today I told her im going to give her some time to think about my offer she read my message but didn’t reply….is our friendship over or no?

    • She has made her feelings clear to you. You have accepted those feelings and explained that you would respect her feelings. Do not attempt to communicate with her at this time. If she reaches out to you and you want to continue this relationship, then speak directly and honestly with her about your thoughts and feelings at that time. For now, focus on what you want for yourself at this moment and in the future. Have a great day, Brad!

  6. My girlfriend needs space. I got clingy and blew up her phone and text when i didnt know whete she was. Up until lastweek tjings were great. She told me next day she really lovesme but os lost right now snd overwhelmed with life. Says give her until her divorce is finalized and we can try again. How long do i wait for her or to make contact. I really love her and know i messed up when i overwhelmed her. Just a few days earlier she she was telling me how much she appreciated everything i do for her. When the conversation ended and i left she hugged and kissed me and said she loved me. Im so heart broken and want yo wait for her if she meant what she said but afraid she will fall outta love with me.

    • She has shared her feelings with you. She is uncomfortable with establishing a relationship while she is still married. Continue to share your kindness and compassion with her. If she reaches out to you and her divorced is finalized, then nourish this relationship. Take this time to look inward and determine what you want for your future. Have a great day, Tyler!

  7. So this girl and i have been talking on and off for a few months. Until recently we just met and we’ve been going on dates every week for a month. Now, after her and i were getting a little more serious. She noticed that i had liked some photos on social media, big deal right? Wrong. She said that it made her feel like she couldn’t trust me and it reminded her of how her exes were. Even while confirming that there were no dobious intentions she says that she needs time to think about things and that she likes me and to not shut her out. Well it’s been two days and no contact what so ever, just being left on read… what do i need to do?

    • If she has shared her thoughts and feelings with you, then respect those feelings. If she is not willing to develop a relationship with you, then learn from your mistakes and take this time to determine what you want for your future. If she reaches out to you, then speak with her. At this time, look inward and decide what actions you want to take in the future. Have a great day, Chris!

  8. So this girl and i have been talking on and off for a few months. Until recently we just met and we’ve been going on dates every week for a month. Now, after her and i were getting a little more serious. She noticed that i had liked some photos on social media, big deal right? Wrong. She said that it made her feel like she couldn’t trust me and it reminded her of how her exes were. Even while confirming that there were no dobious intentions she says that she needs time to think about things and that she likes me and to not shut her out. Well it’s been two days and no contact what so ever, just being left on read… what do i need to do?

    • If she has shared her thoughts and feelings with you, then respect those feelings. If she is not willing to develop a relationship with you, then learn from your mistakes and take this time to determine what you want for your future. If she reaches out to you, then speak with her. At this time, look inward and decide what actions you want to take in the future. Have a great day, Chris!

  9. I’ve been with my baby mother 13 years living and then she decides to say I need some space at first it hit me hard but I’m not the man I was 3months ago stressing my self I learned to stand alone and now I’m just focusing on what makes me happy we have 2 children I still have the door keys and spend time with them when she works were not having sex anymore I basically sleep in the front room. But there are a lot of signs indicating that she seeing someone. She hasn’t finally close the door yet her face book status still says she still in a relationship she says she still loves me and fancy me but she wants to be on her own for now.

    • She has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. Speak directly and honestly with her about your thoughts and feelings. Make a plan regarding your children at this time. They are the most important part of this relationship, so ensure that they are happy and healthy. Best of luck, Mark!

  10. I met a girl on Facebook. We communicated for 1 and half years online. We always talk on phone almost all the time until last week things change where she knew am almost coming to meet her. We I have seen some changes in the she talked and look at me when we do video call.
    Then I called her and told me she need a space and I was why? What happen or what’s wrong? She explained that she is not with the relationship and she want to be alone and many other excuses. I asked her if there is something wrong with the relationship? She said she just want to be alone from the relationship for a while. No problem with the relationship. I had few aguement but she never talk much. She cut the line and text me she will call me in the morning and she never did.
    I understand she applied no contact with me and I decided to ignored her. Then
    × she used her picture which I always tell her is my favourite and I was TAG on her Facebook wall by exciting love to it. I ignored it.
    × she also then posted her picture which I said is her best and tag many of her friends and got many likes and comments. I ignored.
    + finally I changed my profile picture and she ignored it for 2 days then she likes it with Love sign the 3day. I ignored her.
    I promise my self not to contact her until December 31st when am almost going to the country she stays.
    S
    Please should I contact her before or I should still wait until she contact me?
    Please is still interested in the relationship?
    Can we guess if she still missed me?
    Thank you

