There’s nothing easy about breaking up. It’s a pain that is slow to fade. The only thing that makes it worse is wondering whether or not the change is permanent or not. After all, a break up isn’t like death; it isn’t necessarily permanent.
We can’t sit here and tell you that she won’t come back. It is worth remembering that chances are she won’t come back, but if you still think there’s a chance you’ll be the exception to the rule, then we’re here to help.
The first thing you need to look back at the relationship. After that, you should consider where you stand now. Finally, you need to make a plan for moving forward. You don’t have to do any of this alone; we’re here to help you through this painful time in your life.
Reasons She May Come Back
Remember, we don’t know your girl. We just know girls in general. So we’re going to talk in generalities, and you can see which fit your situation. We are going to list reasons why your ex might return, and you need to figure out if any of them sound plausible.
She’s realized that she made a big mistake
This is the thing just about everyone who’s been dumped dreams about. You imagine that one day she’ll show up at your door, on her knees with tears running down her eyes. She’ll apologize to you, and you’ll hug, and everything will be right back where it once was.
To start with, this sort of a scenario is very unrealistic, although things like it do happen from time to time. Still, don’t bet on it happening to you. This is a nice thought, but it can also be a trap, if you spend your time chasing this daydream, then you’re going to miss out on chances to actually improve your life.
She’s feeling lonely
Some people just don’t know how to be alone. It’s hard to judge these people; humans are social creatures by nature. We aren’t meant to be totally alone, which is what friends and family are for.
If someone doesn’t have much of a support group outside of their romantic partners, then they’re not going to be able to be alone for long. If you’re dating a girl like that and she dumps you there’s good chance she’ll come crawling back if she can’t find someone else to fill that hole in her heart.
You need to be very careful in these situations. If you’re lonely and she’s lonely, it seems logical that you should get back together and solve both your problems. But if you haven’t grown as people since the breakup then you’re probably heading for yet another breakup.
Some girls leave their men in spite of their feelings. They still love their boyfriend, but they feel like their boyfriend isn’t in the right place to make the relationship work.
In this scenario, a girl might return after she’s seen her ex pull himself together. Take a look at yourself, are you a train wreck? If you are, then you need to get your house in order before you worry about getting your girl back.
Questions to Ask Yourself
Making smart moves requires introspection. Too many men ignore their feelings while letting their feelings take control. In order to change your situation, you need to understand it, and you need to understand yourself. So before you move on it’s time to ask yourself some questions.
Why did she leave?
Hopefully, she gave some explanation for the decision. The reason behind the breakup will help you to know whether it is permanent or not. If a girl leaves you because you’ve grown distant, then you might be able to get her back by showing her that you’ve learned to be better with intimacy. If she left you because she’s fallen in love with someone else, then there isn’t really anything you can do to bring her back.
Does she still have feelings for you?
You might think that the worst case scenario is a breakup driven by anger and hatred. After all, why would a girl get back with a guy she hates? But this isn’t true, the worst case scenario for you is a girl leaving out of indifference.
If a girl is angry at you then at least she cares about you. One of the scariest things about human relationships is how quickly hate can turn to love and vice verse. Things are much worse when the fire in a girl’s heart dies down and in the end she doesn’t care about you at all.
Believe it or not, if a girl is sending you angry messages or giving you the stink eye in public then you’ve still got a chance. Granted, a relationship that comes from that sort of a place is unlikely to be healthy, but the point is she might come back. If she seems like she’s completely moved on and doesn’t even notice you anymore then it’s time for you to try and give her the same treatment.
Is she with someone else?
Nothing helps you get over someone like finding someone else. We’re taught to think poetically in relationships, acting like your girl is the only one in the world. It’s a nice sentiment, but it is empirically false.
There are plenty of other girls in the world you’d be happy with, and there are plenty of other dudes your ex could be happy with. As soon as she finds one of them, then you’re going to become a whole lot less special in her eyes.
True, there’s a distant chance that her new man will turn out to be a jerk who ends up making you look like the love of her life. But if you are truly hoping that she ends up with a jerk just so you can get what you want then you’re not all that much of a catch yourself.
If you see she’s with someone else and looks happy, then it’s best to follow her lead and find a new girl.
What You Should Do
Thinking will help you start the healing process, but you can’t get over a girl by sitting alone in your house and replaying everything that happened like a quarterback watching game footage. You need to get out there and get back in the game! Let’s look at steps you can take to help the healing process and help the chances of your girl returning.
Seeing your ex can be incredibly painful and today it’s easier than ever to check up on people from your past. Social media can pour salt into your wound. It really sucks to log onto Facebook and Instagram to see the smiling face of your ex. There’s also that insidious temptation to “stalk” their profiles to try and get a glimpse of their smiling face for “old times sake.”
Breaking up with a girl is like quitting a drug, half measures do not work. Another way to think of it is like a wound. If you pick at a scab, it is never going to get a chance to actually do its job and heal your body. Whenever you try and reconnect with your ex, directly or indirectly, you are picking at an emotional scab.
We’re not saying that you’ll never be able to see your ex again. Some people can eventually become platonic friends with ex-girlfriends, but these people are in the minority. You should at least go a few months without them and try and reach a better place emotionally.
If you are feeling good about your life and you don’t feel like you need her anymore, then you can reconsider whether checking her Facebook photos is a good idea. Until then you should unfriend, unfollow, and maybe even block her from your life.
Work on yourself
The worst thing you can do is focusing all your energy on the girl who left. Focusing all your energy on other women isn’t much better. What you really should be doing is trying to develop yourself as a person.
Go to the gym and lift some weights. Learn an instrument and start a band. Do whatever you need to get that raise at work. Start your own side business. Go out and make some new friends. Any of these things will help you get the most out of your life, whether or not your ex-comes back or not.
Get out and mingle
There’s no doubt that your girl was special. We’re not going to insult her, especially since we haven’t met her. But this is a world with literally billions of women, and each of them is special in their own way. Take some time to go out and meet some other special girls.
Don’t psych yourself up; you don’t need to go out and make a commitment immediately. The point is simply to meet new people, so that you can realize that losing one girl isn’t the end of the world. Try and re-frame the situation; it isn’t a tragedy but a chance to explore all of your options. Your single again! You can get out there and flirt without fear, don’t waste this opportunity. You have the rest of your life to be tied down, take full advantage of the chance you’ve been given.
When it comes to the question of whether your girl is coming back the answer is simple but painful, maybe she is but you shouldn’t bet on it. You can take the time to completely transform yourself so that next time you see her you’ve got a million dollars in the bank and six pack abs on your chest and she still might keep on walking. Some relationships end up too broken to fix.
Women may come and go, but you will always have yourself, until the day you die. Don’t live for the girl who left you, live for yourself. Girls want to be a part of a man’s exciting and interesting life; they don’t want to be worshiped by a slave with no self-worth. So stop moping! Get out there and succeed, because in both love and war the best revenge is success.