When your relationship ends and you’re still in love with your ex, it can be really tempting to pick up the phone and send them a text. But that might just be the worst thing you can do – especially if you ever hope to get back together with them. Instead, you need to give the no contact rule a try.
This method to smooth things over with your ex may not seem like it’ll work, but if you give it a try you may be surprised by the outcome. Sure, it might not work 100% of the time, but there is a really good chance you can mend the issues with your ex with the no contact rule.
What is the No Contact Rule?
If you’re wondering what this crazy method is, I’ll break it down for you. This rule is when you don’t contact your ex in any way, shape, or form ever again. You can’t text, call, message, or even like anything on their social media. It’s basically erasing them from your life completely.
Why Try the No Contact Rule?
This may seem a little harsh when it comes to a breakup, but it’s definitely useful. When you breakup with someone you can’t just go right back to being friends. There’s a reason your ex has to remain and ex. It didn’t work out. And if you remain in contact with them, you can never really get over them.
So you implement the no contact rule as a means to move on with your life. But does it really work that well? We can confidently say YES. Here are the reasons the no contact rule always works.
- You have time to get over them.
When you’re always looking at your ex’s social media profiles and old texts you got from them, moving on can be a hassle. It’s also made more difficult if you keep reaching out to them. Therefore, the no contact rule makes that so much easier. You actually have time away from them in order to move on and get over them completely. You don’t have to hang on to those feelings in the hopes that talking to them will make them want you back.
- Your feelings won’t come back.
If you’re the person who ended the relationship, you may worry about making the wrong decision and your feelings for them may start to bloom again if you talk to them. That’s why you have to follow the no contact rule – even if you dumped them. The risk of your feelings returning can be really harmful if you know you two just aren’t meant to be. So do yourself – and them – a favor and ignore the impulse to reach out.
- You won’t ever doubt the breakup.
When you’ve ended things with someone, talking to them on occasion can definitely cause you to doubt the breakup and make you think about getting back together. While this may work sometimes, usually you ended things for a reason. Implementing the no contact rule is sometimes the only way to make you truly remember the reasons you broke it off so you don’t get wrapped up in a relationship you don’t want. By never contacting them again, you’ll be able to hold on to those reasons and feel sure about why you ended things.
- You can focus on healing yourself.
Everybody who goes through a breakup needs time to heal – no matter who ended things. If you continuously talk to your ex, you’ll never be able to heal those wounds. That’s where the no contact rule helps. It will always work because you won’t constantly be ripping open your heart over and over again when you talk to them. This gives you time to heal, move on, and focus on your own life and your own happiness. So just remember that the next time you feel tempted to reach out to your ex. It will only hurt you.
- You’ll be able to fall for someone else.
I’m not saying you’ll fall for a new person right away if you use the no contact rule, but it will help you make yourself more available if the right person comes along. You may meet someone really great shortly after your breakup, but if you’re always talking to your ex, you may feel weird about beginning something with them. You may let the opportunity for a great relationship slip through your fingers if you’re still in touch with your ex. That’s why you need to use the no contact rule. It will always work to free you for the right person who comes along.
- There’s no risk of being caught up in an on-again off-again relationship.
We all know how toxic an on-again off-again relationship can be. And being in touch with your ex will only encourage this type of relationship. You’ll break up, and then keep talking to each other and realize you miss one another and then get back together only for the same issues to pop up and break you up once more. Using the no contact rule prevents this because you’ll never get back with them. You’ll never be tempted by their charm or humor when you can’t talk to them at all. That’s why you should always use this rule post breakup.
- You can keep the memories tucked away for good.
The hardest thing about a breakup is all of the memories you have together. You create amazing memories and many of the ones you’ll remember are the good ones. And after a breakup, you need to file those away and keep them underneath your radar in order to move on. If you keep talking to your ex, those memories will resurface and it’ll only make things much harder for you. So the no contact rule can save you from having to relive the good memories that will cause you the most pain over and over again.
- You’ll be able to focus on being your true self.