    • Avoid using no contact in the future. Take this time to determine what you want with this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with her about your thoughts and feelings. Give her an opportunity to share herself with you as well. If she explains that she is no longer interested in nourishing a romantic relationship with you, then do not attempt to nourish a romantic relationship with her. Have a great day, Hansen!

  11. My girlfriend of 4 months shifted in with me immediately when we got together. Now she wants to shift out saying she needs space. She says she still have feelings for me but it’s decreasing.

    While we are together, I treated her like a princess. I did her laundry and housework and gave her massage when she’s tired. She says I treated her the best out of her ex. However, unknowingly, my expectations of her become higher. I expect lots of attention from her and when I did not get it, I got angry. I realised this after she says she needed space. She’s still staying with me and is currently looking for a place to stay.

    It is a blessing to fall asleep and wake up beside her everyday. I don’t want it to end. She says she will still hang out with me even after she shifts out. She just wants a break from this relationship. Can I change her mind? I did everything I could. Being clingy and needy. I promise her I would change to become the man she wants. It is also for the better as needy and clingy are not attractive. However, she seems adamant in shifting out. Please help

    • Continue to share your kindness and compassion with her. Allow her to take whatever action that she feels comfortable taking. She has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. Take this time to determine what your future. Speak directly and honestly with her about your thoughts and feelings as well. Have a great day, Samuel!

  12. I have been dating a girl for about 2 months now. We have been texting back and forth and see each other about once a week. I have put a lot into our relationship and recently I believe she feels and I feel that I have overwhelmed her with texts. She informed me yesterday that she needed space to find out if she misses me when we don’t talk or see each other. I have never dealt with this before. She and I will be seeing each other in 3 days to talk and attend a scheduled basketball game. I’m not sure what to expect. Help!

    • To add this too. I did respect her wishes and I have not texted or called her since yesterday and we agreed not to talk until Saturday. I really like this girl and don’t want to mess anything up.

      • She has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. The two of you have reached an agreement. Allow the relationship to grow and change as required. When the two of you speak again, be responsive to her needs. You may find benefit in reducing the amount that you message her. Attempt to spend additional time with her in person when the two of you begin speaking again. Have a great day, Phil!

    • She has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. The two of you have reached an agreement. Allow the relationship to grow and change as required. When the two of you speak again, be responsive to her needs. You may find benefit in reducing the amount that you message her. Attempt to spend additional time with her in person when the two of you begin speaking again. Have a great day, Phil!

  13. Gf isn’t sure if she loves me. She says she means it but also says she feels selfish for being in a relationship with me. She says she doesn’t love me on the same scale I do to her. She says she wants to be with me but also gave me the option to leave. Im sure space will help but at this point i feel like I’m playing the waiting.I’m already thinking this isn’t gonna end well for me but I would like to keep going and try to work this out. I feel like this could possibly be a speed bump that once you get over it’s smooth sailing till the next.

    • Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. If you do not think the relationship is viable, then decide if you want to continue this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with her about your thoughts and feelings. Give her an opportunity to share herself with you as well. Have a great day, Enzo!

