We’ve all had experiences with guys trying to explain their behavior to us. Sometimes, the behavior itself is forgivable, and sometimes it isn’t. Rather than accept that they’ve done something that breaks a particularly social convention or has hurt your feelings, some guys will go to any and all lengths to justify and explain away their behavior. So what does it really mean?
Does he truly believe he’s not in the wrong, or that his behavior was justified? Understanding guys can be a difficult task, especially since many of them haven’t been socialized in the same way many women have to be open and honest about their feelings. To pick apart what it means when a guy starts offering you justifications and explanations, you’ll want to examine what type of explanation he’s giving you in the first place.
1. He likes you, and he’s concerned about your opinion of him
A guy who is genuinely interested in you, and wants you to think well of him, will try to explain his behavior so that you understand where he’s coming from. He’ll give you a detailed explanation of his thought process as well as his feelings. He’ll even apologize if what he’s done calls for it. These are the types of guys you want to cut a bit of slack. His explanation will give you a little more insight into what he’s thinking, which will allow you to better plan for the same types of mistakes in the future.
2. He wants to justify his behavior
Sometimes, guys do something that will upset you and they won’t think it was a big deal. If he’s explaining himself to you, it could be a justification for what he’s done or said. He may not feel particularly concerned with your opinion of him, but rather that he’s not made to feel poorly for his behavior. This explanation is usually bereft of apology, and could include snide condescension. Don’t let yourself feel like you’re being silly, especially if something that he’s done was seriously hurtful.
3. He could be using you
And that sucks. Guys who take the time to explain themselves to you rather than own up to anything they may have done to cause hurt feelings, or distrust, might be doing so just to get back on your good side, because he can get something from you that he can’t, or won’t, get elsewhere.
Pay special attention to the explanations every time he gives them, and the frequency for those explanations versus how often he sincerely apologizes to you. If you find yourself listening to your twelfth consecutive excuse without an apology in sight, you might want to look at what he’s getting from you and whether or not you want to keep giving it. If it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, you’ll know.
4. He’s not interested in you
If a guy is blowing you off or hurting your feelings while giving a rather half-assed explanation rather than listening to what you have to say, then honey, he’s just not that into you. That’s fine, because you’ll inevitably find someone who is.
It’s not worth it to waste both your time and your emotional energy on a guy who isn’t going to reciprocate your feelings, or doesn’t seem interested in validating how he’s making you feel, whether good or bad.
A guy who isn’t interested in you will make a vague explanation that lacks detail, because he’s just not that invested in how you view him or what you think of him. The best way to get an answer is good old fashion communication. Then, you can move on to greener pastures, my friend.
In the end, a guy can mean a myriad of things when he explains himself to you. You’ll want to keep an eye out for the frequency of the explanations, as well as whether or not he seems sincere and apologies for his behavior. You’ll also want to watch out for how often he repeats the behavior that caused the explanation in the first place.
Guys can absolutely mean well when they jump on the defensive, because they may be genuinely concerned with how you perceive them, and want to make sure that you know that they don’t mean any harm. Some guys, on the other hand, are absolute dogs, and will continue feeding you the same line of justification as long as you let them.
Of course, the best way to get to the bottom of what’s on a guy’s mind is one on one communication. There’s nothing better than hammering out what a guy means and wants out of a relationship, whether it’s romantic or platonic. You’ll ultimately feel better when you take the guess work out of everything and get a solid answer.