So it happened again. You found yourself utterly invested in this guy who pursued and woo you. And now that you’ve given him a chance and let him into your life, he suddenly vanishes in thin air like magic, only it’s not fun at all! For days, you consistently check your phone, your email, your messenger and your voicemail for traces of him. But day after day, you found yourself empty-handed.
As the girl who was left questioning and doubting every single thing that happened over the past months, or even years, you feel devastated and lost. Where did all the spark go? How can he just leave like that? Didn’t he owe you some explanation at least? The bitter pill to swallow is that these questions may stay unanswered indefinitely.
While you are feeling depressed and clueless, here are some ways on how to deal with what happened. I know it’s never easy to just undo everything you’ve felt and pretend that you didn’t get that rejection and you weren’t abandoned, but taking one step at a time will ultimately lead you to a better destination.
1. Leave him alone
Apparently, the guy didn’t have enough balls to talk to you in person or at least explain why he changed his mind about what’s going on between you two. Begging him to come back and explain will not do anything because this is what he is clearly avoiding! Always remember that if he wants to talk to you, he would. He knows that you are just a call or text away. The fact that he’s not doing any of those only means that he’s happy and contented with his cowardice.
Do not check on his Facebook or Instagram account because it will only make you regretful about what could have been’s when he was the one who put an end to things. Do not be that crazy desperate girl who tries to talk to his friends and family so you two can have the talk that only you wants to have. Respect yourself and do not push yourself into someone who doesn’t want you. Walk away from dead ends.
I know that it’s hard to not have any answers or clue. I know that you think you need some closure but don’t be deluded by these thoughts as you just had your heart broken. The best closure is knowing full well that this isn’t going anywhere and that you are walking away from something irreparable. Leave him alone. Let him live his life without you for it is his loss, not yours. You need a man on your life and not some boy who plays around and doesn’t know what he wants.
2. Do not blame yourself
It is so easy to look into yourself and see your flaws and blame all these to his disappearance. After all, you are the one who was left hanging, right? It must have been your fault. But I’m going to stop you right there. Do not begin to doubt yourself, thinking that you are not good enough for him. He is just not “him”. Pretty soon, you’re going to meet someone who can’t even last a day without you.
Pretty soon, you’ll find someone who will appreciate all of you. Pretty soon, you’ll find that special someone who will stay. Always remember that you are not a reflection of those who can’t love you. And that your relationship status should never reflect your worth as a person. The guy who left can have numerous reasons why he didn’t push through his relationship with you.
More often than not, it has something to do with himself rather than you. The fact that he can’t explain it to you means that he has problems with himself. He might have issues that he doesn’t feel like sharing. Do not beat yourself up thinking that you’re the one at fault. When you begin to depreciate yourself, you are not only losing him but you are also losing yourself in the process.
3. Focus on your life before him
Yes, you might have been happier when he came. But that doesn’t mean that your life before him is impossible. Thinking hard about it now, it’s pretty rocking, don’t you think? Before he came, you might have been busy catching up with friends, doing your favorite hobbies and working hard for that promotion you’ve been eyeing for years now. Reconnect with those things and watch your life get back on track!
They say that time heals all wounds. And this wound about your vanishing guy can easily be mended by staying busy and focusing on the good things that are still present in your life. Choose to look on who’s there rather than who’s not. Your prospect guy might have vanished on you, but you still have friends and family members that are always there for you no matter what situation you’re in. You did it before, you just have to do it again.
Having a guy disappear on you is not something that you can just shrug off. I understand how devastating this might feel, especially if you begin to look at him in a different light, believing that he might actually be the one. I know how not knowing feels like. It’s like there is this scar that only you can see which will remind you constantly never to trust anyone again and to never give your heart again even if he seems sincere and so unlike the last one.
But doing this will only let him win. He came out of your relationship unscratched, exempted from the pain of confrontations. Do not let him take your chance to love and live again. Do not let him take your self-worth with him. Moving on is easier said than done. Some takes weeks to begin coping up. Some takes months in order to be fully back on track and others need years in order to fully heal.
It doesn’t even matter whether he disappeared without a trace or he wrote a letter explaining his decisions. A heartbreak is a heartbreak no matter what. But just thank your Houdini for leaving you and making you see your self-worth more. Instead of passing the hate, thank him for stepping out of your life so that a braver and better man can come in to give you the love that you deserve.