Home Love & Relationship What To Say When Your Girlfriend Brings Up Her Ex

What To Say When Your Girlfriend Brings Up Her Ex


It happens- Every so often you might hear your girlfriend name drop her ex. And although you aren’t his biggest fan, you understand it’s only natural that once in awhile his name is going to pop up in conversation. Especially if they had a long term relationship. Yes, it sucks, but it happens… Every once in awhile. But what are you supposed to do when his name keeps coming up… and coming up… and coming up? By now you are so sick of hearing it, you’re about ready to put your hand over her mouth every time she sounds out the letter of his first name. We feel you, bud. We understand this can be frustrating. What does it mean that she can’t stop talking about him? And, more importantly, what are you supposed to do about it?

What to Do When A Girl Talks About Her Ex

This is definitely a tricky situation if there ever was one. You don’t want to risk upsetting your girlfriend by saying the wrong thing, but you also feel as if you can’t just let it keep happening.

Very tricky indeed.

But it really isn’t worth stressing yourself out too much. There is a proper way to go about this. And we know just what that way is. But first, let’s go over the why of the situation. To respond to her always name dropping her ex, you must first understand why she is doing so in the first place.

So, let’s get started-

Why She’s Bringing Up Her Ex:

She’s Comparing The Two Of You:

Now wait, before you get mad, let’s discuss this. You might think that her always comparing you to her ex is a bad thing. But, in reality, it’s really not. When we first start dating someone new, we tend to compare our old partners to our new ones. Not always in a negative manner either. She might be saying, “My ex used to complain about scary movies. I’m so glad you don’t.”

Or something along those lines. So be sure to be really listening to what she’s saying when she says his name.

She Had A Bad Previous Relationship:

She might just need to vent to you about somethings that happened to her in her past. How rude her boyfriend was or even abusive. Just because she is bringing up her ex, doesn’t mean she’s shedding a positive light on him. It might feel good for her to open up about her past with you. You just might not realize that’s what she’s doing.

She’s Warning You:

When your girlfriend brings up her ex, she might be mentioning things that she hated about him. The things he did and what she didn’t enjoy about him as a person. This is her way of warning you what she does and doesn’t like. What she will and will not tolerate in a relationship. So again, it’s important to pay attention.

She Still Has To Deal With Him:

Do your girlfriend and her ex still hang out in the same social circles? Does she work with him? If so, then duh you’re going to hear about him. Let’s not be naive, ok?

She Is Still In Love With Him:

Now, we put this one last because we did not want to freak you out right away. But let’s be real shall we? Of course there are times when a girlfriend might bring up her ex because she’s still in love with him. Is this the most common reason? Most definitely not. So don’t worry too much about it. However, this one comes with pretty obvious signs. Mainly she will talk about things she misses about him, how good he was to her, etc. When she is constantly shedding a positive light on him without regard to your feelings, that’s when we suggest you start to worry.

My gf keeps talking about her ex

What To Say:

Now that you know why she might be bringing up her ex, let’s talk about what you can do about it.

If it really bothers you, you should have the right to let her know, right? Right!

But how do you do that?

Just Tell Her How You Feel:

In any relationship you should feel comfortable enough with each other to tell one another how you feel about things. Of course, you want to go about this a little gently. You don’t want to start a fight or create tension. So keep it simple.

I.E: “Babe, I don’t mind listening to you talk about your past, but it does bother me a little to hear you ex’s name so much. Do you think we could maybe just avoid that subject for awhile?”

Talk About Your Ex:

Or, if you don’t think that will work, you can give her a taste of her own medicine. Mirror her behavior and start talking about your ex the way that she talks about hers. Don’t be overly blunt about it, but just do it casually. She will start to understand how you feel and hopefully that puts an end to that!


  1. I just experienced this while working on a issue with a girl i was dating on top of seeing his picture in her apartment of them kissing. During the talk we had on compromise i told her i felt like i am doing all the work i would like to see some reciprocity every once in a while i care about you and want to move forward in the relationship. She asked why would i think that and i said it feels like i am being used. So she went off on how good she had it with a wealthy ex boyfriend and laughed at me. I walked out right there. Havent spoken to her in a week. I wish things went differently. I was simply just asking for her to show that she appreciates my efforts since it didnt seem like she was.