  14. Ok.so I’ve known this girl since I was twelve. We had sex twice back in the day. We didn’t see each other or talk for twenty six years. She got married had two girls who are now a sophomore and a senior in high school. And got divorced about a year and a half ago. They were married for twenty three years. We reconnected back in October and picked up where we left off. She was honest from the beginning about not wanting to be committed to me. And was going to date other people. Which was hard for me to hear. She told me she wasn’t ready for me to meet her girls yet. Two days later I was invited to her house for dinner and met the girls. About two weeks after that she camero me and said she was commuting to me. We have been spending most of the week nights together and when we both have time to see each other. We had a conversation last night and she said she’s feeling a little smothered. And that I need to stop txting her so much during the day. Because she feels distracted at work and doesn’t want to make me uoset by not txting me back immediately. She asked me if I wanted to take a break and I said no. She doesn’t want to take one. She said she just needs some space to do things with her friends and daughters. Which I understand. I texted her twice today while she was working and talked to her after work. She txts me back and said that her phone hasn’t been going off like crazy and that I really don’t know how much she appreciated that. I told her it was hard for me and she said it will get better. She says she loves me and isn’t going anywhere. She tells me she’s very attracted to me and that the sex we have is amazing. I need her more than she needs me. I don’t have many friends here and am in love with her. I don’t give her a chance to miss me either. It’s just crazy l.. I know her whole family and she knows mine. And have since we were young. We talk about getting married when her kids get out of high school. And she said if she didn’t have kids we would probably be living together and having sex every night. I’ve never been in a relationship like this before. Even though it’s hard as hell to not txt her. I haven’t. It seems like she just doesn’t take my feelings into consideration. Is this all in my head or what? She told me she would call me later and hasn’t called. She’s called or txted me goodnight every night since we started talking and are now together. What does this mean? And how should I take this? She said she just wants everything to be natural.

    • It sounds as though she wants to communicate with you, but she does not want frequent communication. That this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with her about your thoughts and feelings. Attempt to spend additional time with her, as this will help to strengthen you relationship. Have a great day, Bryan!

  15. So me and my girlfriend (ex) were dating for a year then i took a break with her for awhile and then in october we split and we still loved and saw eachother. I then decided i wanted to be with her. She said she loved me a month ago but is acting like she may not want to be with me because she needs to think about the future. We went on a weekend away and over dinner she said that she loved me (idk if it was because of the liquor). She kissed me and everything but when we got back she still said she needed space. In the past few months i havent kept some of my promises and have recently told her that i plan to be 100% committed and to keep my promises. She says that shell be here for me if i need here during this space but she needs to figure herself out and what she wants in life. What do i do?

    • She has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. She is unwilling or unable to establish a relationship with you at this time. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. If she reaches out to you in the future, then determine what you want with this relationship at that time. Have a great day, Trent!

  16. Hello,

    My girlfriend of 6 months sent me a long text Christmas eve stating she needed a break to focus on herself. We had a stress, drama free 6 month relationship. We always joked that about what could possibly break us up because everything was going so good. Three months into the relationship, I brought it to her attention that we needed to slow down a bit. I wanted us to take our time and not be burned out by each other because i cared about her. She said ok and never had a discussion about it afterwards. I started notice a change in the relationship about a month ago. We wasn’t seeing each other as often and the communication felt weird. We went from seeing each other about 3-4 times a week for 5 months to 4 times in the last month. I’ve always stressed how big communication was in the relationship and if theres anything thats on her mind, then just tell me. So i questioned her about her behavior and why havent we seen each other as often. She basically said she needed time to find herself with the help of God and she couldnt be around me because she didnt want to be tempted (in regards to sex), staying the night, sleeping in the same bed, etc…it what was in her heart. She mentioned of the reasons why is because of the comment I made 3 months into the relationship about slowing down. Looking back, i regret making that comment. But she said that really threw her off and in that time she never knew how it felt like being alone and was ok with that. She was so use to giving to the other person that she forgot how to give to herself sometimes. She got out of a real bad 3 year relationship before she met me and what she thought was love wasnt close. I dont remember how soon after the break up she met me but my guess is it wasnt much time because she feels broken. I wouldve imagined something like this would’ve been brought up at the beginning of our relationship. She fell for me so quick that she was going to give up the healing process. She mentioned that she need a prayer partner and that she wants her relationship to have God in it first. I suggested we do that together but she insisted on doing it alone, in regards to building a relationship with God. She said this doesnt mean we wont be together, but we cant be together right now until she starts loving herself first and that if its God’s will, then we will be together. Im not sure what to do in this situation. I really love, care about her and dont want to loose her. Im not sure whether to communicate with her during this time, even if its just small talk just to show her im here for her or just leave her be for a few days to a week and then see whats her state of mind. I did set up to meet her in two days and she agreed. What should i say or do? Thanks in advance!

    • Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. It will be beneficial for you to realize that your relationship is determined by the decisions of your partner and yourself, nothing else. Speak directly and honestly with your partner about your thoughts and feelings. Give her an opportunity to share herself with you as well. Have a great day, Colin!

  17. Hi,

    Would deeply appreciate your insights.

    My Girlfriend and I have been together for close to 2 years. We were very close most of the time but recently we got into a little of a fight which (she says) got her thinking on New Year and our anniversary

    She has recently gotten into a hobby some 3 weeks ago which I let her do as she wish (as I wanted her to be happy and myself to be understanding). I fully support her. There, she met some older people which she claim she found something she wants in life – having life talks. She also consults them (guys) about our relationship and she feels more connected with them as she say they can communicate (firstly in terms of language as her dominant language is mandarin, but she can speak both English and mandarin too; secondly, they can talk about life matters and relationship matter (she do discuss our relationship with them which is very disheartening as she approached them first before us, to talk about OUR relationship)). I could see her messaging them when we are together before this incident and did not read too much into it. Also, she has been talking quite abit with them in which she pointed out that she can feel the connection by communicating in mandarin (I do speak mandarin too but not proficient). I’ve noticed that she will be online on WhatsApp frequently and at times for Long durations while can take awhile to reply to my message – the Long wait can be so hurtful.

    She has also pointed out that we do more communicate as frequent but we still meet up almost everyday and I’ll send her back after dinner or our date. Was it a mistake to not continually reach out even though I knew she was very exhausted from her recently packed schedule in which she had highlighted time and time again?

    Another matter would be that she feel that she is in a different stage in life (different priorities and needs). I am still a student while she has stepped into the working world for not Long.

    She say she needed space and time. She is unable to answer if she still loves me. I could not believe that just 2 days ago, we could just say we love each other without hesitation but now, this unwavering fire as swayed and dimmed. She mentioned that she feels sorry for putting me through this. I love her very much – she means the world to me; I’ve considered marriage and our future. This is very suffocating to find out that her love for me is so fragile. At times during our talk, she called my name instead of the usual “dear”, which feels so distant and hurtful. What should I do? What are your opinions?

    Thank you for the read and your time.

    • Sorry there’s a typo under paragraph 3 first line – “more” is supposed to be “not”.

      Also, is it wrong for me to think that the older guys she met are driving a wedge between us? Just some random thoughts

      • She has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. She is unable or unwilling to establish a relationship with you. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. There is no reason to contact her at this time. If she reaches out to you in the future, then share your kindness and compassion with her. Have a great day, A.K!

    • She has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. She is unable or unwilling to establish a relationship with you. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. There is no reason to contact her at this time. If she reaches out to you in the future, then share your kindness and compassion with her. Have a great day, A.K!

  18. My girlfriend of 2 and half years recently said she needs space and that her head is all over the place. She thinks this is the right thing to do for now. The last few months has been different since I’ve started working in banking and she began her masters. She didn’t give me a time frame at all, and we have hardly spoke even through text in over a month over xmas and New Years. Her family and friends love me and vice versa. Does this sound like a breakup or just actually space apart? How long is best to leave it?

    • Both of you are busy. It is possible that she does not have the time to nourish a relationship with you. Give her the space that she requires. If your relationship naturally ends, then allow this relationship to fade. If she reaches out to you, then speak directly and honestly with her about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Ben!

  19. Hey.
    So here I sit. Alone.

    We’ve been together almost a year. I’m divorced and she’s still sorting out hers. Yes there are kids involved. Yes mine call her mom and hers calls me dad sometimes.

    Few months now we’ve been severely up and down. Mostly my fault as I’ve taken all my drama and anxiety and and and out on her. We’re up for four days, I make an issue out of nothin, we start again. I now it’s emotionally taxing on her. I feel like shit.
    She called the break on Saturday (it’s Tuesday) to give herself some time to refocus and find herself, and see if she has the ability to work on this. she says she’s lost who she was worrying about the kids, her ex, me… she’s forgetter to take care of herself.
    I’ve recently found professional help (counsellor) and a doc to help me with my anxiety and depression…
    Says she needs a few days and I need to give her time. But. She never really gave me a yes or a no if we were going to get back together.
    I’m scared as shit. This woman is my world.