Relationships can really change a person – especially unhealthy ones. For that reason, you need the no contact rule to help you become who you truly are. Sometimes you lose sight of your true self when you’re consumed with your significant other. When you have the no contact rule, you’re allowing yourself to be free of their clutches. You’re becoming yourself again and you truly need that if you’re ever going to find someone who loves you for who you really are.
- Your self-esteem can rebuild itself.
Another way the no contact rule always works is by building up your self-esteem. If you’re always talking to the person who broke your heart, it’s hard to feel good about yourself. You’re always doubting yourself and wondering what’s so wrong with you they decided not to be with you. If you don’t ever talk to them again, you’ll never have to relive those insecurities and this can help you find confidence again. Regaining that confidence can also help steer you in the direction of a new love. Without that self-esteem, you may not be able to pick up the person who’s meant for you.
- You won’t have to watch your ex with someone else.
If your partner broke it off with you, it’s likely that they’ve move on much sooner than you will. And if you’re in constant contact with them, you’ll get a front row seat to their new love life. Let me tell you, that is NOT what you want to do. It will hurt you in ways you never thought possible and it will only prolong your healing period. That’s why the no contact rule is essential to follow. You won’t have to see their new relationship rubbed in your face if you never have to see them.
- Your past will remain in the past.
Digging up old pain is the norm if you always talk to your ex. But if you use the no contact rule, your past will stay where it should – in the past. So if you’re having a hard time making people forget about your relationship with someone or even forgetting it yourself, then the no contact rule can definitely help do that. Without the two of you talking, it’s easier to make sure that the entire relationship and your past during that time remains in the past. People will stop bringing it up and eventually it’ll just be a memory to you.
- You don’t have to think about the relationship ever again.
I know there’s part of you that will always think about your relationship with your ex because those memories can’t really be erased. However, if you implement the no contact rule, it makes it much easier to just forget about them and not thing about the relationship any more. Even if you had a good relationship and it just didn’t work out, it’s easier to move on without the constant reminder that you were with them. For that reason, the no contact rule should always be used.
What to do if You Broke the No Contact Rule
Not all of us are strong enough to maintain the no contact rule and sometimes you may break it accidentally – like when you run into your ex unexpectedly. Here’s what to do if you’ve broken it.
- Get away from them ASAP.
If you run into them at a store or even a restaurant, you have to get away from them as soon as possible. Don’t allow them to initiate conversation and don’t make yourself available for them to come over and chat. Get out of there as soon as you can so you can get back to the no contact rule. Running into your ex is just something you may have to deal with, but making sure you distance yourself from them right away will help.
- Don’t let it derail your progress.
If you do see them or they contact you, don’t let it bring you down. Don’t allow the moment to fill your mind with all of the things you used to do together. Hold those memories back and don’t let them take over the forefront of your mind. To do this, just start thinking about something else right away.
- Put it back into effect right away.
This is something you MUST do. If you’ve been using the no contact rule for a long time and it’s been working great for you and you just so happen to bump into your ex downtown, get right back to it immediately. Don’t allow yourself to think about them or add them back on social media. Don’t sit and talk to them for a long time and “catch up”. Just acknowledge that it happened and put the no contact rule back into effect right away. Don’t falter.
- Distract yourself immediately.
There may be times where a picture of your ex pops up on your news feed and it can be really hard to keep the no contact rule in play when all you want to do is “like” that one picture. You have to distract yourself. Think about something else. Watch a funny video. Go read a book. Do anything to get your mind off of seeing a picture of them or seeing a text from them.
- DON’T contact them again.
Sometimes your ex may not be as strong as you. If that’s the case, they may reach out to you and try to talk. They may even attempt to rekindle the romance. Don’t let this happen. All you can do is either ignore them completely or tell them to stop contacting you if they won’t leave you alone. Then just don’t contact them again in any form and they’ll eventually listen to you.
If you can handle the no contact rule, it’s the best way to treat your ex no matter how things ended in your relationship. You deserve to be happy and move on with your life and the no contact rule can help make that happen.