Home Love & Relationship Will He Ever Contact Me Again?

Will He Ever Contact Me Again?

15600
78

When you break up with someone, it is traumatic. Even if you did the breaking up, you still feel uncertain. Did you make the right decision? Should you try to get back together with him? If he broke up with you, this process is even more stressful. You know that he wanted to end things, but you do not know if he will change his mind. He has completely stopped contacting you, and you need to figure out what to do.

Before we can discuss if he will contact you again, we need to make a few things clear. Put down your phone or tablet. If you were thinking of emailing him, texting him or calling him, think again. If you are at the point where you think that he will never talk to you again, it is safe to say that you should not reach out to him. You already know that he doesn’t want to talk. If you reach out to him, he will see it as annoying, clingy, crazy, needy or all of the above.

We are not saying that you should do the No Contact Rule. People mistakenly believe that the No Contact Rule means that they can’t talk to the person ever. This is wrong. If your ex-boyfriend reaches out, says he wants to get back together and wants to meet up, go for it. We have heard far too many stories of an ex asking to get back together and the girl missing her chance because she was doing the No Contact Rule. If he wants to get together again and you think it will work, do it.

At the same time, there is a time and a place for the No Contact Rule. Your goal right now is to start talking to him again without seeming weird or clingy. If you start texting him 20 times a day, you will never get a chance to be with him again. If you know that he does not want to talk now, start the No Contact Rule. No matter how much it hurts, wait at least a week (and maybe a month) before you reach out to him. If he reaches out to you in the interim, that’s different.

Looking at Your Situation

Before you can actually figure out if he will get in touch with you again, you have to look at your situation. If you sent him packing, his ego might be too bruised to get in touch with you again. Likewise, a guy who is offended, upset or enraged is probably not going to want to get in contact with you. Look at everything that happened before the sudden lack of contact. If you think that you are mostly or entirely at fault, then he is probably not going to reach out. If he is especially forgiving, he might reach out to you in a few weeks, but you will need to wait for him to make that move.

In other situations, the chances of him contacting you might increase or decrease. If he broke up with you, then he might rethink his decision. You just have to stay calm and wait things out. If you try to push him into dating you or talking to you again, it could end up pushing him away for good. Instead of doing this, you need to wait and see what happens. You cannot force someone to talk to you, so you have to wait until he realizes that contacting you is the right thing to do.

We also get asked this question by ladies who just went on their first or second date. After the first date, it is easy to become paranoid that he won’t reach out. Each hour ticks by painfully as you debate whether you should call him or not. In this scenario, your decision is entirely up to you. If you think that the date went well and you want to go out again, call him up or text him. See if he is available on the next weekend. If he says no, then hold off and let him make the next move. If he was honestly just busy, then he will end up calling you. If you are nervous about calling him first, then just wait a few days to see what happens. People get busy and life gets in the way. He probably doesn’t want to seem too eager, so his call may come a couple of days after your date.

It All Depends on You

Most of the time, we get this question from people who just went through a break up. Whether he contacts you again or not depends entirely on how you acted. If you were on your knees and begging for a second chance, he might never talk to you again. If you were calm and collected during the break up, then he might reach out to you again once he realizes his mistake.

All of this assumes, of course, that you two are meant to be together. As hard as it is to accept, there are cases where you love someone, but they are not the right person for you. It is easy to fall in love, and it is hard to forget someone. Even when your brain knows that he was not truly right for you, your heart will not accept it.

In these cases, it just takes time. You will heal, but you have to give your heart a chance to get over the past. If you are truly a good couple together, then some time apart will make him realize just how important you are to his life. During this time, all you can do is be patient and hope that everything works out for the best. While you wait, focus on yourself. Spend time with your friends and stay busy so that each moment passes by faster. Before long, you will realize that you never needed him anyway—and if he reaches out, you will be able to make a rational decision about getting back together or not.

78 COMMENTS

  1. I need help. My boyfriend of over a year broke up with me and I was pretty much blindsided. I was crushed and devastated. He said it was just time for himself to get his emotions together and that he loved me and we were going to be back together. So I waited all summer, did not talk to other guys, let him continue to string me along even though we weren’t together because I knew in my heart we both still loved each other very much. When summer ended and we were both back in the same place for school he still was pulling the whole “I’m not ready for a relationship yet” bit. So finally I was fed up and I made a drunken mistake and hooked up with someone else. This was five months after my boyfriend had broken up with me. I waited five months for him to finally turn around and say I love you I want to be with you. And now I make one mistake and it’s my fault that we aren’t together because I made one drunk decision. How is this fair to me? He broke up with me and I waited for him for five months. I originally lied to him about the hookup but only because I was scared and I still am deeply in love with him. It’s not fair of him to blame this all on me when the only thing I’ve done is show him how much I want to be with him. What do I do? How long until he reaches out? He claims he can’t get past this but if he didn’t want something like this to happen he should have spoken up sooner and told me he wants to be with me.

