After a break up, moving on is never easy. In MRI studies, they found that your mind actually looks like it is temporarily insane when you are going through a break up. Even though you logically know that the relationship is over with, your heart finds it impossible to just move on.
One thing people do to move on is adopt the no contact rule. It is far too easy to drunk dial your ex or flood his inbox with dozens of texts demanding why he broke up with you. You were smart, so you decided that you would wait two weeks or a month before you reached out to him again. You decided to do the no contact rule so that you would have time to heal without making a terrible mistake that would push him away for good. The only problem is that your ex contacted you during no contact. Now, you have to decide if you will break your own rule to respond to him. What should you do now?
What to Do When Your Ex Contacts You During No Contact?
There are a number of misconceptions about the no contact rule. One of the most common misconceptions is that people think that they cannot contact an ex if their ex contacts them. Not contacting your ex in this scenario can actually create more problems than it causes.
In most cases, your ex is contacting you to either see how you are doing or to gradually work on getting back together again. If your ex reached out because he wants to talk about the break up and try to get back together, then you need to talk to him. If you avoid messaging him, then you can end up pushing him away for good. When you do not message him back, he thinks that the relationship is done for good and decides to move on. Even if you finish no contact and reach out to him again, all hopes of having a relationship again are over with because he no longer wants to be with you. By then, he has healed and started dating again.
If he reaches out to you during no contact to get back together, you need to message him back. It is the only way that you will get the relationship started again. Keep in mind that you cannot tell what he wants from the relationship by just his initial texts. Even if he wants to get back together, his first texts may just be asking you how you are doing to get the conversation going. If even a part of you wants to be with him again, text back and see where the conversation goes from there.
What to Do
You don’t want to seem like you are needy or desperate, so you don’t want to respond immediately to his text. Give it at least a couple of hours before you respond. You don’t want it to seem like you are just sitting alone at home and waiting for him to text you. When you do respond, keep your message short and sweet. You don’t want to tell him how much you miss him or give him a long message about everything that is happening in your life. A short message encourages him to text you back and keep the conversation going.
You also want to be positive in your messages. This is a good idea for a number of reasons. No one likes to be around a downer, so depressing messages will only push him away. Plus, you don’t want to seem desperate or clingy. Your ex wants to be with someone who is fine being on their own. He does not want to feel like you are trying to ensnare him in a relationship.
There is a tendency to draw out the conversation for too long. If you keep texting him over and over, it will only make you seem needy or can make him bored. After you have talked for a while, evaluate the conversation. Are you talking about anything serious or does it seem like he actually wants to talk about the relationship? If not, then you should end the conversation. Say that you are meeting a friend or need to leave to get something done. Be polite, but let him know that the conversation is over with. This puts him in the psychological mindset where he wants to keep talking to you and feels like he needs to reach out again. Then, you can talk to him when he reaches out in the future and see where things go from there.
While you should definitely respond to your ex when he contacts you during no contact, you should be careful. Sometimes, an ex just reaches out because he is lonely, wants sex or just misses the comfort of being with you. Whatever the case, there are many reasons why he may reach out to you that are not because he still loves you. Be careful about how you respond and remember that he might not actually want a relationship again.