You thought you had a great thing going, and yet here he is saying that he has doubts about your relationship. This might catch you off-guard, but it seems like he’s been mulling this over for a while. So what can you say when the doubt rears its ugly head?
“Why?” First off, when a guy says he has doubts about your relationship, there should be a clear reason for this. In all honestly, a lot of guys have trouble articulating exactly what they’re thinking, so in cases like this you really have to sit him down so you can have a talk.
You’re lucky if he can clearly state the reasons for why he’s having doubts because then you can at least work on what to do to alleviate those doubts. This might include reasons like a feeling like you’re not compatible, feelings that you want different things in life, or even little pet peeves like how he dislikes how you chew or how you’re too outgoing for him. These are clear-cut things that can be talked over and compromised.
However, when he says something vague like “this just doesn’t feel right”, it’s a lot harder to pinpoint why. It could be an instinctual thing that no matter how you try to make things “feel” right, you simply can’t. If this is the reason he gives you, you’ll need to consistently communicate until you get to the reason for why it doesn’t feel “right” for him. Only then will you be able to try and resolve his doubts.
“Is it a huge deal breaker?” Once you know why he has doubts, it’s time to help him see if this is a good enough reason to have doubts about your relationship. There are some people out there who can be incredibly shallow in a relationship that the tiniest thing can be a deal breaker. Just check out an AskReddit threat about tiny deal breakers and you’ll see people who have broken up with their significant others because they laugh weird or they like a certain band or they hate a certain movie. It’s insane!
When you ask your guy if the thing that gives him doubts about your relationship is a huge deal breaker, you should listen to what he has to say. For instance, if he mentions that he has doubts about your spending habits, this might seem a little shallow. But when you get to the bottom of it, it might be him showing concerns about future financial decisions you’ll need to make together. When you have a concrete reason for why something is a deal breaker, the next thing you should ask is…
“How can we work things out?” When you know the doubts and you know the reasons, it’s a lot easier to find ways to make things right. Remind him that you never realized that there are things about your relationship that give him cause to doubt the entire thing. So when he admits to what it is that you both need to work on, make a plan for how you intend to do it.
In the example above, we mentioned spending habits. If you want to work on it, you can give him examples of things you can do to limit your spending. For instance, you can mention opening a savings account, creating an effective scheme to pay off credit card debts, or just avoiding going on shopping sprees whenever you go out. Showing him concrete steps you can take to eliminate the thing that’s making him doubt the relationship might also eliminate his doubt altogether.
“I have no doubts about us.” While it may seem like you’re putting each other at odds by having opposing views, it may open him up to the possibility of why things would work out between you. When you tell him you have no doubts about your relationship, tell him about all the great things that you can do because you’re together.
For example, you might say to him that you two work like a team because you complement each other so well that you balance out each other’s traits. You can also mention that you’re compatible because while you have different views about certain things, when he looks at the bigger picture, you both want the same things in life. The thing to do here is to make him see how good things are going in the hope that this would alleviate his doubts.
“Goodbye.” At the end of the day, only he can erase the doubt from his own mind. So when you realize that there’s just no changing his mind, it might be time to call it quits. No matter how well things were going with you, his doubts might eat away at your relationship and make things worse. So to avoid that, cut things short and avoid the pain that will come after.
Doubts are often just ideas, and it might not be too late to change his mind. So don’t let the doubt stew into real reasons for a breakup, and instead address the issue while it’s still early!