    • It is clear that the two of you had a strong relationship. It would be reasonable for you to wish her a happy birthday, but allow her to respond. If she reaches out to you, then share your kindness and compassion with her. Give her positive updates about your counseling. Have a great day, Craig!

  20. Sorry I forgot to add. Tomorrow is her birthday… so I respect her choice of space and ignore saying happy bday… or do I go out on a limb.

    • It is clear that the two of you had a strong relationship. It would be reasonable for you to wish her a happy birthday, but allow her to respond. If she reaches out to you, then share your kindness and compassion with her. Give her positive updates about your counseling. Have a great day, Craig!

  21. I met a girl a month ago, we hit it off immediately, we hung out that week almost constantly and then the semester ended. It was Christmas break from college and we spent the three weeks texting constantly, as soon as break was over we met up and made our relationship official. She has some issues and things going on in her life and so this week was stressful for her what with classes starting again as well, but she told me the things she was going through weren’t about us… then Saturday she said she wanted to talk and broke up with me saying she feels overwhelmed and really needs to focus on school and be more independent (she broke up with her bf of 4 years in October)… idk what to do, I really like her and already miss her.

    • She has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. She is unable or unwilling to nourish a relationship with you at this time. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere. There is no reason to reach out to her. If she speaks with you, then share your kindness and compassion with her. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. Have a great day, Stephen!

  22. I am in a situation where I have been seeing someone for a little over 4 months. She says she is overwhelmed with things going on in her life and she is confused about what she actually wants in the future. We talked and determined maybe she needs some time. I don’t like the idea and honestly it is killing me not knowing what will happen. I told her I am here for her. She thanked me and said she loves me. My problem is how long am I supposed to wait? I do love here but at the same time I also want to do what’s right for me emotionally. Waiting around hurts and I just wonder what the time frame is or if there even is one.

    • She has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. She is unable or unwilling to nourish a relationship with you at this time. Listen to what she said and focus your attention elsewhere. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. Speak directly and honestly with her about your thoughts and feelings. Have a great day, Edward!

  23. I’ve been with a girl now nearly 1 year and this isn’t just any ordinary girl in an ordinary relationship, this girl has cooked for me, she’s supported me, she’s made me laugh, wrote two love letters to me, cried to me about her love to me, she’s begged for me to have her back in the past, just loads right, and actually listens to me and i did the worst thing which she knows I know I shouldn’t have done. Is pushed her away by saying nasty things when we were splitting up both really angry at each other and I did not mean them at all. A few days later she knows I did not mean them and told me she wasn’t ready yet for me to come up and have a coffee with her then leave.

    Her friend told me she wanted space, I have my things at her flat and when she was really angry she was screaming at me to get my stuff, to give her nan her borrowed gardening equipment back (which obviously is no problem), and about the money I lent her to help her out, like she temporarily wanted to push me aside for the moment? She doesn’t communicate with me well when we argue or bicker because she’s closed off and has unfortunately been beat up by her past boyfriend and sexually abused by him.

    The point is, I know I’m stepping on eggshells, and I know she really loves me, and in the past has worked with me to make things work. Is the best thing for me to lay off and give her complete space now? because I do think that is best but I’m completely worried that anything I do can make it worse whether I don’t talk to her or I do talk to her :-/ this is a girl who could possibly mother my children in the future I love her that much and marry and house with.

    • Give her space at this time. She has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. Respect her wishes. There is no reason to reach out to her. If she reaches out to you, then share your kindness and compassion with her. Have a great day, Ralph!

  24. Forgot to add: she hasn’t asked me to go round and collect my stuff yet since being really angry that one late night, and her mom and my mom really hope it works out, and that her friends do, but I feel like I can do something to better it all? Your advice would be greatly appreciated

    • Give her space at this time. She has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. Respect her wishes. There is no reason to reach out to her. If she reaches out to you, then share your kindness and compassion with her. Have a great day, Ralph!

