When a guy starts to pull away from a relationship, it can feel like it’s your fault – sometimes, it really isn’t! Unless the two of you have had an out and out argument that he pulls away from, you may not even be the root cause. Men can get distant for a lot of reasons, especially at the beginning of a relationship. He may be considering his future with you, and trying to work out where he sees the two of you going in life.
Or, he could be having a lot of stress from work, family, or other daily life stressors that he doesn’t feel comfortable sharing with you yet. When men pull away, it can feel like it’s all our faults. This can make it difficult to figure out what to do when he comes back. He may be pulling away because he isn’t invested in the relationship, and coming back can mean he need something from you. So what should you do when he comes back after time away being distant?
1. Assess the situation
You want to calmly figure out why he was distant and what coming back means. If he really wants to invest the time and energy into your relationship, then he’ll be willing to have an open and honest talk about what he’s been going through and what he wants out of your relationship. On the other hand, a guy who only wants something from you may be less willing to talk about what happened, hoping that your happiness at his return will override whatever suspicions you may have. Keep a clear head and figure out what’s going on so you can get to the bottom of his absence in your life.
Once you figured out what the situation was, you want to make sure that you set your boundaries. When it comes to relationships, communication is one of the most important things and if your partner is growing distant and leaving you feeling alone, then there isn’t good communication. Set out a list of expectations that the both of you have for one another in the relationship. Let him know that leaving and coming back isn’t going to be an acceptable course of action anymore. If he doesn’t feel like he can keep himself from dropping you every time things get tough, then maybe it’s time to reassess the relationship.
3. What do you want? This isn’t just about him
What you want is important as well. Remember, there’s no reason that you have to take him back after he disappeared or ghosted on you. If he’s coming back, it means that you’re going to be the one to make the decision to continue the relationship. He may want to keep moving forward or get back together, but it’s important that you don’t make decisions just based on what he wants, or on a fear of being alone. Take the time to really soul search and decide whether or not you actually want to continue the relationship.
4. Tell him what you want
After you figure out whether or not you want to keep moving forward with the relationship, or to rekindle it after he’s pulled away, the best thing to do is tell him. If you want to keep trying or to get back together, then let him know. It may be tempting to just leaving him hanging the way he had done to you, but an eye of an eye makes the whole world blind. You’ll be able to better address the behavior later, but don’t try to seek revenge by leaving him wondering. If you don’t want to get back together, then tell him that, also. It’s better to be short and sweet and to the point. Don’t leave him with any false hopes. It will only make sending the relationship harder.
When a guy pulls away, it doesn’t always mean the end of the relationship. While this behavior may be difficult, it depends on how you want to handle it. If you think that your relationship is worth putting back together, then it probably is. After all, if he comes back to you it’s probably because he wants to be with you. On the other hand, always know that you don’t have to tolerate being left in the dust while he works himself out.
After all, relationships are about partnerships. Needing time and space to yourself is a normal thing that all humans need, but it shouldn’t leave you feeling like he’s forgotten all about you. If he comes back and wants to be with you, the choice to give him a second chance is yours. After all, you’re not the one who left. In the end, the best piece of advice is this: trust your intuition.