You have found the perfect guy, but it seems like he might not be into you after all. Before long, you realize that what he really likes is the thrill of the chase. Now, you need to find out why and what to do about it. Is he actually interested in you or did he just want to prove that he could win your heart?
Why Do Men Like a Chase?
Before we delve too much into this topic, we should point out that many, many men do not like a chase. They want a woman who tells them how she feels and what she wants. Chasing a girl or playing hard to get are games. Many people dislike partners who try to manipulate them or play games with their minds. In many cases, it is not a good idea to date someone who deliberately plays games. If they are trying to manipulate your mind before you even date, then your future does not look like a happy one together.
In some cases, a guy’s desire to chase the girl is not related to mind games or manipulations at all. He just genuinely enjoys the game of flirting and wooing the girl. Some guys even think that every relationship has to involve a choice. Since around the time movies first started, women in romantic comedies played hard to get. Guys watching these films may easily assume that a woman wants to be chased and that this type of relationship is completely normal.
You know that you like the guy, and it seems like he likes you. Why would you have to make him chase you? While it may seem illogical, there may be a few biological and evolutionary impulses going on behind the scenes. If you want to excel in the dating world, you may need to learn why someone likes to chase a partner before they date them.
Wait: Do You Really Want to Do This?
Before you learn more about why guys like a chase, you have to decide if this is really the direction that you want to go. If you are already madly in love with someone, don’t make him chase you. Making him chase you is a risk because he might decide that you are not worth the trouble. He might think that it is a mind game and stay far, far away from you. When you are dealing with potential boyfriend material, it is not worth taking the risk and losing him.
Even though you should not deliberately make him chase you, there are still times when he will do so anyway. There are a number of biological, psychological and evolutionary reasons why men like a chase. We will cover some of the most common reasons why a guy might want to chase a girl instead of just catching her attention.
The Real Reasons Why Men Like a Chase
While some guys say that they do not like a chase, there is a subconscious reason why a part of them is still interested. Unfortunately, it is not always easy to tell what is going on in the subconscious mind. He logically wants a girl who does not play games, but a part of him is intrigued by the chase. Even though many men complain about women who play hard to get, a part of them likes the act of hunting and capturing a girl’s heart. Despite the feminist movement and a culture based on equality, this biological desire remains within the mind.
There are two major reasons why a guy chases after a girl. One reason is that it helps the man decide if he really wants to be with the girl. The other common reason is because it boosts his ego. In between these reasons, there are many more individualized justifications for wanting to chase a woman.
A Chase Helps the Guy Realize That You Are Important
We never, ever advise playing mental games with your partner. At the same time, almost every part of the relationship has some mental component to it. Even when you are not trying to play games, there are psychological mechanisms working beneath it all. A chase helps the guy decide if the girl is worth it. People naturally take for granted anything that seems too easy. It is one of the reasons why free books and classes are so undervalued. When someone gets something for free, they naturally think it is worth less.
A chase operates as a way to show him that you are worth more. It is human nature to assume that something that takes more work is worth more. While he chases, he is also gradually starting to fall for you. He starts by caring whether you like him back. Before long, his mind starts to actually care and fall for you.
On the opposite side of this scenario, someone who is too easy seems less valuable. They were less work, so he may wonder if he could actually get someone better. This does not mean that you have to make him chase you or worry about kissing him on the first date. The chase is just one aspect of the hunt for a partner, and you should not read too much into it.
A Chase Boosts His Ego
Another reason why men like a chase is because it soothes their ego. They are naturally competitive and want to be the winner in any situation. When it comes to dating, they want to be the best, most attractive and smartest guy that you encounter. By having to chase you first, they are proving to themselves that they are the best and deserve you more than anyone else.
Basically, this chase helps to boost the guy’s ego and self-esteem. It satisfies the guy’s competitive drive to be the best man and to get the best date possible. When he has to try to woo you and chase you, it shows him that you have plenty of other options. If he ends up winning your heart, it means (to him) that he is the winner and the best one out there.
He Loves the Thrill
Some guys do not care about ego or anything like that. In some cases, the guy just enjoys the thrill of the chase. He does not know if you like him or not, and being around you gets his adrenaline pumping. The uncertainty drives him wild, and he wants to see where things go. The early stages of the relationship release an influx of hormones that get you to fall for someone. While he is riding high on these hormones, the chase appeals to him.
Obviously, this is only true for some guys. Some guys love the thrill of the chase. Other people like the comfort of knowing that they have someone who does not have to be chased.
How Much Is Too Much?
As we have said before, there is a danger to deliberately making a guy chase you. You could push him away from you or make him think that you are not worth the effort. There is a certain element of “chase” in any relationship though. Initially, neither of you are entirely sure that the other is interested. You flirt, smile and dance around the topic for a while as you wonder if he likes you back. A certain level of chase happens in every relationship. The tricky part is determining how much is too much.
If you make a guy chase you around for weeks, it could turn him off. If he is not truly interested in you, then he may become bored. At the very least, he will start to wonder if you are worth the trouble. Once he knows you well and loves you, a bit of work seems worth it. Until you know each other though, you are just an unknown quantity. Unless he is head-over-heels in love with you, then he probably won’t want to do too much extra work.
Each situation is different, so there is no hard and fast rule for how long to let a guy chase you. In general, stop having him chase you if a) you like him and b) he asks you out. Once you know that he likes you and wants to be with you, there is no reason to make him chase you and spend so much time uncertain of the outcome.
Should You Ever Play Hard to Get?
The short and fast answer to this is no. Don’t play hard to get. You are basing your relationship on lies and games. Think of it this way: If you play hard to get and it works, then you now have a boyfriend who likes the chase and manipulation. Do you really want to have a relationship like that? If so, go for it. If you want someone that you can be honest and open with, then don’t do it. Playing hard to get, when it works, only means that you get a guy who likes that type of mind game. Unless you are interested in that kind of guy, there is no reason to go for that option.
Don’t Think of It As a Chase
Instead of thinking of it as playing hard to get or a chase, think of your relationship as an adventure. You have no clue where things will go, and neither does he. Instead of trying to fit some narrative from a rom-com, create your own path. The start of a relationship is an exciting, thrilling time for both partners. Take things slowly and see where things go. Give your relationship time to slowly blossom.
Taking your time, flirting and getting to know each other is technically what happens during a “chase”, but the entire purpose is different. This is just a way for both of you to gradually feel the other out and see if you are interested. From there, your flirting becomes dating and a closer relationship. Couples that take longer to develop a relationship have better success rates, so give it time. The extra weeks or months will give both of you a chance to know each other well before you decide to commit more deeply.
Men and women like a chase. There are many people who like the thrill of a new relationship, the adventure of a courtship and the fun of flirting. At its heart, this desire is all about finding the right person, enjoying the relationship and a bit of an ego boost. As long as both partners are enjoying it, there is nothing wrong with the thrill of the chase or the excitement of flirting. What matters most is that you do what is right for your relationship and each other. If this is how you want your relationship to be, then start the chase and have some fun!