    • You did nothing wrong. The two of you were not in a relationship and you had sex with someone else. This has nothing to do with your ex. He showed you that he was not interested in nourishing a relationship with you. He broke up with you. You don’t owe him anything. His behaviors are indications of neglect and abuse. Determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Taylor!

    • Look, he is not worth it at all. Stop begging him to be with you. You are just wasting your time, your life and your beautiful heart. I promise you, you will find someone else better who will love you for REAL and not leaving you like how this fake guy did. Leave him alone, he doesn’t need anything from you. Just because he broke up with you doesnt mean that you have to take it personal, he is the real problem here, he doesnt know how to handle a serious relationship and that sucks. Most boys are so immature and they never show their feelings because they are emotionally unstable also dont know how to do it. Some of them take time but please for the love of God stop thinking about him. You are way better than him.

      • Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. We always appreciate when members of our community share their supportive comments. Please share more of your insights and experiences in the future. Have a great day, Anon!

  2. I was with my ex for 4 1/2 years. This was both of our first real long term relationships. We had a great connection, always laughing and communicating with each other on a daily basis. We had a lot of the same interests and never really argued, a few niggles here and there but nothing major. We always called each other soulmates and said we’d be lost without each other. We had plans of moving in together in the future.
    At the time I got together with my ex a traumatic event happened in my life which I still to this day feel like I haven’t dealt with properly which I am beginning to work through now. My ex stuck with me through that, making the effort to make me happy everyday and I appreciate him for that. I know this event changed me in a way where I would lash out at him over the slightest things, not at the start of the relationship but more so up until a year ago I would let the little things bother me. I see that now.
    Two weeks to the day is when we split. I had called him up to see how he was doing and to check if he’d still be coming over for the night and the next thing it seemed like he was trying to cause an argument and stated over the phone he did not want to be in a relationship anymore and that he thinks it’s all started going downhill. He kept asking me what I thought about him saying we should end it and I just didn’t really know what to say as I did not take it seriously at first, it’s the first I’ve heard him mention anything like this. His reasons for wanting to split were that he could not deal with the way I act anymore, he doesn’t want to feel closed in and he doesn’t want to deal with all the things that come with a relationship. He said he remembers how it used to be, I’m assuming he means not being in a relationship and living the single life. He has told me he has had enough and he has made his decision, it’s not going to change. He also said he has been thinking about this for 2 – 3 months. I told him that I wish he communicated how he felt as we wouldn’t be in this situation now.
    I admit I text and called him a few days following the break up to try and meet up so we could talk properly, to which he has refused and told me we both just have to ‘accept it’ and then he just ignored my follow up messages. I left it a week to give him some space and contacted once again to see if he would be willing to talk and he ignored me again so I haven’t contacted since and I don’t plan to.
    It’s just a lot of years and effort to throw away. He told me he loved me and cares for me and things are good when we’re okay but he just doesn’t want any of it anymore.
    He recently got back in contact with his old friends who he hasn’t bothered with for a while and I see that he has made various social media accounts to get back in contact with other people. Whether this is all him feeling trapped from being in a relationship for so long and just wanting to get some space I don’t know. But I just feel like he doesn’t plan on contacting me ever again after all the years we shared together.

    • The two of you shared a strong social and emotional relationship for four and a half years. The two of you ended this relationship two years ago. He informed you of his reasons why he was no longer interested in maintaining a relationship with you. You attempted to reach out to him to meet up with him, but he informed you that he didn’t want to be with you. Make a decision about what you want for your future without him, and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Kay!

