One of the most confusing thing in the world is relationships. You watch the perfect couple get married and start a family together. Decades pass by, and they suddenly get divorced. Everyone watching is stunned and can’t figure out why such a great couple would get divorced so late in the game.
The topic of failed relationships gets a lot of attention because of this confusion. Many couples want to learn why relationships fail because they want to prevent these problems. Each failed relationship is another reminder that even the best couples can break up. Out of the many potential causes of divorce, infidelity and money issues are two of the top reasons. Arguments about money add stress to the marriage, especially if those arguments are based on debts or a lack of income. Infidelity can ruin your trust in each other and lead to divorce. In other relationships, the break up is caused by neglect, a lack of communication, problems with loyalty or a lack of compatibility.
Infidelity and arguments about money have been covered extensively before. For this article, we will look at the other ways that relationships fail and how you can prevent them.
For a relationship to work, both partners have to trust each other. This is actually different than not cheating, despite the common misconception. Trust means that you know that you can rely on your partner to pick you up if your car breaks down or to show up for your date. Sincerity and openness matter greatly. Trust is a necessity for good relationships, and a lack of trust can quickly cause your relationship to unravel. If you do not trust your partner, you may be suspicious when they are late to a date or less attentive than normal. Instead of assuming that they are just busy at work like they said, you immediately think that they could be cheating. If you voice your suspicions, it can make your partner offended and likewise suspicious of you. Before long, the trust in your relationship is completely gone.
Trust is something that all relationships need. If your partner has always been faithful, then don’t assume that they are unfaithful just because they are late. If they cheated, that is a slightly different story. It is understandable if you have problems trusting them again, but at some point you have to either break up or get over it. If you choose to stay in the relationship, you also have to choose to trust them again. It is often easier to just break up, but your ultimate decision depends entirely on what you want as a couple.
2. Communication Problems
Communication is one of the most important factors in any relationship. If you do not learn to communicate, then misunderstandings can easily lead to a break up. You have to learn how to talk to each other and argue constructively. Instead of making the other partner defensive by saying things like, “You didn’t do the dishes again,” you have to change your approach to something like, “I feel upset when I see dirty dishes left out.” You have to focus on the behavior you want to change instead of attacking the other person.
3. Time and Attention
For a relationship to work, both couples have to be willing to put in the effort. In Hollywood movies, strangers fall in love and live happily ever after. In real life, that literally never happens. Every happy couple that you have ever seen has worked at it. Many of these couples no longer realize that they are even working at their relationship because they have made it into a habit. They know that they need to devote time and attention to their spouse, or their relationship will suffer.
Sometimes, a lack of effort and time can even lead to other problems. You might question your partner’s loyalty or lose trust because you never see him (or her). Communication problems start because you are never around each other to actually communicate. For your relationship to work, both of you have to put effort into making it a good relationship.
Even if you are perfectly matched, you will sooner or later find something that you disagree about. This happens in every relationship, but not every relationship handles a disagreement well. When a disagreement happens, both partners have to make a compromise and then be ready to move on. Remembering past wrongs or holding fast to your side of the argument will never help your relationship grow.
This actually includes the topic of infidelity, although it is more than just that. An infidelity can easily cause a break up because it hurts your trust in your partner and makes you question everything you have together. Loyalty can also be lost by your actions and other commitments. If one partner always puts their work first or cares more about a video game, then they might not be completely loyal to their partner. Obviously, work has to come first sometimes. If you are never a priority though, the lack of loyalty and attention can hurt the relationship.
Statistically, long-distance relationships work just as often as in-person relationships. The real distance problem is actually more of a communication break down. You can have too much or too little distance. If you never talk to your partner, then the relationship will always suffer. Likewise, continuously stalking his Facebook page and texting him jealously when he goes out with the guys can hurt your relationship. You both need space to grow as people, but you also need to interact to make the relationship work.
People rarely change in major ways. Once you reach the age of 25, most of your major personality traits are fairly locked in for life. If you expected your partner to change when you got married, you are setting yourself up for some unrealistic expectations. At the same time, some change can happen. If your partner actually does change in a significant way, it can make it harder to have a relationship. Changes in friends, finances, work, living situations or hobbies can stress your relationship.
8. Compatibility Issues
There are also times when relationships fail because of compatibility. In the early stages of a relationship, love hormones like oxcytocin make you feel attached to each other. These hormones make you feel infatuated with your partner and completely in love for a few months. As the months wear on, your hormones return to normal and you can actually judge your partner realistically. In some cases, this gives you a chance to realize that you just are not compatible with each other.
9. Family Problems
Family members can be extremely influential when it comes to a relationship. Sometimes, you are lucky and your family loves your partner. For other couples, the family is less supportive. While this is not always a problem, it can be if you are close to your family. If you run into a relationship problem, they are more likely to nudge you into a divorce.
Another type of family issue involves your desire for a family. If you hate kids and he loves them, then your relationship may be in for some problems in the future. One of you will have to compromise, or you will both have to find someone who shares your views on families.