Passionate love is one of the most powerful emotions that we can experience. It has the capacity to drive us into experiences that we would have never taken otherwise. It makes our heart beat and our mind to fog. Passionate love may be addicting to the point of intoxication. It may also leave us dizzy and disoriented. The potential for a fiery explosion may occur or it may last until the last ember dies out. It is helpful to intellectually understand what passionate love is and how to manage this most uncontrollable of emotions.
What is Passionate Love?
1. High Energy
Passionate love causes your heart to beat quickly and invigorates your body with blood. You will find that you have increased amounts of energy and feel as though you can do anything. You may find that you are experiencing the world as though everything is moving slowly around you. You may also feel as though you are acting without thinking.
2. Focused Attention
You will find that your attention is focused on the person that you are having these feelings for. Other people and other responsibilities may fade from your mind. You may realize that you are not speaking with people that you should be speaking with. Errands may fade away. All of your thoughts and emotions become tied up in the object of your desire.
Emotions will become more powerful for you. The feelings of desire and love will course through your body. If you are rejected, feelings of despair or anger may well up inside of you. It is important to keep these powerful emotions in check. Otherwise, situations that you normally remain unattached and unconcerned about may cause you to react in an unacceptable manner.
You may feel as though you are more closely linked to the person that you feel passionate love for. You may believe that you are feeling their emotions. Small changes in their facial movements and voice may trigger a series of thoughts and insights that you would have never experienced before. Empathy may drive you to better understand this person, but it may also cause you to read too deeply into their words and actions.
Passionate love may cause you to become careless about things that are important. You may find that you are breaking speeding laws simply to be in contact with the person that you want to see. Other people may feel offended that you are spending less time with them. Relationships may be damaged as you continually attempt to become closer to the person of your thoughts.
This expansion of emotional energy will cause your heart to be more exposed. You may feel as though you take things personally when they were not meant for you. As you are living in an emotional bath of hormones and chemicals, you will find that things trigger a wide variety of emotions. Daily activities may cause you to reach the highest highs and the lowest lows.
7. Irrational Thinking
Your logical thoughts will be replaced by emotional thoughts. You will find that you are less rational and act more on feeling. It is possible that the person that you are interested in is someone that you can not develop a long term relationship, yet you are expending great energy in your thoughts and action for them. You may find that you are doing things that you know are illogical and irrational.
8. Character Changes
You may find that you are acting as though you are a new person. The normal processes of your mind have been abandoned, and your actions are based on chemicals and hormones rather than logical sequences. This may cause you to make decisions that actually cause you harm. You may also find that your friends tell you that you have changed or that you are being weird.
9. Moving Fast
People may jump into serious relationships without thinking. Marriages after only a few months of dating often end in divorce after the initial feelings of passion die off. Children are also born from these situations and have to deal with the consequences. You may find that you are having intercourse without protection because of the intense feelings of trust and love that you share with your partner.
Controlling Passionate Love
The first step is to realize that you are experiencing passionate love. This can come when you notice that your bank account is being drained. You may also realize that your friends are telling you that you have changed. Bad decisions at work or school may also come into play. Discussions about marriage may be happening after only a few weeks or you may even be talking about children. When you realize that you are thinking illogically, be sure to try to snap back into logical thinking. This will give you a chance to take appropriate action.
Distance yourself slightly. You do not need to end the relationship or slam on the breaks, just realize that you are moving more quickly than normal. Spending one less day with this person will give your mind the chance to relax and prioritize what is important in your life. Spend a day with your family or other friends to try to gain perspective. They may see something flawed in your relationship that you are looking past or ignoring.
Speak with your partner about the speed that your relationship is moving. You may want to continue to have an intense relationship and do not want to slow down. This is an acceptable choice for you to make. However, it would be beneficial for you to have a discussion with your partner about the goals and future of your relationship. This may help your partner gain perspective as well.
At the end of your conversation, make a rational decision with your partner about your relationship. If the two of you decide to continue without pause, then do so with pleasure. What is important is that the two of you realized what was happening. If you decide to slow down and take more deliberate actions in your life, then you are making a great decision. You may even find that your relationship will become stronger and more emotionally close if you decide to be logical about your situation.
Reigniting Passionate Love
If you find that the passion is draining from your relationship, then take time to focus on your partner. Relearn their traits, ideas, interests and goals. Spend additional time with them and refocus your attention. Try something that your partner wants to do. Have a serious discussion about your desires and learn about their needs. Maintain eye contact and kiss your partner deeply.
After years of partnership, you may realize that you have changed. If you notice that you seem to be bored, then realize that you may be boring to your partner. Reinvigorate your actions and try new things. Take up a new hobby or explore interests of years before. If you have no ideas, then go out and explore nature with your partner. Walk though an old forest or kayak on a pristine lake. Play in the snow or sit next to a creek. Explore and grow with your partner and watch your passion increase.