Few things are more painful than a breakup, especially when you’re the one being dumped. It’s not easy to accept that the man who once professed his love for you now says those feelings are gone. One of the worst things to deal with is the question of whether or not the breakup is permanent.
People can be fickle, and there are plenty of examples of men who said they’d be gone forever, only to come crawling back later. Still, you can waste your life away if you spend time waiting for an ex to come back.
To get closure, you need to look at the facts and decide for yourself if you can realistically expect him to come back. We want to help you reach the right conclusion, which is why we’ve written this article. Don’t worry girl; you don’t have to go through this alone.
Reasons He May Come Back
Every man who leaves has their own reason, and the same goes for guys who come back. Try and understand that men leave because they are looking for something new. The sort of thing they leave for will predict the reason he might return. Usually, people leave because they think something new will make them happy, and return when they discover that the grass isn’t greener on the other side.
He might realize that no girl is perfect
The dream of love is always different from the reality, and people usually look better from a distance than they do up close. This is a common issue that romantics face, they build up their partner in their mind and then when they actually start dating reality chips away at the dream they once had.
No one is perfect, and if you go into a relationship expecting perfection, you are going to be disappointed. If a man has been disappointed by you, he might dump you and try and find a woman who is perfect. He is setting himself up for failure, of course. If a new girl does give him a chance eventually, he will.
He might come back because he’s lonely
If a man leaves you to try and “upgrade” to a better girl he might find that it’s not such an easy task. It’s easy for people to take things for granted. Men forget how difficult getting a date can be when they’re used to a woman who already loves them. They imagine things will be as easy if they try and go after someone hotter.
When they actually try and go after that “dream girl” they realize that the dating market is harsh and get shut down. This splash of cold water has sent many men crawling back to their old girlfriends. After months or years with you, there’s a good chance he won’t want to be alone anymore.
That loneliness might send him back your way out of desperation. This is risky because if he’s just coming back because he’s lonely, then there’s a good chance he’ll be gone again sooner rather than later. A man needs to appreciate you for who you are and not just see you as a warm body to keep him company.
He might return to leech off you once again
Keep a look out for such users. These are men who latch onto women and try and drain them. The clearest example of this is those bums who won’t lift a finger to make money but will gladly use their girlfriend’s money to buy frivolous BS.
Men like this often get away with the crap they pull because they look hot and talk a good game. Imagine a sexy musician who keeps telling you how he “just needs some cash to get him through to his next gig.” They make big promises and never follow through.
These men will use up one girl and move onto the next. Sometimes they try and move to another girl only to get shot down, and then they come crawling back to their last sugar mama. Don’t let this type of man come back into your life, no matter how you feel about him.
He might come back because he truly loves you
So far, the picture we’ve painted can be kind of bleak. We’re just trying to tell it like it is, you shouldn’t get your hopes up too much if a guy comes back to you on his hands and knees. Still, it must be said that some guys come back for the right reasons.
They say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, and many men learn this after they break up with their girlfriend. Men have all sorts of reasons to fear commitment and that fear can drive them to make dumb mistakes.
If the love you and your ex had was truly something healthy and special, there’s a real chance that he’ll miss it and come back to you, hat in hand. You should never assume that he’s coming back for the right reasons, but if he seems honestly contrite, you can move forward cautiously.
Questions to Ask Yourself
You can’t chart a course forward until you understand where you are. Anyone who has gone through a breakup knows that the swirl of emotions can make rational decision making difficult. It might be painful, but you need to try and step back and ask some tough questions.
Why did we break up?
Some breakups are more likely to last than others. Lots of people say things in the heat of the moment that they regret later. If you’re dating an impulsive person prone to rash decisions, then there’s a good chance an emotional breakup will lead to an emotional reunion. On the other hand, if your ex announced his decision calmly and logically after months of consideration then chances are it’s truly over.
Has he moved on?
You should generally avoid stalking your ex, but if you do happen to travel in the same social circles, you can check and see how he is handling the breakup. If he finds a new girlfriend and looks happy, then it’s best for you just to move on. Sure, there’s a chance he’ll dump her for you, but it’s a small chance.
On the other hand, if he seems to be taking it badly and continues to stay in contact with you then chances are he’s not fully committed to his decision. You should do your best to move on no matter how he’s living, but if it looks like he has moved on, then it’s time for you to follow his lead and get on with your life.
Is he really worth taking back?
Love can be blinding. When your hormones are running wild, it’s easy to overlook all sorts of faults. Things can get even worse when you’re dealing with someone dumped you; it’s too easy to end up idealizing someone who was far from perfect in reality.
Even great guys have faults, don’t let your brain convince you that your ex was perfect just because you miss him badly. Take the time to sit down and write out a list of his faults and things that annoyed you about him. If you can’t think of any, then try to talk to your friends and family to ask for their honest opinion.
Outsiders can often see these sorts of things more clearly. Remember, you don’t have to decide that your ex was the devil incarnate, you just have to realize that losing him isn’t a world-ending disaster.
Why do I miss him so much?
Sometimes breakups suck because they mean losing a great man and sometimes they suck because it’s hard to go back to being single after a long relationship. It’s easy to fall in love with being in love.
When you’re in love, your brain actually changes, with chemicals flooding in. As you go through a breakup, you are literally experiencing a chemical withdrawal that is similar to the type that happens when you quit smoking or drinking.
If you want to make logical decisions, you need to try and separate facts from feelings as best as you can. Figure out if you actually miss the man who left or if you miss the image of him you had in your mind.
What You Should Do
After a breakup, it’s easy to focus on the man who left you. This is a completely natural impulse, letting go is difficult. But the fact is that you can’t let a man control your life, especially when he isn’t in it anymore. As difficult as it might be at first you need to focus on you. Your ex might come back or he might not.
Men are human beings driven by complex and confusing thoughts and emotions. You can’t control him like a puppet. The only thing you control is the path that you take. It’s in your best interest to become the best version of yourself possible. Get out there and have fun, enjoy life, and be productive.
This is the sort of thing that will likely attract your ex if there’s any chance of him coming back, no man wants to come back to a girl who is drowning in tears and ice cream. But that’s a secondary benefit; the most important thing is remembering that you don’t need a man to enjoy life.
You had fun before your ex was in your life and you will have a good time without him. We wish you all the best with your life. Maybe that means having your old man back, or maybe it means finding another. The beauty of life is the mystery of it all, your life story isn’t written yet. Go out there and discover all that life has to offer you!