Home Love & Relationship What Does It Mean When A Guy Just Wants To Cuddle?

What Does It Mean When A Guy Just Wants To Cuddle?

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When you’re dating a guy and he says he just wants to cuddle, all of your warning signs go up, and for good reason. We have all learned the hard way that no guy just wants to snuggle up with you; there is always an ulterior motive. The real question comes from figuring out why he is saying that he just wants to snuggle or worse, if he means it and why.

In order to figure out what their deal is, I’ve asked a few guys why they might elect to just cuddle with a girl as opposed to sleeping with her. Their answers were pretty interesting and spanned a large number of possibilities. To help you better understand what exactly it is he’s getting at, check out their answers.

1. He is a player and is setting himself up

He will just snuggle the first time you’re over, but the second he will make his move and claim it’s never happened like that before. You will know because he will suddenly stop texting you afterwards and disappear faster than Jehovah’s Witness at a Pagan’s house.

2. He is gay and hasn’t told you or hasn’t admitted it to himself yet

If you have been together several times and he has yet to make any moves, then he may be struggling with his sexuality.

3. He is the one decent guy in that half of the country

Seriously, there’s only one. Every guy wants sex all of the time so, if the guy you are seeing is okay with waiting and you know that he’s not seeing anyone else, then you’d better lock him down. That, or get him tested for STD’s.

4. He has strong feelings for you and doesn’t want to mess it up so he is taking it slow

This guy is normally struggling to not take it farther as pulling himself away at the last minute. He may ask if you are ready fifty times before he makes his move, but he’s still trying to make a move.

5. He is unsure if she wants it or not because he is shy, socially awkward, and inexperienced

He may have told you he’s inexperienced, or he may just be making very awkward trying to figure out where to put his hands. Either way, you should be able to tell that he doesn’t have a clue and is kind of hoping you’ll take the lead.

6. He is gaining bragging rights with all of his friends

If you know the same circle of people, then he may just be spending his time with you long enough to tell people he was at your place for a few hours. If everyone you see the next day is giving you knowing looks, then that guy is a jerk and you need to not waste your time with him anymore.

7. He enjoys the chase and wants the upper hand

Meaning, you going to him for it instead of him asking. This guy enjoying hunting for his next victim and will disappear right after you have become the new notch in his belt. Don’t beat yourself up too bad, everyone has been there at least once.

8. He enjoys having his pelvis against your butt and getting himself off that way

No matter who you are, rubbing your pelvis against something hard feels good. It is just the way we are made. Have no doubt though, this guy is still all about the endgame, he is just pleasing himself in the meantime.

9. He is getting what he wants elsewhere and you are just one of a few

It doesn’t matter what he has to say about this, if he is satisfied and it is not from you, it’s from somewhere else. Yes, he will swear up and down that you are the only one just like any other guy, but you aren’t. It’s like they were trained from the age of two to lie about this because they are damned good at it.

10. He asked if you wanted to “cuddle” but he meant, “let’s have sex but start out cuddling.”

For some reason, it’s always a surprise to us when their hands start wandering and we have to get that creeped out feeling. If you just know what he means going in, then you can shoot him down before he ever starts. Unless you’re wanting more.

Now you’ll have a better idea of his motives and reasons behind his actions the next time you find yourself with a guy saying he just wants to cuddle. At least you won’t be blindsided by his moves when he starts making them. Because, unless he hit a couple of those bullet points, he will make them. Just remember that you can always say no. It’s never too late to back out even if you’re already having sex.

24 COMMENTS

  1. It happened just like in the movies my best friend and I kissed and we slept n the back seat of his car he held me n his lap. The next day he came and got me and told me how he wasn’t going to do relationships until we kissed and I was trying to play it off so I asked him who was he in a relationship with and he turnt and looked at me and we like so know you don’t know. And every since that night I just can’t get him off my mind I don’t know if it’s real or is it fake. I went to his job today to take him his wallet and he wanted me to stay there until he finished his shift at work I really like him a lot but I don’t want to end up hurt again. I texted him and told him how I feel. But I don’t want to mess things up by opening up to him 😁🤗 How do I know if I’m moving to fast?

    • You have shared your thoughts and feelings with him. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you. If he is unable or unwilling to nourish a relationship with you, then allow thoughts of him to fade from your mind. Do not reach out to him at this time. If he reaches out to you, then share your kindness and compassion with him. Have a great day, Shawnda!

  2. Yup. In the same position here. He wants to cuddle and when it gets close to sex, he bounces!

    We used to sleep together a couple of years back when he broke it off. He recently contacted me again and have treated me nicely. But no sex. He hasnt had any women except for one it didnt work out with, nothing serious, after me.

    So whats the deal?

    • He may be interested in developing an emotional relationship with you. It is possible that he has concerns about having a sexual encounter. Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak directly and honestly with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Lucile!