    • She has shown you that she does not respect your relationship. She has chosen to treat you poorly. It is positive that you walked out after she laughed. Her behavior was inappropriate. Focus your emotional energy elsewhere, and determine what you want for your future without her. Ensure that you share your kindness and compassion with everyone in your life. Have a great day, Aaron!

  2. I dated a girl, chemistry was great, we went on date and came to my flat. I was virgin but confident and I subtly let her make first move. After a while she said she feels like doing sex but not before 6 months of dating. I respected that. But after that night whenever we did cuddle and make out I used to get vibes that she is thinking about her ex. She always use to say her sex with her ex was soo great(her ex had already done sex with like 10 girls before her) but she never did it with me. Now every time I feel wierd after getting turned on but not reaching happy end. What to do?

    • The two of you are maintaining a relationship. You should make a decision about what you feel is appropriate and viable for your future. She has shared her thoughts and feelings with you. Speak with her about your thoughts and feelings, and give her an opportunity to share herself with you as well. Nourish this relationship by spending additional time with her in person. Have a great day, Pranav!

  3. She said her ex was too selfish and mean but their relation worked out because of their sex compatibility. For her sex compatibility matters a lot for relationship. I don’t understand why she is blocking herself to have sex with me even if things are going good. We have slept together for like 15-20 times but every time its just cuddle and makeout and after few hours she says “not down the waist”. I have started doubting myself if my foreplay doesn’t turn her on enough to go all with me. I believe if you stop in between on bed, then definitely its not gonna workout in real.Help me!

    • There may be various reasons for her behavior. Since she mentioned sexual compatibility, is not interested in sexual intercourse with you, and the two of you are dating, you may want to speak with her about your thoughts and feelings. The purpose for this is to understand where the problem lies in your current relationship. You may want to better understand the reasons for her actions, and that way you can be a better partner for her. Have a great day, Pranav!

  4. She wants sexually confident guy, but if she won’t give me consent, how will we see if we are good in bed together or not? I can’t extend sexless companionship because I know if in future some other guy(having sexual experience) blows her mind on bed, she will leave me as we are just in dating phase(though it’s been 3 months). It’s my first time. I feel helpless, can’t talk to her about it(sounds underconfident and turn off), how will things move forward?

    • There may be various reasons for her behavior. Since she mentioned sexual compatibility, is not interested in sexual intercourse with you, and the two of you are dating, you may want to speak with her about your thoughts and feelings. The purpose for this is to understand where the problem lies in your current relationship. You may want to better understand the reasons for her actions, and that way you can be a better partner for her. Have a great day, Pranav!

  5. The love of my life had an affair while married to her husband, she and i are now together and love each other dearly, however she insist that keeping a friendship with the person whom she had the affair and allowing him to come around into our relationship is no big deal. I think he’s immoral and can’t be trusted as the history is that he first proclaimed his love for her while camping with both of them while her husband was asleep. He even lived with them for some time, all the while the husband was kept in the dark. She believes it’s acceptable to maintain her friendship and allow him to continue to come around. I however believe he can’t be trusted and don’t think he has any business hanging around. Who’s right/wrong? why – Thanks in advance Charles

    • Everyone’s relationship is unique, and what works for one couple doesn’t always work for someone else. With that said, I think that she is playing with fire. She was obviously attracted to him before, and she failed when she was tempted to cheat. Being around him and spending time with him is deliberately putting herself in a situation where she can be tempted and fail again. If she is serious about being with you and staying with you, she needs to cut this person out of her life.

  6. About 2 months into a new relationship, we had just got done having sex. We were cleaning up and still both in the nude, when she points out these marks on her knees. I look, and asked what they were. She says “scars”… Dumbfounded I say, “Oh. From what?” She sighs and hesitates… I tell her, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” After more hesitating she finally says, “From the last person I had sex with before you…” I froze and panicked. I asked her why she told me that. She shrugs and says “I don’t know.” So we go to sleep, except I don’t sleep. I lay there all night wondering about it. We continue to date, and a few weeks later I asked her about it again. And she says “I don’t know”.
    It’s been years now, but this incident is still triggered in my head keeping me up at night, and I feel like garbage, and don’t know what to do. I feel like I don’t deserve her if I can’t get over this.

    • You should not concern yourself with her statement. The scars had nothing to do with you, and her decision to tell you about the scars were not a reflection of your sexual prowess. Rather, she was simply sharing her sexuality with you. There is no reason for you to feel like garbage.


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