  3. I was with my ex for 4 1/2 years. This was both of our first real long term relationships. We had a great connection, always laughing and communicating with each other on a daily basis. We had a lot of the same interests and never really argued, a few niggles here and there but nothing major. We always called each other soulmates and said we’d be lost without each other. We had plans of moving in together in the future.
    At the time I got together with my ex a traumatic event happened in my life which I still to this day feel like I haven’t dealt with properly which I am beginning to work through now. My ex stuck with me through that, making the effort to make me happy everyday and I appreciate him for that. I know this event changed me in a way where I would lash out at him over the slightest things, not at the start of the relationship but more so up until a year ago I would let the little things bother me. I see that now. Two weeks to the day is when we split. I had called him up to see how he was doing and to check if he’d still be coming over for the night and the next thing it seemed like he was trying to cause an argument and stated over the phone he did not want to be in a relationship anymore and that he thinks it’s all started going downhill. He kept asking me what I thought about him saying we should end it and I just didn’t really know what to say as I did not take it seriously at first, it’s the first I’ve heard him mention anything like this. His reasons for wanting to split were that he could not deal with the way I act anymore, he doesn’t want to feel closed in and he doesn’t want to deal with all the things that come with a relationship. He said he remembers how it used to be, I’m assuming he means not being in a relationship and living the single life. He has told me he has had enough and he has made his decision, it’s not going to change. He also said he has been thinking about this for 2 – 3 months. I told him that I wish he communicated how he felt as we wouldn’t be in this situation now.
    I admit I text and called him a few days following the break up to try and meet up so we could talk properly, to which he has refused and told me we both just have to ‘accept it’ and then he just ignored my follow up messages. I left it a week to give him some space and contacted once again to see if he would be willing to talk and he ignored me again so I haven’t contacted since and I don’t plan to.
    It’s just a lot of years and effort to throw away. He told me he loved me and cares for me and things are good when we’re okay but he just doesn’t want any of it anymore.
    He recently got back in contact with his old friends who he hasn’t bothered with for a while and I see that he has made various social media accounts to get back in contact with other people. Whether this is all him feeling trapped from being in a relationship for so long and just wanting to get some space I don’t know. But I just feel like he doesn’t plan on contacting me ever again after all the years we shared together.

    • The two of you shared a strong social and emotional relationship for four and a half years. The two of you ended this relationship two years ago. He informed you of his reasons why he was no longer interested in maintaining a relationship with you. You attempted to reach out to him to meet up with him, but he informed you that he didn’t want to be with you. Make a decision about what you want for your future without him, and focus your emotional energy elsewhere. Have a great day, Kay!

  4. Is there any hope we will talk again? Ever? Please help (long post)

    I’ve known this boy, ( we will call him Greg) since I was six, until we went to different middle and high schools, we reconnected my senior year of HS on bf, then we went to college but kept in touch here and there with texts. My junior year of college I moved back home for school and he was visiting. We met up and got coffee and this was pretty much the first time we saw each other since we were 10. (Both of us now 21). I can tell he liked me and I liked him too, but he went back to college on the other side of the US and the communication fizzled out and he started dating someone. I was a little hurt but I understood. He moved back to our small town and started hanging out with a lot of douchebags that would tease me back when I was younger since he played sports with them. During this time he and I got back in touch and we went on a series of sporadic dates. I felt like he liked me more but I was going through a phase of seeking emotionally unavailable people and being a bit self sabotaging in my relationships. I even got very hung up on a guy who was very vague and constantly ghosted me who ALSO lives in my small town ( remember this fact, we will call him “Tom”) who also just so happens to hang around a similar crew that Greg started to hang with. Tom ended up blocking me on Instagram after I changed my mind about hooking up with him, a very big fuckboy. Anyways going back to Greg. I knew he wasn’t a douchebag, in fact he was very sweet and never pushy. I liked him but I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship even though I told myself I wanted one. 9 months passed and I didn’t talk to Greg, and I’ll admit I was being kind of elusive on top of that, I was also focusing on my first real job and school. I started to think about him more and I realized my u healthy pattern of going for unavailable men. So I reached out to him again and we started dating. During this time he can tell I was more serious about wanting to pursue something and we even kissed, (I know that isn’t a big deal, but we hadn’t done anything physical and it’s been since high school that it was building) he and I had good discussions, he treated me well and I was really beginning to like him. He one time told me that I was in the back of his mind since high school and he’s always liked me. I shared a lot about my personal life and he did too (family issues, relationships etc) and I felt like we were really bonding. One night after one of our dates he told that before the relationship progressed, he had something important to tell me. What he needed to tell me was that he contracted herpes from a past partner that he dated briefly while I wasn’t in touch with him (that 9 month period). I’m a medical professional, so this honestly wasn’t a big deal to me. In fact him telling me this almost made me like him more. It showed he was serious about me. He told me he liked and respected me and was scared to tell me and I let him know it wasn’t a big deal. After this, though is when things started to get a little bit strange between us the day after we met for coffee and it seemed fine and then the day after that I noticed his communication wasn’t as strong. He made plans with me the day after that to get lunch and in that conversation seems fine but then the next day he canceled plans with me and told me it was bc of work. (He’s in real estate and a deal was falling through last minute). Anyways he didn’t text me the rest of the day and that night he said he was just busy and stressed out and it was getting into his personal life. After that I told him he can take his time if he needed to but I just wanted to talk about things since I’ve been ghosted so many times that it was triggering when he did it, after I sent that he didn’t reply for 3 days and then I told him that if I’m going to invest my emotions then we should talk, he said okay and told me the next day he wants to meet up and talk. The day we were supposed to talk, he said let’s meet up at 4:30, but then right before we were supposed to meet up he let me know he can only talk for 30 minutes. I was already pretty emotional at this point having feeling ignored and then having him tell me that he can only meet up for 30 minutes cus he had plans with his roommate to get dinner on such short notice, this made me feel like he wasn’t respecting me or my energy in my feelings. So we got in a fight while I was on my way to where we would meet. He tried to reschedule but because I was expecting the worst out of the situation and I also felt like he didn’t understand that him already ignoring me was hurtful to me, I told him I’m not meeting up with him if it’s not that day. Long story short, we never met up. I was at the coffee shop and he told me he couldn’t meet up anymore because of work. I felt like a fool. He told me he was sorry it turned out this way and he’s been going through a lot and couldn’t get his head on straight but I was already so upset that I felt that he didn’t see me as someone who was worth it to him to talk to and communicate with. And I felt pathetic just standing there outside the coffee shop and him not being there (btw his open house that was at for work was down the street), I just texted him telling him how I felt and how hurt and confused I was. He didn’t reply. I texted him telling him not to contact me again because I just felt so fooled. No reply.

