Love is painful. It’s even worse when it feels one sided, as you focus all your energies on her while it seems like she is ignoring you. To be completely honest with you, it’s a bad sign if she’s ignoring you. Still, that doesn’t mean that things are hopeless.
To begin with, you need to think about where you are in your relationship. Being ignored means different things in various types of relationships. The steps a man should take if they are being ignored by a girl they’ve never even talked to are different from the steps a man should take if they’re being ignored by their wife.
So answer this one question and go ahead and jump to the section of the article that relates to you. What is she to you?
If she doesn’t know your name
If a girl doesn’t even know your name, it’s hard to really say that she’s ignoring you. Still, I know that it can feel this way. Remember that everyone has plenty of people in their lives, and in most cases, people are focused on themselves. If you haven’t put yourself out there and at least gotten to know her, then you can’t expect her to pay attention to you.
So, the step you need to take here is simple. If you think she’s ignoring you even though she doesn’t know who you are, then it’s time to make your presence felt. Go talk to her. You don’t have to ask her out or anything, just make sure she knows about you. If she still treats you like you don’t exist after a friendly introduction, then it’s probably time to move on.
If you’ve just asked her out
OK, so you’ve just asked a girl out, and suddenly it feels like she’s started ignoring you. For this section, we’re going to include any relationship that’s very young. Maybe you’re waiting for your second date; maybe you haven’t had one date yet, or it could be that you’re still waiting for your first date.
The bad news is that this is one of the worst places to be. If she is seriously going out of her way to avoid or ignore you, then she just isn’t into you. I know that thought’s probably painful, but that’s the way it is. Girls don’t ignore guys they want to go out with.
Still, there might be hope. For example, it might be that she isn’t really ignoring you. Maybe she’s just busy, and you’ve mistaken her honest inability to meet up with you as something worse than it is. What you need to do is take some initiative and reach out to her. If possible, you should try and meet her in person and see how she reacts. If she smiles when she sees you and apologizes for not being available, then you’ve still got a chance.
Pay attention to body language and tone. With women, you have to try and take in the whole picture, if you pay too much attention to the literal meaning of her words you can miss out. The main question you need to ask is, does it seem like you make her happy? If it seems like you do, then you should push forward, but if you sense any hesitation, then it’s best to back off.
If you’re in a committed relationship
This section is for men who are being ignored by girls they have been dating for months or even years. When you’ve been dating this long fights can get more intense, but they are also less likely to completely end the relationship. If a woman is invested in you, then she won’t throw you away easily, so if you’re willing to do what it takes there’s a good chance things can be fixed.
The first thing you need to figure out is why she’s ignoring you. Here’s a clue, it’s probably something you did. It’s easy to think of women as balls of emotion that swing from one extreme to the other without reason, but that’s a destructive stereotype that won’t help you at all. Women always have their reasons, you might not see things from their view, but it doesn’t mean that their point of view is illegitimate. If you can’t bring yourself to take your girlfriend seriously then maybe you’d be better off single.
Once you know what’s wrong, you can try and fix things. The best thing to do is combine action and words. Let her know you are sorry for whatever happened while making a romantic gesture that shows you’re serious about fixing things.
Also, if you can’t figure out why she’s ignoring you, then you need to talk to her. She might get mad because you couldn’t read her signals, but it’s still better than letting things continue to get worse. Remember to go to her hat in hand, don’t put up a fight when you first hear her issues. You don’t have to say she’s right, but you shouldn’t push back until you’ve had some time to think about what she’s said. Remember, her feelings will still exist even if you can throw airtight arguments at her.
If you’re married
Some will say that there’s no difference between a truly serious relationship and a marriage, but this isn’t exactly true. Marriage is both emotional and legal, and it’s a lot easier to get a divorce then it is to pack up and leave a boyfriend. This means that wives will hang onto husbands long after they would have left if they weren’t married.
If you said marriage vows, then it’s worth trying to fix things. Follow the steps in the previous section on committed relationships, but also consider the option of seeking out marriage counseling. Sometimes issues can grow beyond our grasp. It’s hard to stay together for years; it takes work. Don’t feel like you need to do it all on your own, if you think there’s even a chance that a counselor might help then you owe it to yourself to invest in one.
Finally, try not to go to bed without telling her you love her. It can be tempting to fight fire with fire and ignore her but don’t. Let her know that you love her, even if things aren’t the best at the moment.
Slow your roll
As you can see there are a lot of ways to approach this issue. But I’d be willing to wager that most men reading this should focus on simply calming down. Silence can be deafening when it comes from your crush, but sometimes girls are like that.
You can’t expect her to be waiting for you at all hours of the day. If you give her some space and learn to relax you’ll be a lot better off in the long run. You don’t want to smother her, that will just drive her further away.