You’re just about ready to head out the door when your phone beeps. It’s the guy you’re supposed to be meeting and he says he can’t make it to your date. Annoying as it may seem, it’s still no excuse to throw a tantrum. Instead, handle it like a lady and follow these steps.
1. Acknowledge his message. He took the time to tell you that he can’t make it to your date, so the least you could do is to acknowledge it. If he thinks you weren’t able to receive his message, he might think you’re still headed to your date venue. This can cause him a ton of anxiety, especially if he can’t call you up to make sure you got his message.
However, when you acknowledge his message, don’t betray your frustration just yet. Give him a bit of time to explain why he’s cancelling. Who knows, he might have a perfectly valid reason to cancel, so give him the benefit of the doubt until he offers up a reason for why he cancelled.
2. Ask for an explanation, but don’t press the issue. If he doesn’t offer an explanation, take a step back and wonder why he wouldn’t give you an explanation. If he cancels, he should have a reason, and that (sometimes before an apology) would be what he would tell you. If you’ve already acknowledged his apology and he still doesn’t give you a reason, then it would be pretty logical to conclude that he doesn’t have a good reason to offer you. He most likely just wanted to cancel because he can, and that’s not something you want in a person you’re dating.
On the other hand, when he does give you a good reason, express your empathy. It could be about work or a family emergency or just a stroke of bad luck that kept him from going on your date. In cases like this, it’s safe to say that he deserves a second chance.
3. Try to gauge his words and see if he’s cancelling because he’s not interested. Analyze the reason hi gives to be the best of your abilities and see if he’s just making it up. For instance, if he says his boss asked him to work overtime all of a sudden, and he’s known to do that, then maybe he is telling the truth.
On the other hand, if he says he’s cancelling because a tree fell on his car and he has intense diarrhea and then his dog suddenly got sick, then that’s reason enough to believe that he’s just making stuff up to get out of going on a date with you.
4. Think hard on whether or not he deserves a second chance. Given what you know about him, is it still a good idea to give him another chance. If he has always been the perfect gentleman and has never cancelled a date, and then all of a sudden an issue pops up, then maybe you should give him another chance. However, if he keeps on cancelling or he always seems uninterested in you when you’re on your date, then it’s time to realize that he’s not going to be changing his behavior anytime soon.
5. Wait for him to suggest a make-up date. Say you give him the benefit of the doubt. The next thing he should do (at least when he’s done sorting out whatever made him cancel) is to offer a make-up date. Wait for him to offer to meet up on the weekend when he won’t be held back by his boss. Or maybe wait for him to suggest meeting up at a later time when he can get out of his current situation. Because he’s the one who cancelled, he should be the one clamoring to ensure that you will finally go on that date.
6. Suggest meeting up another time. If he hasn’t made a suggestion (a pretty fishy thing to do if he claims he wants to see you), and yet you do want to see him, you can make the suggestion to go on another date. Suggest a place and time that’s convenient for both of you so that there’s at least some certainty that he’ll be able to show up.
As you’re suggesting the venue for your make-up date, try to see his reactions. If he accepts your suggestions and agrees to it all, then perhaps he is interested in you. The reason he wasn’t able to suggest a new date himself may have been because he was so caught up in whatever situation he’s in. On the other hand, if he seems to brush off your suggestions, it’s a pretty sure sign he doesn’t want to see you.
7. If he’s not interested, leave it at that. If you can already tell that he has no interest in setting up a different date, then it’s pretty clear that he doesn’t want to go on a date with you. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s better to save your time and just accept it and move on.
8. Find something else to do with your time. If you’re an introvert, then this might be the perfect reason to hole up at home and enjoy your alone time! However, if you’re already pumped up to go out, go for it! Invite some friends or check out that new pub alone. Who knows, a cancelled date might open up new opportunities for you.
9. Play a little hard to get. Just because you already agreed to go on a make-up date with him, doesn’t mean he’s off the hook. Play a little hard to get to make him feel that he has to work just a touch harder to get back into your good graces. If he’s a right gentleman, he’ll definitely want to make it up to you!
Whether you’re still interested in seeing him or not, make sure you’re as civil as possible when you speak to him. It’s always better to take the moral high ground!