    A week or so later I texted him and said that although I didn’t mean it when I said not to reach out to me again because I care about him still, I was still upset but nonetheless I still care.

    No reply.

    So I just felt super ashamed and embarrassed at this point. I blocked him on social media, I deleted him off everything, I deleted his number. I felt so small and foolish.

    I posted a picture of me on Instagram with the caption “if ever talked, I was just kidding” kind of a job at him but also just as a jab to everyone who hurt me in the past. It may have come off as petty but I was over feeling like i was trying to make it work with these guys and ending up feeling stupid in the end. Especially after this because I really felt like Greg was different. We were friends and I trusted him. I even told him about my past relationships and I just feel like he betrayed my trust. I told myself I need a break from dating. I need to focus on myself. I recently unblocked him on Instagram.

    I won’t lie, I still miss him. It sucks because I never got closure. I never had an explanation. Just ended and all that time and energy feels like it went to waste. I saw him on bumble and then it hit me, all those feelings of feeling foolish again.

    He and the guy Tom also started following each other on Instagram and it made my heart sink a little bit. Like here he is possibly making friends with another guy who hurt me. I imagine them talking about me (probably in my head) but still.

    Today I looked back at my own Instagram and saw that he unliked all my pictures. He even unfollowed me on Spotify ( we made each other playlists).
    I’m trying to move forward But it just feels like there’s this unspoken bad energy between us, cus there was not closure, no fight no conversation. He hurt me and yes I reacted negatively in some aspects but so did he. He was so dismissive and gave me the silent treatment and it still feels so hurtful and lonely It just feels weird and ugly.

    As much as I am hurt and know I’m a rational level I should move on, it also doesn’t feel right to have it be like this? It makes me question if what he felt for me was real to begin with. This also makes me feel like I wasn’t good enough for him, and that he just gets to move on and I’m left feeling this way. I don’t want to reach out anymore but part of me hopes he reaches out to me so I can tell him how bad that hurt me. Also, I would be lying if I said I didn’t want him to miss me.

    This situation really makes me feel like he hates me and we will never be on good terms again. I’m angry at how he treated me, and angry at myself for how I reacted and letting myself think about it still, but I also do miss him. Does he just not care about me anymore? Was all this just bullshit?

    • It is clear, on many levels, that this relationship is not viable. It was not a healthy relationship, and you can be certain that he isn’t interested in attempting to nourish this relationship again. Determine what you want for your future, and take whatever you feel is appropriate.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here