Any relationship can lead to moments of disappointment towards the one you love. However, those moments of disappointment shouldn’t be the norm. There are many reasons why your partner might disappoint you, and sometimes those reasons aren’t completely in her control.
So how can you deal when she always seems to do something to let you down? You can start off by talking to her and saying these…
“You really hurt me when you did that.” You may think it’s insensitive of her to not know you are disappointed, but whether she doesn’t know or she does know and chooses to avoid it, you should still say it outright. Tell how her actions made you feel. This isn’t an attempt at a guilt trip. Instead, it’s you explaining to her why her actions were unacceptable.
For instance, if she made fun of something personal in front of other people, take this time to explain that you wish she wouldn’t poke fun at you in front of others. She may already know that she shouldn’t do that sort of thing, but it brings the message across so much better when you say it out loud.
“I want to understand why you did what you did.” There are times when our otherwise reasonable and loving partner does something that boggles your mind and disappoints you so profoundly that it makes you feel like you’re dating someone else. In cases like these, try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
Try to understand why they would do something hurtful towards you. And if you genuinely can’t think of a reason for why they behaved so disappointingly, it’s best to just ask. Ask her why she would do such a thing, ask her what drove her to do what she did, and ask her why she chose to act that way as a reaction. People may not always be aware of their motivations. However, when you show her that you want to know because you want to understand and not to judge, it might help her open up.
“Is there something I should know?” As with above, you might notice that she is acting different. She might not be her usual self, and as her boyfriend, you have some right to know why. However, she might not be too keen on opening up because she hasn’t had the chance to. So when she has done something to hurt you and you have the time to talk things through, ask her if there’s something different in her life that’s affecting her behavior.
For instance, she might be going through a tough time at work. She might be having a falling out with her best friend. Or she might just be feeling blue. While those aren’t excuses to neglect her duties as your girlfriend, they can shed some light on why she has suddenly changed.
“Is it me? Did I do something to make you do that?” Women have a tendency to be passive aggressive towards someone they can’t directly confront. For the most part, men are more likely to confront the situation head-on. Take this time to use your confrontational skills to ask her if her actions are because of something you did.
We’re not saying you should blame yourself for her disappointing you, but it could explain her actions. For instance, perhaps you forgot to respond to her messages or you forgot about a date she’s been looking forward to. She might then try to do the same to you as a form of retaliation so you can “have a taste of your own medicine.”
“I love you, but we need to work on this.” Let’s say that her disappointing actions have been going on for a while. At first, you thought they were just slip-ups. But recently you’ve noticed that she has been letting you down quite often. For instance, she may be acting more aloof or argumentative towards you, and it’s been leading to a huge strain in your relationship. If that’s the case, it may be time to tell her outright that her actions are taking their toll on you. Tell her that you love her, but you can’t take much more of this.
You want to know why she’s doing this and what you can do to make things better again. Keep in mind that when you say this, it’s like opening a can of worms. She might then let our all these pent-up feelings that have been leading her to act less than favorably towards you. But instead of just letting it all slide, take on the situation and try to work out what you can do to mend your relationship or if it’s best to just break up.
The sooner you speak up, the sooner you can get your relationship on track again. So take the time to talk to her about how you feel and to understand how she feels.