  25. I’ve been seeing this girl for about 6-7 months and after Christmas she started to act different. before we started hanging out she told me she just got out of a 2 year relationship and has always been in a long term relationships and never been single and wanted time to work on herself. Well I was at her place A few weeks ago and I asked her if I could see her Apple Watch she said yes and told me the passcode I know I shouldn’t have done this but I went to messages and seen that she had been texting this guy she has always had a flirtatious nature about her with words such as Babe sweetheart sweet cheeks etc. and I seen that she was texting this guy and said oh it’s aDate so I confronted her about it she told me the only person she liked was me she didn’t see herself with anyone else it was just a friend of her cousins that helped her and her aunt move before she felt obligated to go out with this guy because he was close to her cousin that she is close to so I already felt iffy about the situation said if she’s goes out with a girlfriend she calls it a date well the next time I went over there she sat her phone down beside me open and I guess just the fear in me made me click on Messages and open it and I only read the Messages that were shown I did not scroll up and down and the guy asked her do you have a date coming up and she said if you’re asking with anyone else I don’t but with you I do and it’s kind of a big deal so she sees me looking at her phone and asked me if I was going through her messages I said I clicked on them then I asked myself what I was doing and I backed off I did not scroll up and see any of the other messages and she was like whatever I told you I am not lying to you but it is aggravating that you say and apologize you wont do something then do it again and then she asked me where I found a TV stand that she wants and I told her the website and said it’s kind of a big deal don’t you remember and she kind of got mad we didn’t really yell or fight but she asked me to please get out and said I was stressing her out and that she needed a break and us arguing was unhealthy but a few days before all this she told me I was the only one that she could see herself with that I have the best personality out of any guy she ever dated and when the time is right she wanted to be with me and that the date was literally with just a friend regardless of how she was texting him and that if he tried anything she would shut him off I tried reaching out about 10 days after she said she wanted a break I apologized and said I’m sorry I went through your phone I realize it’s my fault can we talk if yes cool if not I’ll leave you alone. I have yet to hear anything and then today I reached out just saying good morning I have an interview wish me good luck and asked if I could talk to her and get her opinion about the job and I have yet to hear anything should I just assume that she is done or does she may be actually just need space and I shouldn’t Reach out anymore or is whatever going on with this guy more then she claims it is ? Also if she does just need time did reaching out ruin my chances bc I truly do care and like her

    • She has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. She is unable or unwilling to nourish a relationship with you at this time. There is no reason to reach out to her at this time. If she reaches out to you, then share your kindness and compassion with her. For now, focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Devin!

  26. To make a long story short I’ve been dating this girl for the past 6-7 months. Just a few weeks ago around the beginning of the year she started to act different so when I went over to her house to spend the weekend with her I asked to see her watch I asked her the passcode and seen that she had been texting some dude who lives out of Town but travels here to work maybe once a month who used to work with her cousin and has helped her and her aunt move before keep in mind she is very flirtatious with words and emoji‘s but says she has no meaning behind them I have never caught her in a lie even though I have tried I ended up going through her phone the last time I was over there and start myself about seeing a few messages and asked her about them and she got mad and said she needs time well about 10 days went by I reached out apologizing asking if we could talk if yes call if not OK I’ll leave you alone I did not get a response today I had an interview so I reached out I wanted her to be the first to know because we’ve had talks about this and asked her to wish me luck well when I was leaving I texted her probably when I shouldn’t have and just said hey I value your opinion I want to talk to you about this opportunity for a job that was presented to me I know it is ultimately my decision but I would like your input and I have yet to hear back. Do you think she is Interested in this other guy or maybe she just needs time to think bc she has told me on multiple occasions that I’m the only one she sees herself with and wants to be with but she wants time to work on and better herself bc she has never been single for a period of time.

    • She has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. She is unable or unwilling to nourish a relationship with you at this time. There is no reason to reach out to her at this time. If she reaches out to you, then share your kindness and compassion with her. For now, focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Devin!

      • Do you think she is interested in this other guy or does she maybe just need the time to herself to think about everything? I just don’t feel like giving the cold shoulder is an adult thing to do. If you have moved on why can’t you just say it?

