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Will He Ever Contact Me Again?

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When you break up with someone, it is traumatic. Even if you did the breaking up, you still feel uncertain. Did you make the right decision? Should you try to get back together with him? If he broke up with you, this process is even more stressful. You know that he wanted to end things, but you do not know if he will change his mind. He has completely stopped contacting you, and you need to figure out what to do.

Before we can discuss if he will contact you again, we need to make a few things clear. Put down your phone or tablet. If you were thinking of emailing him, texting him or calling him, think again. If you are at the point where you think that he will never talk to you again, it is safe to say that you should not reach out to him. You already know that he doesn’t want to talk. If you reach out to him, he will see it as annoying, clingy, crazy, needy or all of the above.

We are not saying that you should do the No Contact Rule. People mistakenly believe that the No Contact Rule means that they can’t talk to the person ever. This is wrong. If your ex-boyfriend reaches out, says he wants to get back together and wants to meet up, go for it. We have heard far too many stories of an ex asking to get back together and the girl missing her chance because she was doing the No Contact Rule. If he wants to get together again and you think it will work, do it.

At the same time, there is a time and a place for the No Contact Rule. Your goal right now is to start talking to him again without seeming weird or clingy. If you start texting him 20 times a day, you will never get a chance to be with him again. If you know that he does not want to talk now, start the No Contact Rule. No matter how much it hurts, wait at least a week (and maybe a month) before you reach out to him. If he reaches out to you in the interim, that’s different.

Looking at Your Situation

Before you can actually figure out if he will get in touch with you again, you have to look at your situation. If you sent him packing, his ego might be too bruised to get in touch with you again. Likewise, a guy who is offended, upset or enraged is probably not going to want to get in contact with you. Look at everything that happened before the sudden lack of contact. If you think that you are mostly or entirely at fault, then he is probably not going to reach out. If he is especially forgiving, he might reach out to you in a few weeks, but you will need to wait for him to make that move.

In other situations, the chances of him contacting you might increase or decrease. If he broke up with you, then he might rethink his decision. You just have to stay calm and wait things out. If you try to push him into dating you or talking to you again, it could end up pushing him away for good. Instead of doing this, you need to wait and see what happens. You cannot force someone to talk to you, so you have to wait until he realizes that contacting you is the right thing to do.

We also get asked this question by ladies who just went on their first or second date. After the first date, it is easy to become paranoid that he won’t reach out. Each hour ticks by painfully as you debate whether you should call him or not. In this scenario, your decision is entirely up to you. If you think that the date went well and you want to go out again, call him up or text him. See if he is available on the next weekend. If he says no, then hold off and let him make the next move. If he was honestly just busy, then he will end up calling you. If you are nervous about calling him first, then just wait a few days to see what happens. People get busy and life gets in the way. He probably doesn’t want to seem too eager, so his call may come a couple of days after your date.

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It All Depends on You

Most of the time, we get this question from people who just went through a break up. Whether he contacts you again or not depends entirely on how you acted. If you were on your knees and begging for a second chance, he might never talk to you again. If you were calm and collected during the break up, then he might reach out to you again once he realizes his mistake.

All of this assumes, of course, that you two are meant to be together. As hard as it is to accept, there are cases where you love someone, but they are not the right person for you. It is easy to fall in love, and it is hard to forget someone. Even when your brain knows that he was not truly right for you, your heart will not accept it.

In these cases, it just takes time. You will heal, but you have to give your heart a chance to get over the past. If you are truly a good couple together, then some time apart will make him realize just how important you are to his life. During this time, all you can do is be patient and hope that everything works out for the best. While you wait, focus on yourself. Spend time with your friends and stay busy so that each moment passes by faster. Before long, you will realize that you never needed him anyway—and if he reaches out, you will be able to make a rational decision about getting back together or not.

70 COMMENTS

  1. I need help. My boyfriend of over a year broke up with me and I was pretty much blindsided. I was crushed and devastated. He said it was just time for himself to get his emotions together and that he loved me and we were going to be back together. So I waited all summer, did not talk to other guys, let him continue to string me along even though we weren’t together because I knew in my heart we both still loved each other very much. When summer ended and we were both back in the same place for school he still was pulling the whole “I’m not ready for a relationship yet” bit. So finally I was fed up and I made a drunken mistake and hooked up with someone else. This was five months after my boyfriend had broken up with me. I waited five months for him to finally turn around and say I love you I want to be with you. And now I make one mistake and it’s my fault that we aren’t together because I made one drunk decision. How is this fair to me? He broke up with me and I waited for him for five months. I originally lied to him about the hookup but only because I was scared and I still am deeply in love with him. It’s not fair of him to blame this all on me when the only thing I’ve done is show him how much I want to be with him. What do I do? How long until he reaches out? He claims he can’t get past this but if he didn’t want something like this to happen he should have spoken up sooner and told me he wants to be with me.

    • You did nothing wrong. The two of you were not in a relationship and you had sex with someone else. This has nothing to do with your ex. He showed you that he was not interested in nourishing a relationship with you. He broke up with you. You don’t owe him anything. His behaviors are indications of neglect and abuse. Determine what you want for your future without him. Have a great day, Taylor!

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