Relationships are great when there is no friction, no hurt feelings, and no problems. But, let’s be real here, no relationship is perfect. Those happy couples we see on television are not real, they are pretending to be happy. Arguments happen. We are human and have different points of view about things, so, fights and disagreements are inevitable.
But, as adults, we should be able to work through them and get our relationships back on track. The tricky part is that you and your boyfriend may have different ways of dealing with an argument. Maybe he needs to spend some time alone to think while you need to hash it out before you turn in for the night. What if you are the one who caused the big blow up? How do you handle it?
You should make amends before things get out of control and the relationship is in jeopardy.
#1. Realize you are the one in the wrong
You won’t make the situation better by getting angry with his response to your actions. If you did something wrong, at least take a step back and let him get a word in. You may have been right, but getting defensive or angry about it won’t help matters at all. Getting angry that he doesn’t see your side of the argument isn’t going to help, it could make things worse.
#2. Let him process
We know that men and women are different. So, it should come as no surprise that when it comes to handling problems men and women tackle them differently. Women are more in touch with their feelings and tend to want to talk about things and resolve them as soon as possible. Some guys are not like that. They are less likely to want to talk about something when emotions are running hot. So, give him some space and time to sort things out before trying to talk it through. This will also give you time to cool off and think about what you want to say.
#3. No pressure
It is okay if he seems to be ignoring you and the issue. Remember, he needs space to process. Forcing someone to talk to you about a problem isn’t going to make things better – it may make them worse. Then he will have more to deal with and will need more time. It is fine to wait until he is in a better mood before trying to talk about it – you will probably be in a better mood then too.
#4. Time is a magical thing
They say time can heal all wounds, and that may be true. But, time will allow you both to gain perspective on the issue. A few days is all it may take. Let things cool down, take time to breathe, and think. After a few days, he may be the one who decides to have a conversation and get the problem solved.
#5. He needs to know you still care
Just because you are giving him space, doesn’t mean you don’t care. Be sure to keep doing the same things you always did for him. Don’t detach yourself from him, that will be a red flag to him, and it could be disastrous for your relationship. He needs to know that while he is working things out, you are still there and willing to get through the problem with him.
#6. Don’t make it personal
Just because your man isn’t talking to you or won’t text or call doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. Don’t take it personally (easier said than done). If you start to resent and get upset when you don’t hear from him, things will only get worse. Remember, it may be your fault that he is angry – so, he may not have anything he needs to say to you – yet.
#7. Privacy is essential
He needs space and has let you know. You may not see him; your regular afternoon coffee date has been canceled. So, no matter how much you want to, you can’t just show up at his place of work and check up on him! Don’t stalk him on social media to see if you have been replaced. Your distrust of him will eventually get back to him and proves you are too insecure about your man and his faithfulness. One fight or disagreement shouldn’t end a solid relationship.
#8. No sharing
You can feel bad about what happened (especially if it is your fault). IT is natural to want to share your hurt feelings with your female BFFs. So, sure, go ahead and let it out – but whatever you do, don’t talk badly about your man! The worst thing will be if he finds out you were back talking about him during the fight. Talk about adding fuel to the fire!
#9. Timing is everything
If you feel that there has been enough time and space given, then you may want to try and talk. Don’t try in a public place though – you don’t want to make a scene. Find a nice, private, quiet place to have your heart to heart.
Admitting you were wrong is hard to do. Apologizing is a sign that you care more about your relationship than you do your own ego. Look him in the eye, and apologize. You will feel better and so will he!
Listening is a skill and one that needs to be mastered if you want a lasting relationship. Let him have his say. If he has gotten over the incident and is talking to you – don’t blow him off. Let him talk, and you listen.
#12. He can have the last word – this time
Compromise is very important in a relationship. A one-sided relationship only benefits one person. You aren’t right all the time, and he isn’t right all the time. You are both right some of the time. Be humble and realize you are human – you make mistakes. Be an adult and take some responsibility. Learn from your mistakes and try not to make them again.
#13. Show him some love!
Even if he isn’t talking to you, you can still show affection. Show him you care. A quick peck on the cheek, a little love note, or just a smile. A wordless hug can also do wonders for a person who is having trouble working through an issue. By showing affection, you may help him get over the incident a little quicker – but don’t add any pressure or expect him to return the affection right away – remember, he needs space and time to think.
#14. Go whole hog
Meaning that once you have admitted you were wrong, you have to get rid of the source of the trouble completely. If he got upset that you drove his truck and scratched it – then you promise never to drive his truck again and return his keys. That way, you are showing how committed you are to him.
#15. No repeat offending
Good God – do not do it again! By repeating the same mistake again, you are proving to him that you are unreliable and untrustworthy. If you have gone through all the trouble of apologizing and promising not to do it again, you should NOT be a repeat offender. That may push him away for good.