In theory, your boyfriend is the one person who will never let you down. He is supposed to be there for you through thick and thin. No matter how difficult life is, your boyfriend is supposed to be the one person who listens to you and supports you.
Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Even when you are dating the most amazing guy, there are times when he might let you down. It is very easy to hold him to higher standards than everyone else because he is your boyfriend. It is also easy to find fault in your partners—after all, he is the person you know best, so you are well aware of all of his faults and strengths. When your boyfriend lets you down, the next decision is what you should do about it.
If you are a human being, your first response is probably to get angry or express your frustration. You expected better, and he did not live up to your expectations. While this is an understandable impulse, it probably won’t help you relationship much. You have to figure out what to do when your boyfriend lets you down without ruining your relationship with him.
1. Analyze the Mistake
Before you can decide what to do, you really have to consider what his mistake was. If he cheated, you probably should get angry and even consider breaking up with him. If he forgot to buy some groceries on the way home from work, your response will be quite different. A little mistake is understandable, but major mistakes could be a sign of an underlying problem in the relationship.
2. Does It Matter?
Something might seem important today, but you have to think about what will matter in the long run. Forgetting the orange juice only matters today and maybe tomorrow. Starting an argument over it will be something he remembers for weeks or months afterward. It could even hurt the relationship and make a negative atmosphere when you are together.
3. Learn to Look Past the Mistake
For most smaller mistakes, the best thing that you can do is look past the mistake. Everyone is human and makes mistakes. As most ladies can attest, guys are not always good at remembering key details. It does not mean that he does not love you. It only means that he became busy or forgot. If you hold on to your annoyance and anger, it will only create resentment between you two.
4. Talk to Him About It
While it is best to forget the mistake in most cases, you will not be able to relax until you have vented your feelings. You have to be careful. Venting your full frustration will overwhelm him and make him feel defensive. If you are really annoyed, vent your feelings in a diary or to your close friend first. Then, talk to your boyfriend after you have cooled down.
You want to express your feelings constructively. This means that you should avoid sentences that sound accusative like, “You forgot the dishes again,” or “You never remember things that I care about.” Instead, use “I feel” statements. For example, “I feel tired when I come home to dirty dishes after a long day at work,” or “I feel ignored when the things I care about are forgotten.” The goal is for him to hear what the problem is and take action to change it. If he feels defensive and under fire, then he is only going to react with anger. He will naturally feel offended and want to argue your accusations.
Your goal is to just express yourself calmly and openly. Then, back off and let him talk. There may be an understandable reason why he let you down, so let him open up. He might not have realized how important it was or how you feel.
5. Find a Solution
Once you have calmly discussed the problem, work together to find a solution. Do not force him to apologize—he will only resent it. If he has a legitimate reason for the mistake or just did not realize how you felt, then he may feel like there is no need to apologize. The important thing is to find a way to avoid the same problem in the future.
6. Let the Mistake Go
If you have found a solution and successfully expressed your feelings, then it is time to let the mistake go. This can be the hardest part for you. You were so upset when your boyfriend let you down, so letting the mistake go is going to be hard. Unfortunately, holding onto the mistake will only hurt your relationship. As long as he makes the changes he agreed to, there is no reason to bring up the past. You have to forgive and forget if you want to move past the mistake together.