      • Turns out he was in a longterm relationship that lasted 2 years and he contacted me a month after it ended. She moved out of town and theyre still friends. One time when we had been a little bit intimate, he almost cried and was in a bad state saying he didnt wanna hurt her, me or himself. I said: -Yeah plus theres hope of the two of u getting back together. He didnt reply but has told me several times he thought about ending it 6 months before they mutually did. So that night we decided on a friendship and thats all. I got really sad but dud t show him anything and my sexdrive and what small feelings I had developed for him died.

        Two weeks after she moved he went for sex with me but I shot him down. So so much for meaning just friends.

        I also met him after he’d helped her move (he said a friend but ut came out it was her) and he was all smiles and beemed happyness and talked about moving to the same city so I took that as he was still in love with her and that Im second runner up and Im not ANYBODYS second choice, I have plenty of other options and a thing called pride.

        However it hasnt seemed to have worked out with any of it and months before this happened he sugned up for an apartment across the street from me he’s now moved into. So since a couple of days we’re now neighbours.

        Now WTH is going [email protected] :'(

        • His attempt to nourish a relationship with his ex partner may not have been successful. He made the decision to move next to you. He likely feels an emotional connection with her. He is still interested in maintaining a relationship with his ex. Give him an opportunity to get over his partner. If he reaches out to you in the future, then share your thoughts and feelings with him. Have a great day, Lucile!

  3. So this guy said I am fine as hell and he said he wants to cuddle. I don’t know what to do. He is cute and I think I am developing feelings…..what do I do

    • He is interested in developing a physical relationships with you. He may be interested in nourishing an emotional relationship with you. You want to develop a relationship with him, so speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself as well. Have a great day, Jennifer!

  4. So this guy from work and I have said hi and seen everyday for 10 months and one day he asks me do I want to hang out? I said yea we had so food, movies and drinks and went back to his place. We had sex but he cuddles me. I was shocked because I’ve never done that. A month goes by nd we did the food and movie thing and it happened again. At work he gives me hugs and we have convos nd when I got into my apartment we did again. I feel like emotionally he trying to say something and Idk what and he ALWAYS want to cuddle 😊 what do you think? Ohh I’m 9 years younger than him too btw.

    • He feels a strong emotional connection with you and the two of you enjoy each other’s company. Do not allow the difference in your ages prevent you from nourishing this relationship. Continue to spend time with him. Share your thoughts and feelings with him. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Charisma!

  5. So, i dated (well had sex) with a guy twice and we didn’t have any bad vibes towards one another. He was due to travel for the weekend and completely disappeared. He lost all contact with me and of course I didn’t chase him. I eventually told him that it was foul and that if he knew that type of person that I was he wouldn’t have disappeared because I’m chill and would’ve definitely been ok if he only wanted to take it slow. He responded but I didnt get the message until weeks later (my phone was broken). The weekend that I opened the message he coincidentally sends me a message saying that he was thinking about me all weekend and that he didn’t know why. I simply responded with ‘interesting’. I did notice that he was dating someone on his social media page but i didn’t bother bringing it up or letting him know that I knew. I also noticed that they were no longer friends on social media. So I felt I like he disappeared to date her and now wants to get with me. He’s tried meeting me to give me my $3 storage containers back that I’d given him over time to feed him lunch lol! I rejected him the first day by telling him to leave them on the porch because i wasn’t home which he didn’t and I was home. Lol! Last night he texts me and ask what I was up to. I told him that i was ok and asked him how he was. He said that he was ok and that he missed me and that he wants to cuddle up with me. I told him that I was away (I wasn’t). I don’t want to feel like a fool.

    • You have made a decision regarding this relationship. You may feel as though he is not a reliable partner. Determine what you want for your future. If he is in a relationship, then decide what you believe is appropriate. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Ensure that you are always honest. Have a great day, Reese!

  6. Been talking and messaging a man. He’s my land lady’s since teen years friend. They grew up together. I work, I’m a volunteer Fire fighter/ rescue person. I enjoy the activities. He’s a former MP. He says he wants to / likes to cuddle. Then asks me if I like skinny dipping and if I drink alcohol. I state I don’t do either. When we talk again. He brings the subjects up again. Then states in a snide tone ” you are miss independent ” he states I need to take time out .I say im.learning.im fine. We went target practicing in his back yard. He kept attempting to watch me from behind. I backed up.told him it was his turn to shoot. I didn’t stay long. He was disappointed that I didnt.asked me when I’d have a day off. Oh he likes to listen to the rain onna tin roof.i said I’m ok with that. He said it’s relaxing. Not to me.i said. This dialogue can go on. I stopped it tonight. He gives me the creeps.

    • He is interested in developing a relationship with you. It sounds as though you have developed a social relationship with you. He likely wants to maintain a physical relationship. You have stated that he gives you the creeps, so you may want to rethink this relationship. Determine what you want for your future. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. If you feel unsafe in this relationship, then abstain from nourishing this relationship. Have a great day, Gigi!