        • Every person chooses to act in a different way based on their experiences and desires. If she is not speaking with you, then allow thoughts of her to fade from your mind. You will find benefit in focusing your emotional attention elsewhere. Have a great day, Devin!

  27. We both live together she just came from Maryland from her mom place but we live in Kansas together after 2days her attitude was different I try to come around ,she don’t want me to kiss her or touch her, so I ask her why u acting different and she said I need my space I try to ask her is there any problem that hurting u she said no she want her space I try to talk to her she don’t want to listen, and we both live together. So what can I do cuz am feel that were she came from she have a man that she in love wit and she don’t want my relationship any more so what can I do na

    • She has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. She is unable or unwilling to nourish a relationship with her. Give her the space that she has requested. If she reaches out to you, then share your kindness and compassion with her. Have a great day, John!

  28. What does this mean “I moved on already. I am not looking to re connect right now. But, want to stay in contact” does that mean she is leaving the door open to connecy again? Because, she kept on telling me she needed more space.

    • This means that she may be interested in maintaining a friendship, but she is not interested in developing a romantic relationship with you. Give her space, as she has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. If she reaches out to you, then share your kindness and compassion with her. Have a great day, Zhi!

  29. Please help, my girlfriend of 3 years has requested a break a week ago, she and i have had many arguments over the course of our relationship, we have had very many good times also though and have a child together so needless to say this is complicated. We got into an argument and it was the final straw, the day she left on the break she wanted to cuddle with me even though we both knew what was going to happen, she has given me hope talking about a future together by saying “we need to do this” and “when we get married” still calling me “babe” but also saying we will not start up another lease once the current leese is up in april, she texted me yesterday morning and i did not respond She then out of the blue that night texts me and demanded i not bring any woman into the bed though i said we may need to see other people “eventually” i made a mistake saying this i honestly didnt mean to. She texts me about bills today and i answer her trying to help i tell her to keep the check, she tells me she wont do that (I thought i was being nice) i had another source of income and didnt need it, i believe she was going to attempt to be nice when she calls me but at this point im utterly confused and i need a break from the break she calls me up to 7 times at this point im mentally drained and want everyone to just leave me alone and i am just completely burnt out myself, she shows up to the house “she came to argue about me not answering” i am able to calm her down and tell her i think shes acting irrational She apologizes. Its obvious she is insecure and me saying the eventually we will see new people has turned her into a mad woman. Also i need to state loyalty has never been an issue in this relationship. She brings up the point to please not lay with another woman in this house i thought i had a good answer when i said “one way to eliminate that would be just for you to come home” her answer was “i dont think you love me” i asked her and it truly sounds like she doesnt think i love her. I need advice i do love this woman, (i just messaged on this thing which i would never do if this wasnt desperate.)

    • It is clear that the two of you are confused and uncertain about the status of your relationship. Take this time to determine what you want for your future. Speak directly and honestly with her about your thoughts and feelings. Give her an opportunity to share herself with you as well. If she does not want to nourish a relationship with you, then focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Ken!

  30. I’ve been seeing a lady for a couple of months,we get on really well,have lots of things in common,valentines day got her some roses delivered to her work,her response was”you should’ve have,but I’m glad you did”a few days later I was round having a brew and her parents turned up,so I met them for the first time!the following day I got a tex saying”can we cool it for a bit,I’m busy with work family and friends! I’m confused so asked her why and she said”you a bit to far ahead of me and apparently I made a few comments about things we could do in the future.she said let’s have a break for two weeks,what do I do?

    • She has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. Accept her needs and share your kindness and compassion with her. Give her space. When she reaches out to you, share your thoughts and feelings with her. Give him an opportunity to share herself with you as well. If you initiate conversation too often, then she may believe that you are not respecting her wishes. Have a great day, Paul!

      • Thanks,I’ve not contacted her since,although it’s been hard not to!!How long do I give it?Or should I just wait for her to make the first move?

        • Determine what you want for your future. Decide what is appropriate. Take action that you believe will lead to what you want. If you do not feel comfortable doing that, then wait for her to reach out to you. Have a great day, Paul!

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