You’re feeling a little lovey-dovey. He’s right there with you, whether cuddling on the couch, at the counter with your fourth drink, or on a casual date. You think it’s the right time to pull him in for a hug or a kiss, fully expecting him to welcome your advances. But then, with no warning whatsoever, he suddenly pulls away.
What should you say to him to find out why he’s suddenly pulling away from you?
When You’re Not Yet a Couple
Let’s say you’re in the early flirtation stages where you know there’s a little bit of chemistry between you but you’re not yet at that stage when you’re headed toward being a couple. Having him pull away can take you aback, especially when you’ve thought all along that you have a good thing going. Here are things you can say when he pulls away as you’re leaning towards him.
“Are you okay?” Don’t take it too personally when he pulls away from you. He might just not be in the mood. After all, you have to consider that even though you’re already pretty familiar with each other, doesn’t mean that you’re already at the top of his priority list. This isn’t such a bad thing, especially when he has a lot going on in his mind. For example, he might not be in the mood to be all cuddly because he’s stressed about work or worrying about a persistent problem in his life. So when he pulls away, ask him if he’s okay and he might want to talk to you about it.
“Are we going too fast?” It’s common to think that when you lean in for a kiss or a hug, a guy would welcome your advances. But there are also guys who prefer to take things slow with a girl. This could be due to a number of different reasons. For one, he might not be completely sure about you yet. He might like you enough and he might engage in some flirtatious banter with you, but that’s not enough to know that he wants to make your relationship more physical. He might also be the type of guy who wants to make the first move. In this case, you moving in for a kiss might not be his cup of tea as he wants to be the one to make that move.
“Am I being too forward?” When you’re not sure if he’s the type of guy who likes girls who make the first move, it’s best to clear the air. Generally, you would be able to glean if he likes girls who make the first move, but there are times when it seems like he doesn’t mind either way. When he pulls away, ask him if he thinks you’re being too forward so you know how he feels about girls who make the first move. This way, you acknowledge him pulling away and you also get to know if he’d be more responsive if you played the part of the more passive girl who’s waiting for him to make his move.
“Do you not like me?” Even if he flirts with you or responds to your messages or even goes out on a date with you, those are still not super definitive signs that he likes you enough to get physical with you. If that’s the case, don’t take it too hard because there are some guys who really want to get to know a girl before hugging her or kissing her. So if you’re not completely sure why he’s pulling away, you can ask him if he’s even into you at all.
“Oh, sorry.” One way to avoid the awkwardness of having a guy pull away is by just apologizing and letting it go. He could be pulling away for a number of different reasons, some of which we’ve already mentioned above. When you apologize to him for coming on too strong, there’s a tendency that he’d explain why he’s pulling away. At least this way, you don’t need to ask why he pulled away because he’d readily give you an answer.
When You’re a Couple
It can be pretty alarming when the guy you’re dating suddenly pulls away when just a couple of days ago you were locked in a passionate kiss. But of course, people have their own reasons for pulling away and the following statements can help you get to the bottom of it.
“Hey, is something wrong?” You both know that it’s not normal for him to pull away from the girl he’s dating unless the circumstances are just off (like if you’re in a public place or if your conservative grandmother is staring right at you). Ask him what’s wrong and see if there’s anything amiss in your relationship. When he pulls away it’s usually not that big a deal… That is, unless he suddenly gives you the pre-breakup talk. Yikes!
“What’s up?” When you ask him what’s wrong, it might be too confrontational for his liking and he might clam up without so much as acknowledging your question. To make him feel more at ease and to make your question feel a little more casual, ask him what’s up. It might help him open up to why he pulled away.
“Sorry, I forgot I haven’t brushed my teeth yet!” When you pull him in for a good morning kiss right after you wake up, don’t be offended when he pulls away. After all, morning breath afflicts even the best of us!
“Hey, come back!” Let’s say you don’t want to know why he’s pulling away or you know but you just want to be closer to him. Instead of asking him questions, just tell him to come back so he knows how much the physical contact means to you. It might make him think that whatever issue that’s making him pull away isn’t such a big deal and, as his girlfriend, you definitely deserve a hug no matter what.
Alarming as it may seem at first, there are times when a guy pulling away isn’t actually a big deal! So keep the above statements in mind for the next time he pulls away from you.