  7. My boyfriend of over 7 years passed away 2 months ago. I have been finally starting to come out of the shock and the grief is beginning to become barrable, sometimes.1 of our mutual friends, who is a guy, he lives 30 minutes away, asked me to come stay the weekend and relax and hang out. So I did. We laughed and talked and watched movies and I had a really great time. He asked if I wanted to sleep in his room. He kinda joked that he was seducing me and a little flirting, but when it came down to it we cuddled till we fell asleep. The next morning I woke up to breakfast he had cooked and he really put effort in making me feel comfortable. So he asked me to stay 1 more day. That ended up to cuddling too. He said he feels like it’s too early after my bf passed and he wants to respect my deceased boyfriend and me by not complicating my grief. Idk what to think. Thoughts?

    • Your partner has passed, and it is normal for you to be interested in nourishing a relationship with a new partner. This is perfectly acceptable. If you feel that you are ready to maintain this relationship, then speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. It is certain that your late partner would want you to be happy. Have a great day, Amanda!

  8. I started dating this guy, where we hooked up on the first night and then again a couple of times after that. Me thinking that we would just be hooking up and having a “friends with benefits” type of situationship, I obviously started to gain feelings for him. After awhile though, he would invite me over to smoke weed and then we would just cuddle to go to sleep. Whenever i’d make the first move to have sex he would move my hand away and whenever i confronted him about it, he would just disregard the whole question (he does this a lot). I just find it odd if we started the relationship with having sex and hanging out but now we just hang out and cuddle.. Which is fine.. just interesting.. Any thoughts?

    • It sounds as though the two of you are nourishing a romantic relationship. Each of you may want different things for the future. Determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings. Give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Nourish this relationship by spending additional time with him in person. Have a great day, Carrie!

  9. My ex-husband and I started a “friendship” and recently went to Spain together where we shared a bed (I booked the trip for myself, he joined in on the trip after the booking). He makes comments as if he is not interested in being romantic but initiated cuddling and always compliments me. We even did some mushrooms and cuddled the entire time and he talked about how attractive i am and how I was the best partner etc… since we’ve been back from Europe (2 weeks) he’s spent the night about 5 times. We cuddled 4 of the 5 times. We have been very intimate in ever way except sexually. We have given each other cute short kisses a few times. I’m developing feelings again. We were together for 14 years married for 2. He says he liked being married… I am the one who filed for divorce even though I still loved him because he was dishonest with me and did not contribute to our goals and I felt like his mother after a while and it turned me off. Anyway, he has said he doesn’t have romantic feelings for me anymore but describes all the things he wants in a relationship and woman and it’s like he’s describing what we have and me. I don’t know what to make of any of this, I’m really caught up with our interactions at this point and have feelings for him again. Now he’s demonstrated he has changed the issues I once had with him. He now has a child and is more responsible and I like that. That’s all I ever wanted from him everything else was fine.

    I’m super confused about how he really feels. He often says things then contradicts himself with his actions and sometimes even in words. I feel like he may be worried about rejection or still hung up on the idea that I divorced him when he didn’t want the marriage to end…

    I don’t know how to go about this anymore. I still love him and it sucks because I don’t want to be rejected either and then have to stop seeing him. I missed him when we were apart for 8 years. I saw him passing my house (stalking) back in February this year and reached out to him to see if he was ok. He has moments where he is more open with me but I dont know if he means what he says in terms of feelings.

    • It is clear that he still has feelings for you. It sounds like he may want to maintain a relationship with you, but he doesn’t want to call it a relationship. This means that he is confused or uncertain about his feelings. It seems like you need to make a decision about what you want for the future of this relationship. Speak with him about your thoughts and feelings, and give him an opportunity to share himself with you as well. Have a great day, Rita!

  10. I’m a guy and I love to cuddling. I get very lonely and sad and wish I had a girlfriend so I often will cuddle and cry into my pillow since I don’t have a girlfriend. I’ve tried a number of times, but I’ve always been rejected. I’m not really seen in that way. I’m just a nice shy friend to them. What category would I go under?

    • You are someone who is interested in nourishing a strong emotional relationship. Make a decision about what you want for your future. You may want to attempt to spend time with your girl friends in person, as this will strengthen your relationship.

  11. I have been interested in this man for years he has looked at me for years. His career is one that he can have anyone he chooses. Anyways. He calls me outta the blue for a date. That was great. Fun. I went home. Next. Texting like for three or five days solid. Such a buildup. It was 24/7. Then face to face another date. We had great fun. Held hands. Walked dined and drank happily. He stayed. We didn’t go all that way, but close. And tons of cuddling. I was high. Anyways. More texting more visits more cuddles. No overnights. I’m feeling like I was too easy. I have had feelings for him for years. I didn’t and don’t want to look like an easy. I’m not. It’s been 5 years since my last man. I’m stumped and beating myself up a bit. Did ok just ruin things? When we text it’s hot and familiar. When he shows up at my house he is standoffish. I’m stumped. I’m polite he’s polite. This is hurting me now.

    • There’s a good chance that he is standoffish because he is shy. When you text someone, you have time to think about what you want to say and it isn’t as scary. Most likely, he is just nervous around you. I’d give this relationship a bit longer before you give up because it sounds like you have done everything right.

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